Unfiltered Story #47760

Lansing, KS, USA | Unfiltered | April 12, 2016

(I have a tendency to make really bad puns and then follow it up with a rimshot sound effect. The rest of my family knows this and tends to go along with it. This time I’m watching TV with my brother)

Me: I guess they found the bad guy. *grins* And he’s a teacher, so I hope he learned his lesson!

Brother: *facepalms* Are we even related?!

Unfiltered Story #56788

France | Unfiltered | April 11, 2016

(I’m on an train, when the control officer shows up. It’s worth mentioning that it’s an international train, and the tickets – aswell as the fraud penalties and onboard-buying fees – are quite expensive. Since it’s a long ride and there are several stops, he asks when the passengers got on the train, to know who has already had their tickets checked. But this one was quite the prankster…)

Officer : hello, when did you get on ?

Quite young passenger : at *****.

Officer : ok, then ticket please !

*The shy-looking passenger hands his ticket to the officer, whose smile instantly turns into a scowl.*

Officer : this ticket is for tomorrow. You weren’t supposed to travel today, you don’t actually have any right to be on this train.

You have the choice between paying a 105€ ticket plus a 20€ emission fee, or get down at the next stop with a 75€ fraud penalty, what will you do ?

*The young man goes wide-eyed and his complexion turns to cray.*

Young man : I-I’m so sorry sir, my…my girlfriend bought these tickets for me, and she, well I guess…I mean I suppose she just made a mistake ! But I didn’t mean to travel for free ! I’m really…

*At which point the officer interrupts him and pats him on the shoulder.*

Officer : Just kidding, son, you’re good. Have a nice trip !

*Having seen the charachter, I decide to have some fun.*

Officer : hello, when did you get on ?

Me : Erm, about an hour ago, I guess ? I mean, I’m kinda bored, so it may be a little less…

Officer : I mean, where ?

Me : oooh ! I just used the door over there like everybody else !

Officer : *with a smile* ok, ticket please !

*I hand him my ticket.*

Officer : *after briefly looking at it* This is the ticket for going from *City A* to *City B*, I need the other way. *he hands me back the ticket*.

Me : *intently looking away from the ticket, and smiling* No it isn’t, it’s the right ticket.

Officer : No it’s not !

Me : *still not looking* Yes it is !

Officer : whatever you say, but I still need to see a proper ticket…

Me : *starting to doubt, I briefly glance at the ticket*

Officer : If you’re so sure of yourself, why are you checking ?!

(Well, he still got me after all.)

Unfiltered Story #18409

France, Normandy | Unfiltered | April 11, 2016

I do dishes, among others things when I heard third students speak.

Student 1 : hence, she heardn’t not birds .

Student 2 : No, and without headphones, she heardn’t not music, If I have heard [name] correctly.

Student 3 : but if she heard music with headphones, we can bought a CD with birds sound, I seen a [CD with forest sound] in [retail who sold things in relation with nature ] . We can do a fundraising

I learned later that [name] was a long-term music substitute . She was moved and , I had conformation by this music substitute , with this CD, she heard birds ! well done at this class!

Unfiltered Story #32335

Danville, California | Unfiltered | April 11, 2016

(My school has started a program called BYOD, or bring your own device, in which students bring their own electronic device to school. My biology class is very fond of taking notes of their devices, so as soon as notes are announced, we immediately pull out our devices. I’m usually well spoken for my age and place an emphasis on pronunciation. Despite this, I fumbled with my speech just enough to embarrass myself.)

Teacher: “When I was in college, no one took notes on computers. We took notes on pen and paper.”

Me: “I didn’t know they had portable computers 20 years ago.”

(Everyone begins to talk over each other, and I don’t hear what my teacher has to say next)

Teacher: “Well, I went back to college when I was about forty.”

Me: “I’m telling you, they didn’t have portable computers 20 years ago.”

(The class immediately bursts into laughter and I’m left wondering what just happened. My friends explained it to me and the teacher didn’t take offence.)

Unfiltered Story #28065

NJ | Unfiltered | April 11, 2016

My friends and I are all really close and often make more interesting jokes that often end up with bizarre ends. In this friend group I’m usually pretty quiet, and according to my friends: “she doesn’t often say anything, but when she does it’s perfect.”

Friend 1: *she often jokes around as an old woman and someone had said something that caused her to kneel and pray for about ten seconds before laughing.*

Friend 2: “come on, stand up now.”

Friend 1: “I haven’t stood up since 1957(random year)!”

Me: *head pops up to look at her* “well now we all know what your job has been.”

There was pure silence for about twenty seconds before everyone started dying of laughter. I normally never say things like that, fortunately she is a close friend and all of our friends have a similar type of humor.

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