Unfiltered Story #32261

Satellite Beach, Florida, USA | Unfiltered | January 31, 2016

(I am in a German 1 class. It’s the week after Christmas break, and my German teacher is dealing out huge amounts of work. [Friend #1] decides to complain.)

Friend #1: “[Teacher], why are you giving us so much homework?”

Teacher: “Because, [Friend], you need to get back on track.”

Friend #1: “This is ridiculous!”

Teacher: *mildly sarcastic* “Then why don’t you just jump out of the window?!”

(The entire classroom went DEAD silent. The teacher then went on like nothing happened)

Friend #2: “Wow. Hey [Friend #1], how does it feel to get roasted by [Teacher]?”

Unfiltered Story #32263

West Springfield, MA, USA | Unfiltered | January 30, 2016

(This happened in a culinary class where four people are making a filling for a meat pie in teams of two, each one guy and one girl)

Guy #1: Hurry up, we’re falling behind.

Guy #2: Well, looks like I’m better with my meat than you.

Guy #1: I am the best with my meat… GUESS I’LL HAVE TO SQUEEZE IT FASTER!

(The two girls are red and dying of laughter Eventually, Guy #1 finishes before guy #2)

Guy #2: Turns out you’re better with meat.

Guy #1: Well, you could always come to my place to find out for sure.

(Neither of these guys were gay for the record…)

Unfiltered Story #67081

Fairborn, OH | Unfiltered | January 30, 2016

(My car was having some engine problems earlier that day. I was able to drive it to work, but my parents planned on stopping by to pick it up and leave the family van behind. My little brother is in a marching band that recently did a zombie show for Halloween.)

Me: *telling the manager about the show* And so, the pallbearers bring out the coffin, from which the drum major jumps out and-

Dad: *pulls up to the speaker*

Me: Welcome to our (store), would you like (sandwich)?

Dad: KEYS!

(Everyone is staring, trying to figure out what was just said, until my dad skips the payment window, stopping outside the pickup window.)

Dad: *hands me the keys to our van* Have a good night, dear.

Manager:-EP! Please tell me you have photos of yesterday’s show!

Mom: It’ll take a minute for me to load them on my phone.

Manager: It’s 8 p.m. and we’re dead. I’m not worried about our timer.

(My mom hands over her phone, letting me scroll through the pictures to show my manager the customers, the coffin, and the hearse used in the show. My parents tell my manager about it until another car pulled up.)

Unfiltered Story #27993

PA, USA | Unfiltered | January 30, 2016

(While at the mall with some friends, a song by a band we are fond of with a recently deceased frontman starts playing in one of the stores.)

Friend #1: Oh great, and now they’ve reminded me about how sad I am that [frontman] died.

Me: I know, right? I haven’t been this sad since Commander Shepard died at the end of Mass Effect!

(Suddenly one of our friends, who was looking at something and otherwise not paying attention, whips around and glares at me angrily.)

Friend #2: Gee, thanks for the spoilers!

Me: Wait, what? That’s a spoiler to you?

Friend #2: Yeah! I haven’t finished the game yet and now you’ve gone and ruined it for me!

Me: …? That game came out almost four years ago! How have you not had the ending spoiled to you by now?

Friend #2: I don’t know. I guess I’m just really good at avoiding spoilers.

(I should have seen that coming since she once yelled at me sometime around 2013 for spoiling the endings to Psycho and The Sixth Sense. I marvel at her ability to somehow avoid Internet spoilers for so long.)

Unfiltered Story #47691

Las Vegas, NV, USA | Unfiltered | January 30, 2016

(My mother-in-law is Hispanic. His step-father is not, but is a small business owner and has employed many South and Central Americans over the years in the Los Angeles area.)

*Father-in-law walks into the room*

Me: Hola. (Translation: Hello)

F.i.L.: What?

(I assume that he didn’t hear me, as his hearing is going so I speak louder)

Me: HOLA! Como Estas? (Translation: Hello. How are you?)

*blank look*

Me: Que Pasa? (Raises an eyebrow)(Translation: What’s up?)

F.i.L: Oh, I never saw the point in learning any Spanish. What did you say?

Me: Que?! (What?!)

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