I work as a barista at a cafe. A regular customer has ordered a decaf latte; I’ve just made the drink and set it down on the counter. We label decaf drinks with a big letter “D” on the side of the cup; the customer sees this and points.

Customer: “Who’s the ‘D’ for?”

I blink at her choice of words and take a moment to compose myself before answering.

Me: “Uhh…. it’s for you. It’s -”

Customer: *excited and giggly* “Ooh!! I certainly hope so! It’s been a while, let’s hope we can manifest this energy, I need it!”

Well. I wasn’t going to go there, but okay lady!

I work for a small company with a spiteful manager who is trying everything in her power to get me fired so she can get a raise. I recently took time off, which I requested through the system and sent an email two weeks in advance, in addition to letting her know verbally. I remind her that Friday and then on Sunday when she calls, despite not working Sunday. Apparently, two of my coworkers and my supervisor also reminded her on that Monday. On Wednesday, she has this say –

Manager: When you take time off, you really must tell me.

Me: I did. I emailed you two weeks ago. *shows her email*

Manager: I never saw the email. Besides [Supervisor] didn’t know.

Me: Yes, he did. I reminded him on Friday and checked in with him yesterday, and he asked about it.

Manager: *knows she is caught lying* You should’ve reminded me Sunday!

Me: *deadpanned* I did, verbally and in text that you acknowledged.

Safe to say the “embarassment” she felt by feigning dumb on Monday was nothing in comparison to what she felt as I deconstructed her lies in real time in front of her boss. Honestly, if she just did her job, she would probably be more successful at making more money as she get paid by commissions and I am constantly having to forward client emails to her because she is so busy trying to make me and everyone else miserble she forgets to send POs and lets contracts lapse. Unfortunately, we are so small we don’t have a proper HR, but once the company does, the lawsuits will be fun to watch.

I work for a newspaper as one of the editors. Recently, we assigned a reporter to profile a new hamburger restaurant that recently opened up downtown. A few days later, my boss lets me know that she contacted the restaurant for the reporter and ended up running into a roadblock.

Me: [Boss] what happened?
Boss: So I contacted the restaurant and they declined an interview.
Me: They what?!
Boss: Yeah! They completely ignored my emails and my phone calls!
Me: Never in my life have I ever encountered a business that fully denied free press!

*phone rings*
Me: “[Vet clinic], this is [my name].”
Caller: “Hello, is [coworker] there?”
Me: “May I ask who’s calling?”
Caller: “[Hated client]”
Me: “Let me go grab her.”
*puts phone on hold*
Me *yelling into the back*: “[Coworker]! Satan’s on the phone for you!”

(I am walking around at a convention while cosplaying a character whose costume includes a hairband. That hairband has been giving me trouble, as it keeps springing off of my head at inopportune moments. No one else pays any mind most of the time, save for one when my hairband leaps off as a couple is passing by me in the opposite direction…)

Woman: I told you not to mess with other people!

(As I’m turning around to pick up my hairband, I see the man’s head is hanging down and he’s rubbing the back of it. The woman looks at me sympathetically.)

Woman: Sorry for what my friend did.

Me: It’s okay! It’s not his fault, honest!

(She must have thought he knocked my hairband off. On one hand, I feel bad that he took the blame for something he didn’t do. On the other hand, if he was messing with other people and this was the tipping point, I hope he was better behaved from there on out.)