Unfiltered Story #28065

NJ | Unfiltered | April 11, 2016

My friends and I are all really close and often make more interesting jokes that often end up with bizarre ends. In this friend group I’m usually pretty quiet, and according to my friends: “she doesn’t often say anything, but when she does it’s perfect.”

Friend 1: *she often jokes around as an old woman and someone had said something that caused her to kneel and pray for about ten seconds before laughing.*

Friend 2: “come on, stand up now.”

Friend 1: “I haven’t stood up since 1957(random year)!”

Me: *head pops up to look at her* “well now we all know what your job has been.”

There was pure silence for about twenty seconds before everyone started dying of laughter. I normally never say things like that, fortunately she is a close friend and all of our friends have a similar type of humor.

Unfiltered Story #56787

Michigan, USA | Unfiltered | April 10, 2016

I’m known around the office for my extremely liberal stance on most political issues, which is why the following caught me off guard. Today is the primary day here, and I’m wearing my ‘I Voted’ sticker.

Coworker #1: “Hey, I hear you’re voting for Trump. Didn’t expect that.”

Me: “What? No. I voted for Bernie Sanders.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, (Coworker #2) was telling us that you said you were voting for Trump.”

Me: “WHAT? No! God, no. How did she get that idea?”

I speed walk to Coworker #2’s office, and burst in, despite the fact that she’s meeting with a client.

Me: “I’m not voting for Trump!”

Coworker #2: “I heard you talking to (Coworker #3), and you were talking about the reasons you didn’t like Hillary, so I thought you were voting for Trump.”

Me: “We’re still in the primaries! I don’t like Hillary because she’s not reliably progressive enough! I have a Sanders sign in my office window! Why would I vote for that ridiculous orangutan Trump?”

Coworker #2: “Oh…I guess that makes sense.”

I’m wearing my “Feel the Bern” t-shirt tomorrow, dress codes be damned.

Unfiltered Story #18410

Bloomington, MN | Unfiltered | April 10, 2016

(We’re at a very famous and very large mall in the Twin Cities. My sister and I–two teenage girls–walk into a high-quality chocolate shop, where they offer samples of chocolate. We take a sample and look around. The woman behind the counter seems nice and smiles at us.)

WORKER: If you want another sample, just say something.

SISTER: I kind of want chocolate…

ME: Ok, you know what? Let’s each get a truffle.

(I look at the woman behind the counter)

ME: Ma’am, do you know how much an individual one of those would be?

WORKER: It’s by weight, but it’s usually around a dollar or so. Which ones do you want?

(My sister and I each pick a kind of truffle, and the woman puts it them in a bag. I get out my wallet and my credit card and go over to the register. The woman hands the bag over the counter to me without weighing it.)

WORKER: I’m not going to charge you two. Have a nice day!

(Whoever you are, thank you so much!)

Unfiltered Story #32334

London, UK | Unfiltered | April 10, 2016

(The topic of the science lesson was ‘Child development’ about how biologically humans change in the early years. The teacher has never given me any particular problems in the past)

Teacher: *to my classmate* And how many children are you planning to have one day young lady?

Classmate: Well, I’d really like a boy and a girl

Teacher: *to me* so how many are you going to have young lady?

Me: None. I don’t want kids

Teacher: Excuse me? What did you say?

Me: Errr…none? I don’t want any children

Teacher: Get out

Me: I’m serious – I just don’t want any! Mum says there’s nothing wrong with that!

Teacher: No, get out of my classroom

Me: What? Why? What did I do?!

Teacher: I’m not having any pupil answering me back with your attitude

Me: But, you asked me the question!

Classmate: Yeah – you asked me too and I’m not being kicked out?

Teacher: Because YOU *pointing at my classmate* are normal where SHE *points at me* is just totally warped. God alone knows what her parents are like.

(I did have to leave the classroom, in tears, and sit outside for the rest of the lesson. When my parents found out they complained to the school about the teacher’s bigoted behaviour but were told that the school wasn’t going to believe what a single pupil had said and that the teacher had said I was “disruptive and offensive”. This was nearly 20 years ago and I have been married for 10 years and still have no kids and no plans to have any – but I’m not warped, despite what she said)

Unfiltered Story #28064

Copenhagen, Denmark | Unfiltered | April 10, 2016

(My mother and I have gone to see a movie in a cinema which is very proud of the quality of it’s screen and sound systems, so of course there’s a small advert for it before the movie. The audience is only about half-full.)

Ad: *wroom-woom* Sound all around you.

Person: *loud whisper* My headphones at home are better.

*beat**whole audience starts giggling*

Person: Thank you, thank you, I’m here all day.

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