Unfiltered Story #47660

Maryland, USA | Unfiltered | December 29, 2015

(My sister brought home a toy for our dogs; a stuffed elephant that when squeezed, is supposed to sound like an elephant. Instead, it just sounds like a dying animal. Both dogs dislike it, especially our puppy who begins to whimper and shake whenever the sound goes off, so we put it aside in order to return it later. My dad has just gotten home from work.)

Dad: *upon finding the toy* I bet the dogs will like this, have you given it to them yet?

Me: Don’t squeeze it. The sound scares the dogs and makes the puppy freak out.

Dad: Really? That’s weird.

(He then proceeds to squeeze it, and predictably, the puppy starts to cry and shake, before running off into the other room where my mom is.)

Mom: She told you not to squeeze it! Look what you did!

Dad: I was just trying to see if she was being serious or not!

Unfiltered Story #32232

Canada | Unfiltered | December 28, 2015

*My best friend, her boyfriend and I are waiting for class to start, and since we have a fair bit of time, we’re getting antsy. My friend sits down and her boyfriend sits on her lap. She tries to get him off by slapping his back over and over again until she gets out a rhythmic beat, and her boyfriend in response is making vibrating noises. I’m watching in shock as an idea comes to mind. As they continue, I start rapping*

Me: fire up the loud! Another round of shots!

*my friends stop and turn to look at me, then*

All 3 of us: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!

*the three of us spent the rest of the time remaking the song*

Unfiltered Story #67048

Pennsylvania | Unfiltered | December 28, 2015

(I work in the seasonal department of a well-known department store. I’m just about to start closing the register down for the night and it’s already past closing time. A man walks in who is obviously intoxicated.)

Me; Sir, I apologize. We are closed for the night. If there is something I can get for you, I can help you quick, but I’ll have to limit your browsing.

Customer: F*** you, b****! I done need the bathroom. A mans got to do his business.

Me: I apologize again, Sir, but we have no public restrooms in this store. Now, I’m going to have to ask you to please leave. I won’t tolerate your language directed to me.

Customer: But I have to go! Now!

(This man proceeds to stagger over to one of our faux Christmas tree displays.)

Screw it! Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!

(The customer pulls down his pants zipper and urinates on one of our trees and on our carpet. Not only is he acting completely inappropriate, he is also singing “Jingle Bells” very loudly. I have our security on the phone and shortly, two security officers are attempting to escort the customer of the sale floor.)

Customer: I warned the lady at the desk that I had to go! This is her fault! I’ll sue and take all of your jobs!

Me: Good luck with that, Sir.

Unfiltered Story #27961

Texas, USA | Unfiltered | December 28, 2015

(My best friend and I are very close, we are in my room talking, attempting to speak French. I ask my dad a question)

Me: *In French* Dad! Do you speak French?

Dad: Yes! I so speak French! How about [best friends name]?

Me: *I look over and ask her if she speaks French*

Best Friend: …Oui Oui?

(My dad and I start cracking up and to this day, we still tease her about that!)

Unfiltered Story #56684

USA | Unfiltered | December 28, 2015

*I am going through line at a popular retail chain, the cashier has had to repeat things for the woman in front of me several times. The other woman leaves and I move forward.*

Cashier: (heaving a big sigh) I am so glad you speak English. I’m so tired of repeating everything and not being understood. You know I get that it’s hard to learn a new language and all but it sure makes my job more difficult. (she goes on like this for a bit longer before I have a chance to say anything)

Me: (With my best apologetic look) No hablo Ingles.

Cashier: (with a shocked and exasperated expression) Seriously?

Me: (finally smiling) No.

(In reality English is the only language I know fluently and I’m pretty sure I used the wrong phrasing but it still scared her a bit)

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