(I’m working at a haunt for Halloween. The room I’m in is the entrance to the maze and is designed like a doctor’s waiting room with two dummies in chairs. I’m sitting at a desk with a “”Sign In” sign next to the entrance of the maze. I’m slumped in my chair, like a dummy. Three people come in.)

Goth Guy: “Oh, look at these guys! They’re so creepy! I wish I could get my hair like this doctor, his is awesome.”

Furry Guy: “Dude, that’s a chick! Chicks have long hair!”

Goth Guy: “Not all of them! You’ve never been to [Local Goth Club]! You don’t know!”

(They argue for a minute until I jump out of my chair, making a loud thump. They scream.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to the St. Francis mental institution! The doctor will be with you shortly, but first please step into the disinfecting room!”

(I open the door to the maze and let them in.)

Goth Guy: “Uh… I know you’ve probably gotten this a million times tonight, but… uh… can I have your phone number?”

(I wasn’t interested in dating him, but I was part of the local goth scene, even working for a band that plays at the club he was talking about! We ended up being friends on facebook! I still find it funny that he wanted to flirt when five seconds before that he thought I was a man.)

(When my grandparents and dad moved to the US from China they lived in a neighborhood with few Chinese families. One of them had the same last name as us. Note that most Chinese last names are very common and ours is one of the most common.)

Teacher: (dad’s full name)

Dad: Here!

Teacher: Are you (name) and (name2)’s brother? I thought it was them, no one talked about you.

Dad: I’m not.

Teacher: But you have the same last name.

Dad: In China, there are many same last names. There are 30 in my class, 5 have my last name.

Teacher: Really? That’s amazing.

Dad: Not to me.

Teacher: Well I learned something. We all did.

(The first time but not the last they were thought to be the same family.)

(Note: I am a senior in college, studying in photography. I am not majoring in Spanish, nor have ever taken a Spanish class.My dad comes to me, holding up a can in Spanish.)

Dad: You’re in college, how do you pronounce this?

Me: ……

(I work in a large research facility that houses several thousand animals. I am part of the veterinary medical staff and am getting ready to give out a certain medication when one of the doctors comes by.)

Doctor: What have you got there?

Me: It’s (medication) for that guy in (room). Fortunately it’s the last dose.

Doctor: Oh, is that for the monkey?

(We have about 2500 monkeys in our facility.)

Me: …yes, it’s for the monkey.

(I am friends with the girl dating my brother and while he’s away, I’ve been keeping in touch with her. At the beginning of term, I find out that we’re both auditioning for a very competitive choir, where one year, there were 800 singers vying for 170 spots.)

Me: It would be so much fun if we both got into Women’s Chorus!

Friend: I know! We’d have so many excuses to hang out.

(Unfortunately, when the list goes up, I find my name on the final roster, but not hers. Right on cue, she calls.)

Me: Hey, [friend].

Friend: [my name]! I saw you got into Women’s Chorus! That’s awesome!

Me: Thank you! I’m sorry you didn’t, but…

Friend (after a pause): Because I’m going to be in concert choir.

(This is an even more elite group.)

Me: Well, we’ll still have concerts together!

(She’s now my sister-in-law and I have no idea if she remembers this.)