( My school was in lockdown for a while. We did online school. In ICT the fire bell rings and the teacher goes away.)
Classmate: Where is (Teacher)?
Classmate #2: He left the meeting
Me: What do we do?
Classmate #3: I think we should go
( This was all recorded!)

(My sister has always fallen for jerks, and she’s always been overweight. I guess she has low self esteem. Now her husband and her have been fighting about her weight.)

Her Husband: “You’re huge!”

Sister: “So are you!”

Her Husband: “I’m a man! Girls need to be skinny, like your sister! You fat pig!”

(Note, I’m not skinny. The next day, my sister accused me of flaunting my body in front of her husband.)

Me: “I don’t flaunt anything to that jerk. He’s disgusting and I wouldn’t have him if he were the last guy on earth!”

Sister: “He’s not ugly!? He’s hot!”

Me: “If you like fat hairy men sure.”

Sister: “So you do like him! You slut!”

(Sadly this isn’t the first time. When we were teens, she accused me of being a slut for wearing jeans on front of her then boyfriend, saying they were too tight and he stared at me! Wtf.)

I work at a convenience store. Behind my register is a 4″ tall by 6″ wide shelving unit of nothing but cigarette packs. It’s in full view of anyone standing at register.
One day I am asked by five different people at 5 different times, “do you sell cigarettes?” I look behind me everytime and point and say yes what areyou looking for?…by the 5th time, I’m outta givea f$(@ks to give and just look customer dead in the eye and say no, they are all display models. He believed me and left the store. I was laughing to hard to stop him. My boss was laughing too hard to reprimand me.

This is a story about my grandfather from the late 1950s as told to me by my mom. Her dad was a milkman, back when they were common. He’d get up at 4 am every weekday to take milk to all the people who had subscriptions with his company. His company was considered one of the better milk brands, and they were not yet selling their milk in grocery stores. The concern was that if it’s in the store, who would want delivery? The local grocery store kept begging to carry the milk, and finally, a deal was struck. The store could carry the mild as long as the milk in the store was a couple of cents more expensive than the delivered milk. At first, everything was going fine, until the store lowed the price of the milk without permission. That’s when things got interesting.

For whatever reason, the milk company couldn’t or didn’t want to sue the store. The milkmen though were having none of this, my grandfather included. This was their livelihood. My grandfather was supporting his wife and their three kids on this job. He was not losing it to a grocery store sale. So all the milkmen decided to peacefully protest. Abet, not in the usual way.

On the first day, all the milkmen and their families went to the store throughout the day. They each filled up two carts, right to the brim, almost overflowing with random food from all throughout the store. They brought the carts to the checkout, and then they left without a word, leaving all that food to be restocked.

The next day the milk was still cheaper, so they thought they needed to doing something more drastic. Back everyone went. This time they took perishables, dairy, meat, anything that would go bad and stink if not kept in refrigeration. They took everything and started hiding it throughout the store. Fresh fish? Let’s put it behind the cereal boxes. Big steak? I’ll look better behind the canned peas. And so on and so forth. All these milkmen and their families. All-day. Setting up a treasure hunt of disastrous proportions.

By the end of that day, the grocery store had got the picture. The milk was quickly changed back to the previous price. and the milkmen and their families went back to shopping normally. My grandfather was a milkman until he died at 56, and there were a number of pranks he played, but this is truly one of the best.

(My brother’s cat is in my room, and since he’s too fat to clean his butt I don’t want him on my bed. So I take the nearest thing, which is my lacy bra, and start smacking at him, hoping to scare him away. Instead, he starts slashing at it, thinking we’re playing. He bites it and shakes his head like a dog! I try to grab it but he snatches it back!)

Me: “Bro look at your cat! He’s playing with my underwear!”

Cat: *stops and starts rubbing and nuzzling it*

Me: “Ah! Now he’s rubbing his cheeks on my underwear! Pervert cat!”

(My brother found it funny. We read lots of manga though…)