(My school gets out a couple of minutes before my younger brothers so I normally walk over and grab him. As I am walking over one dayI find my self next to a baby in her stroller, a mother, and a father walking together. The baby smiles at me and waves)

Me:(Smiles and waves back.)

Mother: how dare you wave at my child! I don’t even know you! Don’t ever do that again or I will call the police for stalking!

Me: I am very sorry ma’am, I did not mean to upset you, all I did was wave because your baby waved at me.

Mother: My Amy would never do anything that rude.

(The next day as I am walking over a find myself next to the same woman.)

Little girl:(smiles and waves)

Me: (ignores because of what had happened yesterday.)

Mother: Learn some manners young man. My Amy waved and you completely ignored her. Disrespectful people like you make me sick.

(The father who has been completely silent the steps in)

Father: Sandra, you are embarrassing yourself, this is the exact same young man who you yelled at yesterday for waving at Amy. Please get in the car before you hurt yourself.

Woman: (silently walks off)

Father: I’m sorry she gets excited when she hasn’t hasn’t eaten in a while.

Me:(trying not laugh thanks him and walks off.)

(I’m at Disneyland with my parents they let me loose for a minute, and I decided to hit downtown disney and I spotted a chocolate shop. I picked up a candy bar and headed to the checkout.)

Me: (Note, I’m 11 at this point in time.) “One chocolate caramel bar please!”

Cashier: Where are your parents?(Note: Parents are next door.)

Me: oh they aren’t here right now…

Cashier: (Cutting me off) “Oh my god it’s people like your parents that ruin this place, letting these heathens loose to run amok around the park! And you should know you need an adult to buy candy! Well you would if you weren’t raised by idiots.”

(A women walks over to me from the display next to the register)

Women: Jimmy! (Note: not my name) “There you are! I’m so sorry we got separated in th crowd. Let me pay for that candy bar!”

(My “mom” paid for the candy bar and took me to the exit. I thanked her a bunch and gave her half of the bar. I had a wonderful rest of the day.)

In the holiday season a few years ago, I was hired on to fill online orders. As it grew closer and closer to Christmas, the weirder the orders were.

One night I received a call on the internal phone line.

Me: “Hello, This is the online agent, how can I help you?

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a to place an order for something at your store. I say it at -the next town over- and would like to order it here.

Me: “If you pull up our site, you can order it there. We don’t take orders unless they’re submitted online.”

Customer: “I saw it at the other store. Can you go see if you have it?”

I ask the customer what the item is and it’s something I’ve never heard of.It doesn’t help that they’re extremely vague about it. I also can’t take orders through the phone. We just don’t work that way.

Me: “I’m sure if you stop in we can help you find it. Unfortunately the item you’re looking for is one I haven’t heard of. Another department might know about it if you come and give us a visit.”

Customer: “I don’t have a car. Would it be possible for someone to pick me up?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t do that.”

Customer: ” I also don’t have a computer. Could you order the item for me?”

Me: “Sir, I can’t do that. I have no way of ordering the item for you.”

Customer: “But you’re the online person. You’re savvy with computers. Don’t you have one you an use? Like a personal one?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. I can’t do that.”

Customer: “You guys don’t provide transportation or allow me to place an order. What kind of company is this?”

He proceeds to violently hang up. Good thing too, I just got another strange order.

(My Sophomore English teacher (English Teacher 1) is totally awesome and we have s lot of fun in his class. One day there is this conversation where this kid (Classmate 1) accidentally said that he would do something that disrespected Jews. My English Teacher is Jewish…so is the freshman english teacher (English Teacher 2) and Classmate 1’s Friend (Classmate 2). A few days later my English teacher brings up the conversation again and this is what happens…)

English Teacher 1: You know I’m Jewish right?

Classmate 1: Yeah. I also know “Classmate 2” is too!

English Teacher 1: (Innterrupts Classmate 1. In the direction of Classmate 2) Brother!

Class: (Laughs)

Classmate 1: And “English Teacher 2’s Last Name” I is Jewish too.

(Pause)

Classmate 2: (As if he was deep in thought) Does this mean I’m going to be an English Teacher when I grow up?

(The class starts laughing hysterically and we had to wait a second before continuing with the lesson.)

Sister: Is the pope Jewish?