(I work in a consignment store where customers bring in their unwanted clothes, shoes, accessories, and housewares. We often get a lot of customers that don’t understand that what you see is what you get. Store policy dictates that after a certain price, shoes are put one on the floor and one behind the counter where we keep everything expensive. A man walks over with several pairs of shoes missing their pairs while I’m at the register.)

Man: *Mumbles something in a heavy Russian accent*

Me: *assuming he wants the pairs to the shoes he has, i answer.* You want the pairs? Alright…

(I turn to grab the pairs to the shoes the man is holding when he very roughly reaches OVER the counter and grabs my arm.

Man: NO! I need these shoes in my size. I am [size]

Me: *I pull away from his grip* I apologize sir, but we only have the shoes you’re holding. We don’t have multiple pairs of every shoe we bring in.

Man: *getting agitated* I can SEE more pairs! Look!

(He points at the single shoes behind the counter, the pairs to the ones he’s still holding)

Me: sir, I’m sorry but those are the matches to the shoes you’re holding. We have more shoes in the men’s section that might fit you.

Man: *absolutely furious* LIAR! You’re trying to SCAM ME! I SEE THOSE SHOES! I’m not an IDIOT!

(The man continues to berate me, and one of my coworkers approaches. Before she can get close enough, the man physically throws the shoes at me, one of which ended up bruising my side. I begin to tear up and he storms away towards the men’s section, where he begins to yell again. My manager ended up having to escort him out. Luckily i haven’t seen him since!)

My friends and I are sitting in the cafeteria at lunch. Friend 1 is eating the “healthy” baked potato chips, which are pointier than normal potato chips.

Friend 1: What kind of potato is even shaped like this?

Me: A BAKED potato!

(My friends and I burst out laughing).

Friend 2: I hate you right now. That joke was amazing.

(This takes place when I was about twelve years old. At the time I was extremely shy and had a huge sister complex, which I still do. Anyways, this was on Black Friday. I hadn’t slept the night before because we wanted to make sure that we got what we were wanting, so this made me feel like I was going to cry at any moment. While me and my sister each have our own carts we are hocked together by her hands.)

Sister: We have to turn, I’m letting go. *she lets go and turns the corner, I go to follow her but. . . )

Woman: Move! *pushes my turning cart out of the way and gets between me and my sister*

Me: Hey! *sister’s name*!

Sister: *turns around to see what happened* Ma’am, please let her through.

Woman: No, the little bitch should have made it through before me!

Me: *teary eyes* B-But y-you shoved me out o-of the w-way!

Woman: *scoffs and continues on her way and I have to maneuver between the other shoppers to get back to my sister*

(I am in Ninth grade, in Biology. My teacher tends to be the really rude type, not exactly strict, though really dumb at times while trying to be serious.)

Me: “I got a low score on this quiz, can I have a retake?”

Teacher: “No retakes on ANY quizzes!”

Me: “…”

*The whole class just stares at the teacher as this is said.*

(Funnily enough, the syllabus she handed out said we could have retakes, and only a couple minutes later, she says we can have a retake. This flabbergasts almost everyone in the room.)

(My sister is on the computer cruising the net when she comes across an article by a site famous for writing parody articles. She then proceeds to read it out loud, thinking it’s a normal article. I peer over her shoulder.)

Me: You do realize this is a parody article, right?

Sister: How do you know?

Me: It’s [site name]. They’re famous for their parody sites. You should have seen the one they did for Harry Potter.

Sister: Well, that’s stupid!