Walking to my boyfriend’s car frm a Grad party with a girl we just met who lives on my street. My boyfriend and I have brown hair, but nothing else in common..

Me: “Give me a piggy back ride!”

Boyfriend:(He’s holding my cowboy boots) Fine! hold your shoes, though.”

Girl: “I’ll hold them.”

(Silence)

Girl: “How Far apart in age are you two?”

Me: “2 years!”

Girl: “Did your parents want 2 kids?”

(Dawns on us she thinks we’re related)

Boyfriend: “NO! we’re not related! We’re dating!”

Girl:”Oh. you would make cute sisters.”

(silence for the entire car ride ensued)

My friend and I are talking at work. It’s about 5 a.m and we both work overnights.

Friend: *mumbles something incoherent* salsa

Me: What was that?

Friend: Salsa.

Me: Yeah, but what did you say before that?

Friend: I was following up your quip about blenders.

Me: Yeah, but what did you say?

Friend: Salsa! Never mind, the joke was lost!

Me: What was the complete sentence?!

Friend: I didn’t say a sentence.

Me: You said something before the word Salsa, what’d you say?

Friend: Oh, I said, “and that’s also why they make salsa!” It’s an incomplete sentence.

Me: …no, no it’s not.

(One of our class projects is to create a civilization, and artifacts to represent that civilization. One of my group’s artifacts is a [fake!] baby’s coffin.)

Classmate: What should the baby’s name be?

Me: How about Baby [Teacher’s Name]?

(So that’s what we painted on the ‘coffin’ in our made-up language, and the teacher had no idea!)

I’m working as a cashier, and this old guy comes through with his few groceries. Not a big deal. Well, a few minutes later he comes back to the cash and decides to come back through mine telling the other cashier: “Might as well go see my old girlfriend.”

Well, he sets a large ham on the belt as I’m finishing processing a young couple’s order.

The young man looks at him as his girlfriend pays and they start laughing about going through cashes more than once in a day.

Young man: So that’s supper?

Old man: Yepp…

Young man: *looking at me* Are you going to cook it for him?

Me: No… *why would I cook his ham?*

I think nothing of it until the young man says: “Yeah, let her touch your meat.”

…-.-

My roommate has received a notice from the DMV reminding him to renew his driver’s license. Since we have moved recently, he also needs to bring in additional documentation to prove the new address. We both pore over the letter carefully to make sure that he has acceptable documents. The next day, he goes to the DMV.

Roommate: I need to renew my license, and update my address.

Clerk: Okay, but we’re going to need something to verify the new address.

Roommate: Yeah, I brought this bank statement with the new address that I printed last night.

Clerk: We can’t accept a print-out.

Roommate: Really? I also brought the letter that the DMV sent to me. See this part here? Where it says “printed electronic documents are acceptable”?

Clerk: *snatches up his documents* Fine!

*The clerk was short with him for the rest of the transaction, but he was able to get his new license.*