Walking to my boyfriend’s car frm a Grad party with a girl we just met who lives on my street. My boyfriend and I have brown hair, but nothing else in common..

Me: “Give me a piggy back ride!”

Boyfriend:(He’s holding my cowboy boots) Fine! hold your shoes, though.”

Girl: “I’ll hold them.”

(Silence)

Girl: “How Far apart in age are you two?”

Me: “2 years!”

Girl: “Did your parents want 2 kids?”

(Dawns on us she thinks we’re related)

Boyfriend: “NO! we’re not related! We’re dating!”

Girl:”Oh. you would make cute sisters.”

(silence for the entire car ride ensued)

My friend and I are talking at work. It’s about 5 a.m and we both work overnights.

Friend: *mumbles something incoherent* salsa

Me: What was that?

Friend: Salsa.

Me: Yeah, but what did you say before that?

Friend: I was following up your quip about blenders.

Me: Yeah, but what did you say?

Friend: Salsa! Never mind, the joke was lost!

Me: What was the complete sentence?!

Friend: I didn’t say a sentence.

Me: You said something before the word Salsa, what’d you say?

Friend: Oh, I said, “and that’s also why they make salsa!” It’s an incomplete sentence.

Me: …no, no it’s not.

(One of our class projects is to create a civilization, and artifacts to represent that civilization. One of my group’s artifacts is a [fake!] baby’s coffin.)

Classmate: What should the baby’s name be?

Me: How about Baby [Teacher’s Name]?

(So that’s what we painted on the ‘coffin’ in our made-up language, and the teacher had no idea!)

(When I first started working for a popular fast food restaurant, the management made a point of telling me how long my hair was. Regularly. I figured it was just his way of telling me to cut it. For reference I am a male. As was my manager.)

Me: *Arriving for shift*

Manager: Hey [my name]. Man, look at your hair.

Me: *Rolls eyes while fixing the apron that was part of my uniform*

Manager: Hey, do you even like girls?

(At this point, the entire kitchen froze. All my coworkers were watching to see what was about to happen.)

Me: *Burning death glare at manager*

Manager: Woah, man! It was just a joke!

Me: *Shakes head and heads to take my position on the line*

*Some time later*

Manger: *Nudges me* Hey, [my name], you need to learn to take a joke man.

*After going home*

Me: *Tells mom what happened*

Mom: Should have asked him if he was interested.

(Just FYI, I have nothing against anyone who is attracted to the same gender, but I’ve had issues with being picked on and told that I was gay when I’m not.)

In the kitchen with my parents

Dad: Did you know garlic passes the blood brain barrier and that’s why your hands smell of garlic after you eat it?.

Me: (sarcastically) Really? I thought my hands stunk because I cut up the garlic and didn’t wash my hands enough.

Dad (fakes angry and gestures wildly at Mum): You see! She’s your fault! I swear I was asleep when I made her.

Mum: Could have fooled me she’s exactly like you.

Dad: Shaddup woman.