(This is many years ago when my husband and I were just dating, I was working a second job as a bartender as I was a single mom of 2. On this particular evening it was my night to get off early of my bar was slow. My husband and his brother, sister-in-law, and best friend came into my bar just before I was released.)

Husband: Ok, you’re off, lets go to (bar under new management across town).

(We head there, but then I remember, since I was working I didn’t have my purse/ID with me. I ALWAYS got ID’d at bars at which we weren’t regulars.)

Me: I don’t have my ID, they won’t serve me.

Husband: I’m sure it’ll be ok.

We walk into the bar.

Bartender: (to me) ID please

Me: (starts giggling)

Bartender: (VERY angrily) Well, I HAVE to see your ID! See those two guys down the bar? They’re COPS! I could get ARRESTED! (I knew them, they weren’t cops.)

Me: No, no, I’m sorry, I was just giggling because I just told (husband) I would get ID’d. I work at (bar) and I totally get it! We’ll just go somewhere else.

We leave, as we’re driving away…

Husband: Wow, she was a real b*&^c! We just live up the street, lets go get your ID and go back.

We go get my purse/ID and go back. Note, it’s approximately midnight, closing time is 2am. We walk back into the bar. Again, Note, I’m the OLDEST out of our group by at least 2 years.

Bartender: ID’s!! ALL of you! Now!!

We all show ID.

Bartender: Ok, WHAT do you want? Make it quick, I’m about to close! (We look around questioningly, as there are about 12 people scattered around the bar)

Husband: I’ll have a (beer).

Brother In Law: I’ll have a (Beer)

(We all order about the same thing. Bartender gets out 6 ounce juice glasses and starts filling them with draft beer we didn’t order, all our beers were bottles or cans)

Brother-In Law: Hey! I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I haven’t had a drink all night! I’d like the beer I ordered, or at least a regular sized draft!

We all agree.

Bartender: (Extremely angry) THAT’S IT!! Get out!! ALL OF YOU!! AND YOU!! (Looking directly at me) ARE A SMART A$$!!

We all look confused and leave. The next day my husband returned as he knew the owner. The owner told him the bartender reported that at 2 am, when she was cleaning up to close, a “bunch of rowdy kids” came in and she had to throw them out. My husband informed him that it was me, a paralegal (and part-time bartender at (well known bar), him, a local business owner, his brother, a corporate attorney and his wife and our friend, a transport company owner. As it was only midnight we would have sat there and had a few each and tipped generously, but as we were treated so badly, we wouldn’t be back. Needless to say I heard that bartender didn’t work there anymore after that. And that’s the one and only time in my life I’ve EVER been kicked out of a bar…because I was OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK, and proved it!

(Because it is private property, this amusement park does not have to let guns onto the premises, even on off-duty police officers or others licensed to carry. An man is trying to get through the metal detectors with a gun. One of the security members at the gates stops him.)

Man: Hey, it’s okay, I’m a government official.

Coworker: I’m sorry, we can’t allow guns on the premises.

Man: That’s unconstitutional!

Coworker: Actually, we’re private property and we can restrict firearms, same as a school could. Only on-duty police can bring in guns. If you’re concerned about your safety, we have armed on-duty police in the park at all times. We have our own force.

Man: But I’m a government official! I can carry this!

(My coworker looks skeptical.)

Coworker: … What kind of government official?

Man: (Drawing himself up proudly) Fish and wildlife!

(It took all the power of the security staff not to crack up right there. He continued badgering us for nearly an hour, eventually becoming angry, shouting and throwing small objects at us, at which point we were allowed to threaten him with a ban. As he left –)

Coworker 2: Don’t worry! If I see a duck in danger, I’ll be sure to call you!

(My best friend has a “problem” where she almost always fails to say something nice without adding something a little bit insulting to it at the same time. Usually I don’t mind that quirk. We are out on the town celebrating my recent engagement.)

[Friend]: You don’t know how lucky you are! I mean, you’re engaged, and he loves you, no matter what.

Me: *smiling* I know. I’m incredibly happy.

[Friend]: He loves you even though you can be so *unbelievably* hard to be around! I mean, loving you like that, even though you have the flaws you do… And you really have flaws! It’s unbelievable!

(I don’t really know what to say, but it hurts me a lot, and I end up walking home with tears in my eyes. The next day, I’m over it, and we’re playing a quiz game with my fiancé and another friend. It’s a running joke that [Best friend] usually gets the answers wrong.)

[Fiancé]: What is the name of the leaf the koala bear likes to eat?

[Other friend]: Oh. I don’t know…

Me: Come on! Even [Best friend] would know this!

[Best friend]: Hey!

Me: *laughing* Come on, why can’t I joke like that when you said it’s unbelievable my fiance loves me even with all of my flaws? (Everyone laughs)

[Best friend]: (coldly) I can’t believe you would say that. I’m *really* mad at you now. Why would you say that?!

Me: …

(My high school has an area outside which is covered by tarps, the ground is covered in fake grass. Students tend to eat their lunch out here, so it gets rather messy. My friend and I are walking to the main office, no other students are around. We see one of the maintenance crew vacuuming the lawn.)

Friend: Is he “vacuuming” the lawn? *incredulous expression*

Me: Yes, yes he is. *continues walking*

(There are four girls in my family– myself and my three younger sisters. Sometimes my parents will call us by the wrong names/need a minute to come up with the right one.)

Sister: Sometimes I don’t feel as loved because I’m one of the middle children.

Mom: Of course we love you, uhm….uh…*snaps fingers, clearly drawing a blank on the name* Uhm…