Sister: Is the pope Jewish?

(I occasionally do office work for my mothers home business. On this particular day, she was having difficulty with her network printer. For some reason, the connection kept dropping, so we visited the support website listed on the printer and began talking to an online support consultant.)

Me: Hi, my mum recently purchased a (type) network printer from your company, it seems to be having difficulty staying connected to the wi-fi. Can you help?

Consultant: Yes. I will send you a remote access request now. Please go to this website (website)

Me: (after checking the link) Okay.

(remote access comes up, and I accept it. Mum and I sit there watching as he clicks on My Documents.. clicks around for a little while, right clicks on the desktop, does nothing, never even goes near the Devices and Printers area. By now, Im getting wary.)

Me: Is everything okay?

Consultant: Yes.

(after a long pause they then open internet explorer and of all things, they type the URL for Facebook!)

Me: What are you doing?

(Luckilly my mum rarely uses it and always logs herself out!)

Consultant: Please log in to facebook.

Me: Why?

Consultant: Please, log in to facebook.

Me: Why do you even need it?!

Consultant: (closes facebook and goes to a website I do not recognise, they begin downloading something onto her computer.)

(At that moment, with mum panicking behind me, I hard-switch off the computer, and mum switches off the router. God only knows what they were trying to do! We reported the incident to the company, they agreed that was their support website but denied everything that had happened. Needless to say, when they next sent a bill for their hire services, we refused to pay and returned the printer.)

I’m staying with my aunt and uncle for school while I’m in university, and Im there for Halloween. My aunt has bought all these cans of pops for Halloween, along with other varieties of cans too. She and my uncle go out with the kids, as I decided to stay back and work a bit while giving out the cans to trick or treaters. So when a large group of kids come I’m handing them out and I feel like Oprah.

“You get a pop! You get a pop! You get a pop! You get a can of orange juice!”

(Although, if you are wondering, no, I was not being a jerk. That kid just didn’t like any pops at all. May God have mercy on his soul.)

(I am a planning on dressing up as the tenth doctor for the fiftieth anniversary special for Doctor Who because I will be at a college program for the day with a bunch of other geeks. I went to the Goodwill to find a good coat for my costume, but couldn’t decide between two coats, so I went to ask a worker which I should use)

Me: Hi, I have a bit of a weird question for you. Do you watch Doctor Who? I’m trying to put together a tenth doctor costume and couldn’t decide which of these coats would be best.

Worker 1: No, I don’t, but [name] does. I’ll go get him for you. (Leaves to get coworker) Worker 2: So, the tenth doctor? (Worker 2 helps me choose between the two coats, and I thank him. After I pay, as I’m leaving, I hear someone in the store laughing.)

(My mom and I are sitting in a booth at the restaurant TGI Fridays. She orders something that has avacadoes, and it reminds me of some trivia I’d heard at school that day)

ME: “Hey Mom! Did you know that avacadoes have more fruitine than any prote!”

Mom: “They have the .. what?”

Me: “Just… just… never mind…”

(Both of us burst out laughing as I hide my head in my hands. The diners around us begin staring.)