(A customer has a coupon that she pulled up on her phone. I ask my manager if she can use it and he says no because it says “Online Only” on the coupon.)

Me: I’m sorry, you can’t use this coupon. It’s online only.

Customer #1: Oh really? Oh well, that’s ok.

(I start ringing up her items)

Customer #2: Um excuse me? I can’t use this coupon?

Me: No, it’s online only.

(Meanwhile, manager comes up to the register)

Customer #2: *says to manager* I can’t use this coupon?!

Manager: I’m sorry but no, it’s online only, we can’t honor it here.

Customer #2: So you’re saying that I drove all the way here and I can’t use this?! That’s the only reason I came all the way out here!

(Customer #2 continues to make a scene.)

Customer #2: I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!!!

(Manager apologized to customer #2, customer #2 leaves her cart full of clothes right in front of the registers, calls manager and tries to steal something on the way out)

I had ordered chicken-fried steak, one of my favorite meals. When our meals were brought out, I cut into my steak to find chicken fried… chicken. I shrugged and started eating that, as I like that also.

I then noticed our server looking worried and walking towards us.

Server: Is that what you ordered? I can never remember if that’s supposed to be chicken fried like a steak, or steak breaded and fried like chicken.

Me: No, it’s supposed to be steak, but that’s okay, I’ll eat this, I like it too.

Server: I’ll get you what you ordered instead, I’ll have them rush it so it won’t take too long.

Me: Nah, don’t worry about it, this is fine! Really.

When he brought out the check later, he’d comped my dinner… which got him an even bigger tip.

(I’m at my older friends house chatting about random things when the subject of babies comes up. My friends son is 28 living interstate & her daughter is 9 at the time. She turns to her daughter)

Friend: “Baby, when you’re old enough you gotta find a nice man & give me grand kids because it doesn’t look like your brother is going to”

(Her daughter thinks about this then looks at her mum)

FD: “But mum I can have kids if i have a girlfriend too”

Friend: “What? Well hell yeah you can, just give me grand kids damn it”

FD: “I promise i will mum”

(I couldn’t help but laugh. She is a super smart kid & has surprised everyone at times with her views on things)

I am in a chatroom where two popular YouTube content providers are discussing things for our entertainment. One of them leaves and the remain one is looking for someone else to cohost with him. He knows me and adds me as the cohost when he sees me in the chat. He knows I have a cat because he’s heard her several times when we have had Skype calls together and he took notice when she crawled on my lap during our video conversation.

Presenter: “Oh look, it’s the cat! Meow! Meow, meow meow.”

Me: “I’m wearing headphones, she can’t hear you, you’re just purring at me.”

Presenter: *Laughing* “I wonder if that’s considered homosexuality or bestiality?”

Me: “I’d rather not consider either option.”

(We are in a psychology lesson and out teacher is a bit later than normal. My friends believe in the myth that you can leave if the teacher is fifteen minutes late.)

Girl 1: (Looks at clock) “Nine minutes until, we can leave.”

(At this moment the teacher walks in.)

Girls 1 & 2: “Nooooo…”

(Out teacher looks at them for a moment and then silently walks back out. He walks back in and about three people cheer quietly and sarcastically.)

Teacher: “Better.”