(I can’t get the WiFi on my laptop to work. My dad is a programmer for a major software company, so I call him at work to see if he can help me.)

Dad: Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with it. Sorry.

Me: That’s okay. Thanks anyway.

(My dad switches topics to my upcoming wedding. After chatting about it for a bit, I tell him which song my fiance and I want to use for a combined parent dance.)

Dad: It sounds really sappy.

Me: No, it’s not really. It’s really sweet and works for both of us.

Dad: You could do the Can-Can!

Me: *groans* Dad!

Dad: *laughs*

(I am sitting with several coworkers, waiting for another coworker to give a presentation. The room’s technology has been finicky all day, causing setup problems.)

Coworker #1: “Okay, I think this is going to work. But if it doesn’t, just remember, a presentation is only as good as the WiFi that runs it.”

Coworker #2: (Very dramatically) “WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, FI?”

(It took another two minutes to start the presentation because no one in the room could stop laughing.)

(My friend and I were both 16 and camping with the Boy Scouts and we had stopped at a rest stop for a break and everyone was dressed in their Class A Field uniform. My friend and I were checking to make sure there weren’t any boys left in the bathroom when we ran into a lady on our way out of the building)

Lady: Oh my goodness, look at you! I just want to say thank you for everything you do for our country, riskin’ your lives everyday so we can enjoy the freedoms of our great nation.

Us: Err… Ma’am…

Lady: (interrupting us) I mean y’all are just so brave and I can’t thank you enough for what you do! (scurries off into the bathroom)

Friend: Does that lady really think we’re in the military?

(We are seated in math class and the teacher is teaching a lesson.)

*Student’s phone goes off*

(The class turns to look at the student.)

Student: It better not be Betty again!

*Student picks up the phone*

Student: STOP CALLING ME!

*Student hangs up*

Student: It was Betty from the laundry service! She won’t stop calling me!

(It was a telemarketer who had apparently irked the student enough to answer his phone in the middle of class.)

Later:

*Class phone rings*

Other Student: That better not be Betty again!

Me: It smells good out here Grandmother: Yeah it must The Hobbit

Me: The Hobbit? You mean The Habit, Oma

Grandmother: Oh…yeah