I do not like my father’s sister. I never have, but I was always polite to her growing up, mostly for my parents’ sake. We were never close, even though my parents often left me with her when I was younger – family babysitting, what can you do. She always tried to have this super close relationship with me, but I just couldn’t do it. As I got older, it was harder and harder for me to ignore her actions, however I did try to stay polite. The following story is what made me decide to say ‘to hell with this b*tch!’ and cut all ties with her.

It is many years ago, I am 23, and my mother is dying. It is a horrific, truly terrible experience, and I am heartbroken. It’s me, my father, my (paternal) grandparents, and this woman in my mother’s hospital room, about to say our goodbyes whilst she is still coherent enough to understand. I am standing next to her bed holding her hand, sobbing, barely able to speak, wondering how I can possibly go on without her, and this pathetic excuse for a human being comes up to me, hugs me, and says the following:

Dad’s sister: Don’t worry. I’ll always be a mother to you.

At the time, I was crying so hard I could barely focus, so I just pushed her away and gave her a ‘WTF?!’ look before going back to my Mum. A month or so later, after the funeral and everything else, I told my Dad that I would rather stab out my own eyes with rusty nails before spending any more time with her every again. He was a bit taken aback, but understood once I explained everything that had happened. To this day, he’s never forced me to spend time with her, and I do my best to not speak ill of her in his presence.

And before anyone comments something along the lines of ‘Oh, she was just trying to be nice!’ – no. There is a time and a place for comforting comments, and not only was this not that at all – who in their right mind would try to ‘comfort’ a grieving person, who is holding the hand of their dying mother, by saying ‘it’s all good, at least I’ll be here for you once she’s gone!’?!

(While on an overnight trip that discourages cell phone use, I get lonely and end up calling my girlfriend, even though it’s pretty late for a call. The conversation goes a long way in helping me feel better. Later we talk about the call.)

Girlfriend: “We’d actually just finished dinner when you called. I saw your number pop up on my phone and thought, ‘Oh crap, she’s dead.'”

Me: “How would I have called you if I was dead?”

Girlfriend: “I’m sure you would’ve found a way.”

A woman comes to my register, carrying a bottle of wine. She appears to be no older than 24 – probably younger. Of course I need to check her ID.

Me, taking the bottle: “Hello. May I see your ID, please?”

Her: “I didn’t bring my purse.”

Me: “I apologize, but we’re required to see an ID.”

Her: “But I can tell you my birthday.”

Me: “Yes, but anyone can say that any date is their birthday. I have to check an ID for proof, or I could get fired.”

Her: *frowning* “Okay.”

She walks away. Less than an hour later, an obviously older woman brings the exact same bottle of wine to my register, saying that it’s for her daughter. She laughs at me because I wouldn’t let her daughter buy the wine.

*One day when I was a junior in high school, I was in one of my classes and another teacher walked into the room. He was one of the teachers that everyone liked and we all said hi to him as he paused to talk to the current teacher. I’d waved and made another/extra comment as he was on his way out, but he’d ignored me (not on purpose, but just because of things). After school that day, I was in one of my clubs and he popped into the room.*

All of us: Hi [teacher]!

Teacher: *waves* Hi guys

Me: *teasing* Oh now you say hi to me!

Teacher: *laughs* Sorry. I’ll try harder next time *starts to walk out of the room and comes back and pokes his head around the corner, pointing at me* Oh and your dad did not liking being kicked in the head when you were a fetus! *disappears*

Me: *stunned silence*

*I was very confused because while I liked the teacher, not only were we not that close, but that’s something that wouldn’t have come up in our regular conversation even if I had known that story. There was some laughing and we finished up the club. After school, I get into the car with my mom*

Mom: So how was [club]?

Me: Mostly fine. [Teacher] stopped by. He made some comment about me being a fetus…*sees my mom’s expression* What did you do?!

*The night before had been a wrestling meet for one of my brother’s. As it was a home meet, [Teacher] was always the announcer. Somehow during the course of the night, the two of them had been talking and mom had told him this story: When she was pregnant with me, one day she’d been laying in bed on her side and my dad had come up and was laying near her stomach and talking to the baby. I apparently decided I didn’t want to listen to him because I just kicked out and caught my dad in the head.

Once I had the context, the situation was a lot funnier, but when he initially made that comment, boy was I confused!*

I come back from my break and am told to go to a different checkout to let the girl currently on there go do something else. While I’m standing there waiting, she says to me she’ll take one last customer, an old man with but three items: two packets of grapes and a packet of raspberries.
Apparently, he has a problem. We sell packets of some fruits for two for €5, and he wanted blueberries, but we were out of them. His contention is that he therefore shouldn’t have to pay full price for the single packet of raspberries. He goes on about how he has been a long-time customer, demands to see a supervisor and a manager, all of whom tell him he can’t have the price he demands. He complains that we shouldn’t be advertising the offer if we’re out of one of the items. Given that this is our flagship store, the busiest in the chain, and that normal people understand “while stocks last”, this has never been a concern.
The lady behind him gives him a few coins to make up for the difference in cost, but he just slaps it out of her hand, saying it’s nothing but insulting. He pays for his three items and walks off.
I sit myself down, serve the lady and after she remarks she doesn’t have any vouchers, I pull out my staff discount card. I had conveniently forgotten I had it during the old man’s transaction.