(It’s Thursday afternoon. I receive a text message reminding me of my appointment the next day at a spa I haven’t been to in over 4 years. Knowing it’s a mistake, I call them)

Me: “Hi, I received a text message reminder for an appointment tomorrow. I haven’t been there in over four years, and it isn’t mine.”

Receptionist #1: “What’s your name?”

Me: “At the time, it was [name].”

Receptionist #1: “Yup, I see we have you booked in tomorrow for a hot stone massage. We must have someone else with the same name. Thank you so much for letting us know!”

Me: “Thanks! No problem!”

(Next day, I receive a phone call…)

Receptionist #2: “Hi! We’re calling to remind you of your appointment this afternoon.”

Me: “I called yesterday about this when I received a text message. This isn’t my appointment.”

Receptionist #2: “Oh, hm..yes, I see there’s a note here that you called. We still haven’t gotten in contact with the other person. I’m so sorry about that!”

(I appreciate that she apologized, but why do you not look at the note before calling someone? Especially when that note is “don’t call this person!”)

I rent a small basement apartment while I attend school. The neighborhood where I live is very close to the college that I attend, so as a result, I have alot of students in my neighborhood. Though I live with a roomate I own 2 pet rats to keep me company.

On rare occasions we get the odd door to door salesman, On this particular evening while holding one of my rats, there is a knock on the door, So I place my rat inside my sweater pocket and go answer the door.

Me (in a perfectly pleasent voice) “Hello, how can I help you this evening?”

Salesperson: Hello, my name is <name> I represent the,<well known charity> I am not a salesperson, but I have been going door to door, asking if you have ever heard of <well known charity>?”

Me: Yes, I have heard of the charity, I have donated before” (hoping that this will end the conversation)

Salesperson: “Oh, good, so as you already know, we do alot for your area, (she then proceeds to go into a well rehearsed speel, basically asking for donations,)

“So, if you would like, I can place you on a program where you only have to pay 1$ a day, you can cancel it at any time”

Me:” Well, Let me think about it for a few days. I have your brochure…”

(Sales person, huffs and puffs for a couple of seconds, obvously not happy that I am declining)
Salesperson: “Well, honestly a lot of people, who say that they will donate, never actually donate. Or they just procrastinate.”

Me: “Ok, well I do understand that, but I am also a student, and really cannot afford any more bills at this time”

Salesperson: (in a tad offensive tone) “Oh… well as a student, you should still be able to afford only 1$ a day”

Me: (suddenly gets an idea) Well, actually, I am barely making ends meet. infact (pulling my rat from my pocket) See this rat?”

Salesperson: (staring at me) “what about him?”

Me: *holds the rat up to show the woman a very large wound on my rats stomach* “I have already spent over 100$ just last week, on this rat for vet bills, and I will be spending another 100$ this week for more medication, to try to get this cleared up.”

Salesperson’s face turns white, she blushes for a moment, and says “Well, I am sorry to bother you miss, I hope you have a great night.” and then leaves.

Friend: Your face is cute today.

Me: *pauses with a chip half way in my mouth for a good couple seconds before replying* What?

(For the last concert of my freshman year, I had to sit next to a kid who was known for being a slacker and not paying much attention in class. One day, when we were rehearsing a piece, he dazes off until he finally realizes what was going on. By then, the conductor stops the piece and notices his sudden snap in attention).

Conductor: “[Slacker]! Don’t daze off! We have a concert next week and this is one of the harder pieces!”

Slacker: “Oh… uh… okay.”

Conductor: “Good. (turns to me) [My name], you can whack him with your bow if you have to.”

Me: “Oh… okay.”

(A few days later, we were practicing another piece. My section had a difficult rhythm in the beginning of it, but were able to mostly learn it. As we started the piece, the slacker screws up this part and the conductor notices that he has about the same time I do. She stops the piece and is about to speak.)

Me: (Whacks [slacker] with bow)

Conductor: (at about the same time I whacked [slacker]) “[Slacker]!”

(There is a short silence as she recognizes what I just did)

Conductor: “You see? Thanks, [my name]!”

(The entire class (except the slacker) bursts into laughter as a result.)

IP Address:
2602:306:bc41:ea60:ad82:9746:1f86:a430

Sister: Ugh, do I have to do this in MLA format? I can’t use contractions if it’s MLA.

Me: You mean you *cannot* use contractions!