Our plane has landed and it’s that limbo period where they haven’t opened the doors yet. I’m in an aisle seat though, so I’m hoping to be able to grab my duffle bag that’s been stored in the overhead storage. I can reach it, but I’m worried with the weight and my angle, it will hit the woman sitting under it, who is holding a small baby.

Me: *To the girl standing in the aisle* Would you mind passing me that bag?

Girl: *Smiles but moves so I can see her arms are full* Sorry, I can’t.

Me: Oh, sorry!

Woman who I was trying not to hit with a bag: *with a curled upper lip* Why don’t you grab your stuff yourself?

This comment really catches me off guard because I wasn’t talking to her or asking anything from her.

Me:Excuse me for trying to not hit you with a bag!

(We are in a biology class with a professor. We are talking about sex and reproductive systems; it is after most of the class has left and the professor is going off on another tangent. It is probably important to note that everyone is over eighteen except for student #1, who is a minor.)

Student #1: “I don’t know what 2 girls, 1 Cup is.”

Student #2: “Good.”

Student #3: “Yeah, keep it that way-”

Student #1: “Yeah, I just know I’m not supposed to watch it. I’m not going to watch it.”

Student #2: “Good.”

Me: “Yeah… don’t watch it.”

Student #1: “Yeah, my friend told me not to watch it and after this I think I’m going to take his advice.”

Student #5, who had been listening up until this point: “Yeah, the other day someone told my [young pre-teen] about p*rn. I was horrified to realize she already knew about p*rn and I’d been too late [explaining about sex.]”

Rest of class: “….”

(I’ll spare you the rest.)

I used to work in a ballons shop in a mall. We had all kinds of ballons; from movie ones to special occasions ones. Once you inflated them, they had to be kept that way, meaning you have to refill them a little every day with helium (a very expensive thing in my country) so they stood up properly. Most ballons didnt need that, as they were sold the same day or the next day (after a week they started to lose helium, sometimes even longer, but once they started, it was unstoppable).

One of those ballons, a “happy birthday” one, was impossible to sell. Probably because it was in english and nobody understood what it said. That ugly plastic creature was almost mocking me every morning I arrived because it was still there, demanding to be fed. I hated it, but it didnt deflated enough every day for me to justify just throwing it away.

One day I got to work and my coworker was waiting for me to replace her. I quickly checked what we had (she was known for putting up new ballons that didnt sell and neglect those who were sold constantly) and I found out a horrible reality.

Me: Um, [coworker], why is there another one of those “happy birthday” ballons?

Coworker: Well, the first one didnt sell, so… *dumb giggles*

A year has passed from that incident. Those ballons disappeared a month after that when I wasnt working, so I don’t know if my boss threw them away or sold them. I don’t work there anymore and I have no clue to why did she thought it was a clever idea to inflate the second one.

I work at Papa Murphy’s and every Tuesday we have a $10 for any large pizza deal.

Customer: Yes. I want your Tuesday special.

Me: Alright, and what pizza can we get for you?

Customer: The special.

Me: Fortunately, all our pizzas are included in the special. Do you know which one you’d like?

Customer: You’re not listening to me. I need to talk to someone else.

Me: Well, we are quite busy right now. I’m the only person taking orders.

Customer: Well take mine!

Me: Yes. I am trying to. Can you tell me which pizza you would like today.

Customer: Fuck off!

The customer then hangs up the phone.

(The dealership I work at has two different unaffiliated car lines under one management team – I work for the smaller one more obscure one, which has notoriously poor support from corporate and because it’s not a very large manufacturer not many people know the cars well. While I currently work as a Service Advisor I did start my career as a mechanic – my manager loves it, as many of the old-school types of customers don’t expect to have a female advisor who can easily handle the technical questions they throw at me but end up being delighted. Word has gotten around, and now I sometimes get calls from random shops and car owners, not always even in the same state as us, to ask questions. Depressingly, some other calls with questions come from more.. Interesting sources. I am talking to my best friend at work – he works as a mechanic for the other make, and I’m explaining how different things are between the two.)

Me: It’s absolutely ridiculous. There’s one great guy in Technical for the electric cars, but everybody else has no idea what they’re doing. The shop line gets calls FROM Technical Support asking them how things work on the cars so they can answer other dealerships’ questions.

Him: NO.

Me: Seriously! Sometimes they get mixed up about who asked what, because they’ll call and be talking to [coworker] and ask him about a system or a symptom and he’ll have to tell them, ‘Uhm.. That’s my problem car. We submitted the ticket to you because YOU’re supposed to know how it works. You asking me how to fix the car I can’t figure out is not going to help anyone.’

Him: And I thought the [other make] Techline guys were bad.

Me: Sometimes they call me directly and ask me technical questions. I’m not even a certified mechanic for the brand. But CORPORATE is calling and asking ME. THEY built the car!

Him: Yeah, but you’re smart as h*ll. You should apply for a job at corporate! You’d be running the place in weeks!

Me: Sometimes I joke about doing that – it seems like people can be REALLY bad at their jobs there but never get fired, which sounds appealing. But.. I’d have to live in Detroit..

(HIs eyes get very, very big.)

Him: NEVER MIND. I know a few guys from Detroit.. They all got shot at least once by the time they were sixteen. I like you – I don’t want you to get shot. Guess they’ll just have to keep calling you instead!