(I work at a fast food restaurant where we have half price shakes throughout the summer after 8 pm. It’s mid October and the deal ended August 31. A customer comes in around 8:30 pm.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]! My name is [My Name]! What can I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like [about eight different shakes].”

Me: “Okay! What size would you like for those?”

Customer: “They’ll all be medium.”

Me: “Alright! Anything else tonight?”

Customer: “No that’s it.”

Me: “Okay! Your total is going to be [total]! Thank you for choosing [restaurant]! Well have it right out.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! Shakes are half price after eight o’clock.”

Me: “Oh. I’m sorry but that deal actually ended in August.”

Customer: “What?! I was here LAST NIGHT and my shakes were all half off. I want to speak to a manager RIGHT NOW!”

Me: *wants to bang head on the wall*

(The vacuum cord at our bookstore only reaches halfway across the floor so I have appropriated a giant bright green extension cord from the supply closet. The extension cord has gotten kicked around a bit and is sticking out from behind my desk area. I hear a noise and turn around to find a very, very small child trying to pick up the extension cord, which is about the same size as he is. I’m sure he won’t be able to actually move it but I’m slightly concerned he’ll get dirt all over his clothes so I turn to him and say:)

Me: *cheerfully* “I don’t think that extension cord looks very fun to play with, dude,”

(His mother turns around, stifles a laugh, and says:)

Mother: “He thinks it must belong to him because it’s the same color as his shirt.”

(He gave up and toddled off a few seconds later. Most adorable supply thief ever.)

(The store is having a huge clearance sale, an additional 30% off the lowest marked price, marked by a bright orange sticker. Because the store does not usually have an additional percentage off, 30% sales are a big deal and naturally the clearance corners can get quite messy. A coworker and myself are in the women’s area cleaning up a bit in the middle of a busy Sunday afternoon. I’m deep in the corner, behind a rack, and my coworker is near the main isle. A customer walks in past my coworker, closer to me but doesn’t see me.)

Customer: “Aw h*** no! This place is a mess; I don’t want to touch a thing!” *walks over to my coworker* “Excuse me miss… umm I have a question… well… umm… never mind.”

Coworker: “Are you sure I can’t help you? I can try and answer any question you might have or find someone who has the answer.”

Customer: “Well… umm… I was just wondering if I had to browse through the racks here.”

Coworker: “Well if you were looking for something in particular I might be able to track it down for you? What were you looking for?”

Customer: “Nothing in particular.”

Coworker: “…so you want me to shop for you?”

Me: *appears from behind rack after hearing the entire thing* “This rack here is everything we have under $5, under $10 is here, and everything else over there, with the additional 30% nothing is over $25. And if you will excuse us we are needed at the registers.”

(My coworker and I hurry out of there before she could come up with a counter argument.)

Coworker to Me: “Thank you so much! We really don’t have the time nor the people for one of us to do all of her shopping, especially when she doesn’t even know what she wants!”

(I own a sub shop and ask every customer how their day is, this one was exceptional, this customer is a regular and not at all friendly usually grumpy!)

Me: “How are you this evening?”

Customer: “Fat, thanks for asking.”

(Not a smile on his face he ordered his sub and left and I am still laughing.)

(A customer hands me a $20 bill.)

Customer: “Can I get ten on the pump?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(The customer goes looking through the cooler in front of the register looking for a drink. Before he can bring it up to the register.)

Me: “You know, the [soda] is ‘Buy 1 Get 1 Free’ for 20 oz. bottles.”

Customer: “Sure. Let me go see if my friend wants one. Can I get my ten back?”

Me: “Sure, let me get you your change.”

Customer: *gives me a confused look* “What?”

Me: “You paid for $10 with a twenty. Let me get you the ten I owe you.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you meant you were giving me it in quarters.”

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