(the apple bags are paper and commonly rip, so we offer to tie a plastic bag around it in case it rips.)
Me: Do you want the apples in a bag?
Customer: What? It’s in a bag (gestures to bag).
Me:I know but it could rip and you’re apples might fall out
Customer: That’s ridiculous! This bag is perfectly fine!
Me:Okay, have a nice day..
(customer picks up the bag, it rips, and all the apples fall on the ground)
Me: And that’s why we use bags
(A customer has called to complain that her checking account has been over-drafted by a recurring monthly electronic payment, the first, and is insisting that the bank fees be reimbursed. This customer was female, but it could be either gender making the call)
Me: I see that you purchased the contract online from our website and chose the electronic payment option.
Customer: Yes, but I didn’t authorize the payment!
Me: When you chose the payment option you were presented with the payment method, dates and amounts. By agreeing to the payment plan you did authorized the monthly payments.
Customer: I only authorized the first payment. I never agreed that you would take payments from my checking account! Now I’m over-drawn, the bank has charge me fees and you need to fix it! Why would you take money that I never agreed to!? I was going to pay you later. You had no right to take my money!
Me: Your checking account was debited because you provided that account number for the monthly recurring payments.
Customer: I told you that I didn’t authorize any payments!
Me: From the possible payment options you, yourself, specifically chose the auto pay plan, clearly showing withdrawal dates and amounts. You entered your account information in the fields that indicated that the account was for the payments, and you typed your name and date on a legal form that you agreed to the payments. Did you not understand at that time you were agreeing to have the payments withdrawn electronically?
Customer: I told you I never authorized anything! Why don’t you believe me!?
Me: At several points, up to the final sale, we provided you with the opportunity to choose a different payment option, After the purchase was complete we sent you a payment schedule and a copy of the signed form and sent a reminder to the email you’ve already verified a few days before the withdrawal date. Each of these documents clearly indicated the payments were to be submitted for payment to the account number you’d provided. This was not our error so I can’t authorize reimbursement of the bank fees.
Customer: Are you kidding me? You’re calling me a liar! I work at a call center, too, and you can’t talk to me that way! Cancel my services right now and send me my money back!
(I canceled the service and advised the customer of the refund amount for the unused portion of the contract, the entire time being berated for my awful service. I don’t know what she thought she was agreeing to as she completed all of the required steps to authorize the recurring payments, intentionally repetitive so the customer should be aware. Unfortunately, this same type of call happens all too often. And we don’t take an automated payment when the customer has chosen a billed option, that’s our fault, too!)
(I’m calling body shops for a quote on a very strange request. I’ve looked online and have found one with a very excellent rating and rave online reviews so I give it a call.)
Shop: “Thank you for calling <Body Shop>, how can I help you?”
Me: “Hi, I have an unusual, custom body job I’d like to see if I could get a quote on.”
Shop: “Sure, what is it you are looking to do?”
Me: “I’m curious how much it would be to remove a moonroof from my 3 series.”
Shop: “What?”
Me:”I want to get a quote on removing the moonroof out of my 3 series.”
Shop: “A moonroof? What is that?”
Me: A little more than astonished “You know, moonroof, some call it a sunroof. The window in the roof?”
Shop: “A what roof? A window in the roof? You want a window roof?”
Me:”This is <Body shop> right?”
Shop: “Yup!”
Me: “I’m going to hang up now…”
(Customer walks in, says something I can’t here and my boss – who was by the door – gives me an odd look as he walks up to the counter).
Me: Hello sir, what can I get you?
Customer: I need something for schizophrenia.
Me: Oh, okay….
(I really don’t know what to say at that point and he starts looking at the hand sanitizers on the stand by the till).
Customer: Is this really only £2.00?
Me: I’ll check.
(I run it through the till, it is indeed £2.00. He pays for it, puts it in his back and leans forward to read my name badge).
Customer: Thank you (name) it was nice to meet you.
Me: Nice to meet you too Sir. Have a nice day.
(He leaves and my boss walks over to me, where I am collapsed on the floor laughing.)
Boss: When he walked in he said “Welcome to British Airways!”
Me: Oh, well he asked me for something for schizophrenia.
Boss: Oh God.
Me: That’s two in a week. Where are they all coming from?
(I work in the dry cleaning industry for one of the biggest companies in Australia. I have been exposed to the industry since I was five through my mother and grandfather. A customer comes in today with a pile of tops all saying “Cold hand wash only. No machine wash. No dry-clean” I go to explain this to the customer…)
Customer: “No! That’s not right. I’ve been coming here for years and they always clean my things. Where’s the girl who is usually here?”
Me: “She left to focus on studies.”
Customer: “Shame. She at least knew what she was doing.”
