(There is a note waiting for me when I come in Monday morning. It claims someone had come in after hours Sunday evening and bought something, effectively messing with the credit card terminal and our cash registers. Please note: the credit card terminal closes itself out at 5am every morning, even if an employee forgets to. The cash registers are so old, everything is manual, including closing and opening. I’m a little confused by the wording of the note, so I call the assistant manager.)

Me: Hey, [Assistant], what happened last night? I got this note from [other employee]?

Asisstant: *sighing* Last night was inventory, yeah? [Other employee] and I were finishing up. Both registers were closed, the paperwork was done, everything was finished except the inventory. About seven o’clock this woman and her kids come up and start banging on the door, asking if we were open.

Me: It was Sunday, after six. Of course not.

Assistant: We left the lights on. Apparently she took that to mean we were still open.

Me: Don’t tell me you let her in.

Assistant: She screamed at us, saying she’d tell corporate that the customer is always right. You know the moment they do that they lie and get gift certificates thrown at them – and us in trouble.

Me: (something pings in my head) But…the registers were closed…aren’t we not supposed to let people in –

Assistant: Didn’t matter. She whined. We couldn’t finish inventory with her yammering.

Me: Which ruined inventory.

Assistant: Yep.

Me: Which means the poor bastard closing tonight gets to deal with this.

Assistant: It’s me. I’m closing. And I get to tell corporate of the wonderful woman with her bratty kids who came in an hour after close to buy crap, explain why closing paperwork makes no sense, and why we were there two hours after we should have been. So I’ll see you in a few hours?

(The assistant manager spent three hours that Monday evening trying to get paperwork to go through the computer, and didn’t get home until after midnight. The best part? Even our District Manager, who was ALL about making more money, even told us we shouldn’t have let that woman in – because the registers were closed!)

I’m working late one night when the phone rings.
Me: “(Business Name), how can I help you?
Him: “Yeah i was just wondering if you have televisions there.”
Me: “Yes sir, we do.”
Him: “So could you tell me if you have Direct TV channel (x)?”
(The channel he asked for was a high number, probably something specific to that provider, and we generally don’t play cable but instead use Arabic servers for soccer games and music videos.)
Me, without hesitation: “I’m sorry sir but we do not.”
Him: *mumbles something, almost as if he’s yawning while talking to me*
Me: “Sir?”
Him, suddenly rude: “Well how could you possibly know you don’t have that channel without checking?”
Me: “Because sir, we don’t have Direct Tv.”
(He hung up on me.)

(I work two jobs, both in retail. On this particular day, I work a double shift–going straight from one job to the next–with no break in between, making it a 12-hour day for me. I also worked double shifts for the previous two days, and I’ve been sleeping badly and not having time to eat enough. Needless to say, I’m exhausted, but I’m trying to make the best of it and be cheerful and friendly for my customers. At my first job, I have a lot of stocking to do but I keep getting called up to the registers because we’re very busy in spite of the thunderstorm going on outside. A regular comes through my line. I’ve seen her a lot. I ring her up, and then…)

Customer: You know, I just love it when you’re here. You’re always so kind.

Me: Oh! Thank you so much!

Customer: You’re just wonderful! You’re so good at this. I’m so glad you’re here.

Me: Well, it’s always good to see you, too! You’re always polite.

Customer: So are you! Thank you so much! And have a good day, okay?

Me: You too!

(Thank you, sweet customer, for being awesome. Your kindness meant more than you know. It was a lot easier to smile for the rest of the day!)

(Like many people, I take my phone with me into the bathroom. I’m also a customer in this situation in a public restroom with multiple stalls. I’m scrolling through my phone when I’m ready to leave and I hit the close button. The very recognizable “close sound” on all iPhones goes off. I then hear the lady in the next stall over kick the wall and shout at me.)

Customer: EXCUSE ME!!! DID YOU JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF ME?!?!?!

Me: Who, me?

Customer: Yes you!!! You just took a picture of me under the stall!!!

Me: Oh no no no, I just closed my phone. It makes a click sound.

(At this point, incredibly awkwardly, we flush and leave our stalls. She immediately approaches me.)

Customer: You’re going to delete that picture of me right now.

Me: I swear, I didn’t take a picture of you. It’s the click sound when the iPhone closes. See?

(I go to show her and she snatched my phone out of my hands)

Customer: I’m deleting your pictures.

Me: Um, give me my phone back. I can show you that I don’t have any pictures of you.

(While telling her this, she goes into my pictures, hits “select all,” and deletes all of my photos.)

Customer: There. Now I’m calling the cops.

Me: You just deleted all of my photos. What are you going to tell the cops? I swear, I didn’t take a picture of you.

Customer: I don’t need to prove anything. They can look at the security cameras and see you do it.

Me: *laughs*

Customer: Are you laughing at me? I’m calling the cops now!!!

(Of course, what type of phone does she have? The same iPhone that I have. She insisted that the cops show up. Security shows up and separates us. I tell them the story. The security guards go up to the cops and tell them what happened. The cops laugh, ask to check my phone, and tell me to leave. As I’m leaving, the lady starts yelling that they should check the security cameras because I’m guilty. It baffles me that she was seemingly totally ok with security cameras recording her pee but she called the cops on me for no reason.)

Please note that I am the only manager currently woeking, every one else has gone home for the night.

Customer: *approaches with sandwich in hand* does this look right to you?

Me: I’m not sure, did you order the roasted veggie egg?

Customer: Yes, but does this *gestures to sandwich now on the counter* look right to you?

Me: Well, honestly, it looks like you got double the egg, but yes,it appears to be made correctly.

Customer: But the bread is so small.

Me: Yes, it looks that way because of the extra egg.

Customer: No. This is wrong.

He walked off in a huff and was out the door before I could even offer him something else. However, he did complain to management and I got written up because “it was completely wrong.”