(I am in the eighth grade riding the Middle School Bus home from school. My stop is very close to the school, so I do not have much time to talk with the other students. One student in particular is teasing the girl who sits in the seat next to mine. )

Mean Student: You love him, don’t you!

Female Student: No I don’t!

Mean Student: Yes you do! You want to kiss him, don’t you!

Female Student: No! Stop talking to me!

(At this point, I decide to intervene. )

Me: (to the Mean Student) Listen, maybe you should lay off.

Mean Student: (taking notice of me) Oh, I see! You love her too, huh?

Me: No! She’s in sixth grade! I’m in eighth.

Mean: Student: Okay, how much do you like her on a scale of one to ten?

Me: (Realizing my bus stop is soon, I decide to delay the Mean Student.) Is one like or not like?

Mean Student: Uh… what?

Me: Is number ten “in love with”, or is it “not like at all”?

Mean Student: Um… I don’t know.

Me: What’s your scale?

Mean Student: Uh… I don’t know.

Me: Okay, I’ll make my own scale. Ten is “want to marry” and zero is “want to murder mercilessly”.

Mean Student: Okay then. What is she?

Me: (Makes a show of looking Female Student over) I would have to say… two.

Mean Student: Two?

Me: On my scale.

Mean Student: (To the back of the bus) HE CALLED HER A TWO!

Me: “…”

(It’s the middle of summer in northern california and we’ve been having a long, dry stretch. My parents have invited my friend over to play and my dad has been watching me run around the deck while we wait for my friend to arrive. He goes to answer the door when they arrive, chatting with the other parent for a moment. When he comes back to the deck with them his mouth falls open in shock. I’ve covered my myself and my white outfit with huge splotches of mud everywhere)

Dad: “Where did you find MUD in the middle of SUMMER?!”

(My friends and I in eighth grade were a tight group but many of us would cut or have suicidal thoughts. I was the main supporter of the group and if one of my friends was suicidal i would tell an adult. This saved two lives. One of my friends started cutting because a boy dumped her with a slip a paper that only said, “We’re over.” Me being me i yell at him because i don’t care if i barely know them they are my friends and nobody treats them like that.)

Ex Boyfriend of friend: what are you doing here?

Me: Did you seriously dump her with a freaking slip of paper.

Ex Boyfriend’s friend: dude you did what?

Ex boyfriend: yeah so what

Me you’re a jerk and watch your back because it just rained and the canals are full right now

Ex Boyfriend: you’re creepy and weird

Me: Compliments will get you nowhere

Ex boyfriend’s friend: hey i’ll help you out with the body

Ex boyfriend: What?!

Me: Be warned i have many friends who are willing do anything for me because i would do anything for them if you mess with them i will know and i will hunt you down *leaves*

(I have a full time job during the week, but work some per need evening shifts at a hospital as an x-ray tech. When an ultrasound study of blood vessels is needed, it has to be done by Non-Invasive Vascular Ultrasound, a department separate from us and not under our control. This happened one evening.)

(Phone rings, I see it’s from one of the floor units)

Me: “Hi, xray.

Nurse:”We just ordered a carotid doppler on room five, please call your tech in”

Me:”Oh, no, carotid doppler is done by NIVU, you have to call the house supervisor and they call them”.

Nurse:”Oh, OK”. Hangs up.

Phone rings later

Me:”HI, xray”

Nurse:”Look, we need this doppler done right away, just call your ultrasound tech and tell them to come do it”

I repeat what I said to them before, they hang up.

I called the US tech on call and double check with her. She confirms, they don’t do the study and it has to be done by NIVU.

The same floor calls again. I start to explain again, they interrupt…

Nurse;”LOOK, WE NEED THIS DOPPLER STUDY DONE SO JUST DO IT!!”

Since the truth hasn’t worked, and I feel like I’m being called a liar, I say this;

Me:”Look, our ultrasound doesn’t have the right software or transducers for a doppler study, the NIVU department does, THAT’S why you have to call them, so call the house supervisor, she has the number for the on-call NIVU tech”.

Nurse:”Oh, all right!”

They didn’t call back about it again. The house nursing supervisor came down later asking about the incident. She said she had talked to the people in that unit and had EXPLAINED to them who to call with doppler ultrasound studies in the future.

While working retail in college, I managed a department, and while I still cared enough, I wore the company shirt with a name tag. Even thus attired, and while dragging around pallets and stocking shelves, I was still frequently asked if I worked there. I had to dream up different responses:

Q: Excuse me, do you work here?
A: No, I work at Wal-Mart, and I’m here as an industrial spy.

Q: Excuse me, do you work here?
A: No, I just have nowhere else to go.

Q: Excuse me, do you work here?
A: No, but they keep paying me, so don’t tell anyone…

Q: Excuse me, do you work here?
A: No, the judge gave me this for my community service..