We operate a small 40 bed, countryside hotel that has enough space to hold 1 event at a time. This customer calls in to complain even though he wasn’t attending an event.

Customer: I can’t believe you allowed there to be 2 weddings on at the same time in your hotel, I won’t even stay with you again.
Rep: I’m looking at the diary sir and I can only see one wedding on when you stayed.
Customer: Don’t you lie to me, I saw 2 brides that day, for a time they were even stood together. I won’t ever stay with you again and i’ll be telling my friends that you don’t respect your customers.
Rep: Oh i’m sorry sir, but I can assure you we did only have the one wedding that day, it was in fact both the women who were getting married, it was a civil ceremony, plus, we physically only have one event room so could only handle one wedding at a time.
Customer: But there were two brides, you had two weddings!
Rep: Sir, they were marrying each other.
Customer: But there were 2 brides!

Apparently the thought of 2 women marrying each other was too much for this guy!

This happened recently during a super busy night. We have chicken burgers on our menu, and since day 1 they’ve been made with chicken ground in-house. The front of house manager comes to the me (chef) with a returned chicken burger:

Manager: “Hey… just to check, this is the regular chicken burger, right? Not our veggie chicken?”
Me: (taking one look at it) “Yup… that’s regular chicken, do I need to make a new veggie one?”
Manager: “No no… this customer just keeps saying it’s not chicken, I thought I was going crazy for a second”

He leaves and comes back 5 minutes later:
Manager: “So… that customer wants to talk to you, he’s not angry or anything, please come?”
Luckily he came in a small lull in service, so I went to speak to this customer.

Me: (hiding my annoyance) “Is everything alright?”
Customer: (waving the burger in my face) “This isn’t chicken”
Me: “Uh… yes… it is…”
Customer: “No it isn’t, chicken has fibres and everything, this isn’t chicken! What is this?!”
Me: “I assure you, sir, it’s chicken. We just pass it through a grinder and form it into patties…”
Customer: “No it isn’t! This isn’t chicken! I ordered the chicken burger because I had it last time and it was pieces of chicken together! This isn’t chicken, I don’t know what this is!”
Me: “Like I said sir… this is chicken, I don’t know where you had that before, but it certainly wasn’t here, as this is how we’ve done our chicken burgers since day one…”
Customer: “Stop lying! I’ve had it before here! WHERE’S THE CHICKEN?? WHAT IS THIS?!”
At this moment I couldn’t help but laugh and just walked away.

The manager was annoyed with me at first, but apparently the guy didn’t leave any complaints.

Ever since then the kitchen staff will periodically pick random food items up (usually vegetables) and scream: “WHERE’S THE CHICKEN?! WHAT IS THIS?!!”

In this story I’m a student who’s grabbing a few essentials and checking out.
Cashier: Hi, how are you today?
Me: I’m good thanks, just grabbing the essentials today. How are you?
*While chatting, I put my four items on the counter: milk, bread, chocolate and lollies. As I put up the chocolate..*
Cashier: Now THAT’S my kind of shop! Those are definitely essentials on my shopping list!
Me: *laughing* Oh I couldn’t agree more! You’ll have to grab some after work.
Cashier: I’ll have to now!

(The shop I work at has a very concise, yet specific, contract that every costumer has to sign. It’s only a paragraph or so, but we still get costumers who try to argue policy.)

Me: *answering phone* Thank you for calling [bridal shop], this is [me], how may I assist you?

Bride: Yeah, I ordered a dress there a few days ago, and I’m having second thoughts. Is there any way I can put a hold on the dress or get my deposit back.

Me: Our policy is not to issue any returns or exchanges, but if the dress hasn’t gone into production yet, there may be something I can ask a manager to do. Let me check.

(I check the bride’s profile and see that she ordered the dress almost 3 days ago and has a production number.)

Me: Ok, so I see here that your dress has already gone into production, so unfortunately your order can’t be cancelled.

Bride: But I don’t know if I want the dress anymore!

Me: Let me grab my manager –

Bride: Never mind. I’ll deal with this myself. *hangs up*

(Several hours later, the phone rings again)

Me: Thank you for calling [bridal salon], this is [me]. How may I assist you?

Mother: Yes, my name is [bride’s mother], my daughter called here not too long ago about her dress. She only ordered it on Sunday, but the girl she spoke to said the dress couldn’t be refunded or cancelled because it was already processed. I’m sure that’s wrong – there’s no way it could be started that quickly.

Me: Yes, ma’am. I pulled up your daughter’s account, and her order has already been processed. I have a production number for her gown, which means the dress will be completed.

Mother: How much could have been done to it? I mean she only ordered it 2 days ago!

Me: Our dresses go into production after 24 hours. We’re the manufacturer and production team, which is how we keep our prices down and get the dresses to you a bit quicker.

Mother: So you just have fabric ROTTING and DISCOLORING in a factory somewhere?

Me: I assure you we produce a quality product ma’am.

Mother: My daughter is having second thoughts about her dress, and I want that dress held and my money returned.

Me: That’s not possible, ma’am. The contract you signed stated that we do not issue returns or exchanges for any reason. The dress is already in production; it will arrive in the store. What we can do is credit you the deposit you put down towards another dress. But we cannot return your money.

Mother: THIS IS AWFUL CUSTOMER SERVICE! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!

Me: *fed up* The store’s email is [email]. Please send in writing your request to cancel the dress. Have a nice day *hangs up*

American sweets are a bit of a novelty in England, a few shops and stalls have appeared in my city and I decide to take a look.

Customer: excuse me?

Shop staff: yes?

Customer: do you source all your stock from America?

(Typical American sweets fill the shelves there are American flags in the store and the shop is called American candy)

Staff: … yes miss.

Customer: do you just do sweets?

Staff: well yes, we do have some drinks aswell.

Customer: well that’s no good I need some savoury items.

Staff: well I’m sorry miss but as you can see…

Customer: (interrupting) I need some turkey, the barbecue one. Do you know the one I mean?

Staff: well no I only work the tills.

Customer: when can you have some in for me?

Staff: as I said I don’t actually decide what the shop sells.you would have to speak to the owner.

Customer: (clearly not listening) ok great, speak with him won’t you?! I will be in next week to pick it up.

Staff: but miss thats not how it works…

Customer: thank you (leaves).