I was just doing a quick shop and had managed to be in the right place at the right time and got a lot of reduced priced chicken from the deli counter. I carried happily on my way.

Customer: (coming up to me whilst I was browsing). ‘Did you just take a chicken from my trolley?’

Me: ‘Sorry?’

Customer: ‘Did you just take a chicken from my trolley? I had three in there and now there are only two!’

Me: ‘I got mine from the counter. Did you just accuse me of stealing from your trolley?’

Customer: ‘I had two chickens!’

I walked away.

I happened to walk past her a couple of minutes later and she grabbed my trolley and shouted at me that she wasn’t accusing me of stealing. I gave her a ‘whatever’ look and then got to the next aisle and laughed.

(The business in question is a former workplace of mine, and as such I know the staff pretty well, and get on with them. I’m a witnessing customer in this story.
It’s summertime, so very warm outside. As I’m browsing the game selection a boy, who can’t be much older than his early teens, walks in without wearing a shirt and starts looking at one of the console displays. The shop manager notices this and approaches the boy.)

Manager: I’m afraid you can’t be in here without a shirt as it’s not hygienic, you’ll either need to put one on, or leave.

Boy: That’s gay.

Manager: I’m sorry to hear that.

(Having been reprimanded by the unimpressed manager, the boy quickly left the shop. Being gay, I would’ve reprimanded the boy myself for his casual homophobia, had he not left so quickly.)

Customer: I’ll have a tall latte, please.

Coworker #1: That’ll be (price), we’ll call it out when it’s ready.

(1 minute later, Coworker #2 places a tall latte on the bench in front of the customer).

Coworker #2: That’s a tall latte, ma’am.

(A few minutes later, she’s still standing there)

Customer: Is this my coffee?

Coworker #2: Yes, that’s yours.

(She continues to stand there. Several minutes later, she moves over to the register.)

Customer: Is my order coming? I ordered a tall latte like six minutes ago.

Me: I don’t have a tall latte on the screen here…

Coworker #2: That’s because it’s already been made. Ma’am, your coffee is here.

(The customer walks over to the delivery bench, and stays there, not taking her coffee. I walk around and lift it up, and hold it out to her.)

Me: This is your tall latte.

(She takes it, frowning, and finally leaves)

(This was a few years ago when I worked at this particular movie theatre. For fun, and to pass the time and amuse my coworkers, I would sometimes use fake accents ranging from American Southern to Australian. On this day I was using an Australian accent when a customer comes up to the concessions counter where I’m working)

Me: (with Australian accent) Hello! What can I get for you today?

Customer: (with ACTUAL English accent) Just a large popcorn and a large drink please.

(At this point I’m trying not to panic because I don’t know if he can tell if I’m faking or not)

Me: A Large combo. Would you like butter on your popcorn?

Customer: Yes please. (pause) You must be an Aussie.

Me: (now trying not to laugh) Yes I am.

Customer’s Wife: (American) Oh that’s cool! Do you get mistaken for British sometimes?

Me: Every once in a while, yeah.

Coworker: Yeah, sometimes we call him Wally!

Customer: Yeah, Americans can’t really tell the difference between English and Australian accents. Aussies are more nasally I find.

Me: Well your not wrong there. Here’s your popcorn and drink and enjoy your film.

(The customer and his wife walk off)

Me: I’ll be in the break room for a little bit.

Coworker: (laughing) That’s fine.

(I then spend five or so minutes laughing my ass off in the break room because I successfully fooled an Englishman into believing I was Australian)

I’m waiting in line at a fast service burger place when I witness the kind of stupidity I always had to endure in retail.

Poor kid at register: is that everything?”
Lady: “don’t I get a free shake?” (Rude tone)
Kid: “do you have a coupon?”
Lady: “well no! I got the email!”
Kid: “do you have the email?”
Lady: “no, I deleted it!” Angrily points at a placard advertising their in house rewards that says ‘free shake on your birthday’. “See?!”
Kid: “when’s your birthday?”
Lady: “two weeks ago!”
Kid: “I’m sorry ma’am, you have to be enrolled prior to your birthday and bring in the email.”
Lady: “well that’s ridiculous!”

She demands to see the manager, like they always do, who tells her the same thing. I was very pleased when she didn’t get a shake.