A man comes into the store with his two children, a girl of about five and a boy around two. As he’s paying for their candy, the boy comes around the register so that he can see me (since he can’t see over the counter).
Boy: “I stinky!”
He pronounces it “sting”-y, but I can smell his diaper from where I’m standing, so it’s not hard to figure out what he means.
Me: *laughing* “You’re stinky?”
Boy: *proudly* “I pooing!”
(In this story I am the customer picking up dinner at a take-and-bake pizza shop after working at Walmart for my family. I enter the store to see a customer at the only register of the location talking on the phone)
Customer: (To cashier) I want a large 5-meat, a pepperoni, and a supreme.
(She resumes talking on the phone)
Cashier: Just to let you know you ta–
(The customer, pulling her phone away from her ear, snaps back to the cashier)
Customer: I don’t want to hear any fucking lip, just make the damn pizzas and take my card already!
(The cashier passes the notes down to the ones in the pizza making line as she backs off and head to a bench that’s in the store. I hold up a finger as I, after watching the first customer, forgotten what my family wanted and needed to look in my texts. Once I see the order, I head back up to the counter.)
Cashier: Ready to or–
(Sadly, at this moment the other customer suddenly raises her voice, thankfully off the phone now)
Customer: Aren’t you going to fucking cook this you lazy assholes?!
Pizza Maker: Ma’am, you take this home and cook it yourself, that’s how it works. We’ve already told you that twice this month.
Customer: No, you are fucking supposed to cook this, you are just wanting to be lazy and not do your jo-
(At this moment, I’ve had enough of the rude customer and clear my throat before approaching her)
Me: Excuse me, Miss.
Customer: What do you WANT, you’re can’t do fucking anything! This isn’t fucking Walmart, if I wanted to take pizza home and fucking cook it myself I would buy it from there!
Me: Well, first of all, at least I’m not a rude and inconsiderate asshole who is only making a show out of myself.
Customer: Excuse me!?
Me: First of all, being on the phone while conducting business of any kind is inconsiderate to the one you are doing business with. Second of all, if you would take a look at the sign of the place or even look at the logos and slogans that are scattered here, or even pay attention to the ADs on TV…
(At this point the customer tried to interrupt me, but I decide to talk over her and not let her say what she wanted.)
Me: …you would know that this isn’t like most place. Here, you get your pizzas, which is a LOT fresher than the frozen ones at where I work, and…
Customer: Have them fucking cook it cause this an actual pizza store, not a Walmart! I know how it fucking works, dumbass!
Me: No…(I pick up one of the direction sheets they put on the pizzas while wrapping it up in plastic wrap, pointing to the logo)…read this.
Customer: Papa Murphy’s Pizza, what does that tell me. That’s the name of the place, big fu…
(I then point to the second half of the logo, cutting her off.)
Me: …And this part?
Customer: Take and ba–oh…
(At this point, she rushes out of the store more than a few shades of red without another word and drove off, leaving her pizzas on the counter.)
Pizza Maker: Wow! I’ve never seen her like that and she comes in AT LEAST three times a months to pull that stunt. (He then turns to the cashier) Take off 50% of his total, I’ll sign it and submit it myself
Me: No, no. I don’t want you to do that, I really don’t want to get anybo–
Pizza Maker: No, don’t worry about it, I’m the manager at this store. Covering in for a sick employee.
Me: Well…okay
(At this point, I order my pizzas and thank them for this discount, only have it dismissed and them thank me in turn. However, at this moment, the other customer comes back in, brakes squealing as she park, but I cut her a look and she quietly goes in, getting her pizzas and finally apologizes–even if wasn’t an honest one.)
I work at a national retail outlet that sells international goods as well as beer & wine.
Customer: “Do you have [wine marketed as low calorie]?”
Me: “Let me go check our back-stock.” I proceed to look up the wine and find out it only has about 10 calories less, per glass, than the average wine.
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t have [brand marketed as low calorie] but we have this brand which is only 10-15 calories more per glass.”
Customer: “I’ll take two!”
(I work in a very busy call centre for one of the UK’s top energy distributers/breakdown insurance providers with over 50 different departments)
Me: Good afternoon your through to [Company / Department] how can I assist you?
Customer: I’m cancelling my internet can you still take my Direct debits?
Me: I’m sorry this is [Department A] all billing queries are to go to [Department B]
Customer: No it isn’t a billing query its about my service
Me: Okay sir if you let me get your details I’ll bring them up now, can you confirm [details]
(Customer fully confirms the security details and does indeed have a service agreement)
Me: So how can I help with the service is it a breakdown or fault?
Customer: No I said I’m cancelling my internet will you be taking the direct debits?
Me: Sir we don’t provide internet perhaps you should speak to your telecom provider or if you want to speak to direct debits your bank.
Customer: But I want to keep paying for the service you provide but don’t want my internet so I cancelled can you [Company] still take my payments?
Me: Oh I do apologise sir, I was a little confused. All your direct debits for us come from your bank, so cancelling your home internet will not affect your direct debits to any company as it is the bank that process these.
Customer: No, I pay for the agreement not the bank so it would be myinternet wouldn’t it?
Me: Sir looking atyour details I reccomend you take this up with your bank [Name of Bank]
Customer: Well you’re just useless, I wonder why I am paying for this terrible service I want to cancel.
Me: I do apologise you feel that way, if you just hold the line I haveto put you through to [Department C]
Customer: I am not holding this is ridiculous I want a manager.
Me: Sir I will have to place you on hold while I locate…
*customer hangs up*
(We offer discounted specialty hot beverages on a certain weekday. All of those beverages have milk, and we MUST ask whether the customer would like 2% milk or skim milk in their drink. A grumpy old man comes up to order.)
Me: “Hi-”
customer: “All your drinks are a dollar?”
Me: “Just the ones on the board over there” *points to board which clearly says SMALL sized special beverages*
customer: “Give me a large.”
Me: “Sorry, you can only have a small for the one dollar drinks.”
customer (angrily): “OKAY! then give me a SMALL!”
Me (monotone): “….which beverage?”
customer: I DONT KNOW.. WHATEVER! A HOT CHOCOLATE!
Me (since my manager is watching) : “with regular milk or skim?”
customer: “what?”
me: *repeats*
customer: “I DON’T WANT MILK. I WANT A HOT. CHOCOLATE.”
Me: “There is milk in your hot chocolate.”
customer: ” I DONT F***KING WANT MILK. ARE YOU DEAF? I WANT HOT CHOCOLATE, NOT MILK.”
Me: ………… *glares, sighs, and punches in regular milk* “$1.05.”
