Our store recently received a massive upgrade and as such, the whole store was completely renovated. One day during the renovations, the self service checkouts were closed down and fenced off while new machines were being installed. Even though extra staff are on the express lane and large checkouts, the lines are still long.
Me: Hi, how are you today?
Customer 1: Not happy!
Me: I’m sorry to hear that, is there anything I can help you with?
Customer 1: I shouldn’t have to stand in line for this long! It’s stupid to close off those machines. Why you people think it’s appropriate to waste my time is beyond me! Pathetic! I’m in a rush and I’ll probably be late now!
Customer 2: Look lady, it’s not his fault if you are crap at time management. Here’s an idea, set you alarm for half an hour earlier if you don’t want to be late.
Customer 1 then went silent and didn’t say another word. I really love it when good customers stick up for us against bratty and entitled rude customers.

I support a software product for small businesses. A client emails me with the following question:

Client: It gives me an error message saying “Unable to connect to the server”.
Does this mean that the application was unable to connect to the server?

(So, I work in a store in Iceland and Iceland is a place where we farm and sell cod liver oil. Cod liver oil has a ton of vitamins and many of them the residents don’t get as much of from nature as in other places. None of this matters too much so basically here’s the deal: TL;DR we sell cod liver oil. that’s all you need to know.)

(Work is slow so I step away from the register to check for items that don’t get put away in the right place. On my run I spot a customer looking rather conflicted at the cod liver oil so I decide to walk up to him.)

Me: Can I help you?

Customer: No I’ve made a decision.

(He then shoves down every single bottle into a basket he has in his arm. Then he casually starts walking towards the registers. Since I’m the closest of the staff I rush to re-open my register and check out his items.)

Me:*A little stranged out by the process of him emptying our store’s supplies of Cod liver oil* “Is that all, sir?”

Customer: “No, actually… Could you tell me if [company that makes CLO] ships to England? Preferrably in barrels.”

Me: “What?”

(After a little pause I gather my thoughts)

Me: “You want barrels of this stuff shipped to England?”

Customer: *As straight faced as they come* “Yes.”

Me: “I don’t even know how to contact them! I mean, you could probably find their number on the internet and try to ask them but it’s really not in my place to say go or no go..”

Customer: “Ah okay! Thanks!”

(Customer pays for the CLO and walks out. I’m still staring at the door waiting for someone to come back in saying “It was all a prank here’s you 10k$” when the next customer walked up.)

While we are an office you’d only visit if you have an appointment, we often have walk-ins who mistake us for our visitor-office. Sometimes people are lost and ask for a route, which we often help with.

A man walks into our office.

Man: Is this [straatname] number 4?

Me: No, this is [streetname] number 9.

Man: Oh…. *doesn’t move* Are you sure?

Me: Let me look up where you have to be. Ah, I see it’s the blue building across the street. All you have to do is cross the street and head left. It’s the big blue building.

Man: Oh… but what kind of company are you then?

Me: This is an office for social housing.

Man: Isn’t there where I need to be?

Me: Well, you said you had an appointment at number 4, which is across the street.

Man: But what are you doing here then?

Me: *I again explain what our company does, even mentioning this is not a vistor-office and all he needs to do is cross the street. The man still doesn’t move.*

Man: But I really hoped it was here.

Me: But you are very close! It’s about 100 meters?

Man: Yeah, but I figured I wouldn’t come by car but take the train and then I couldn’t find the tram platform and now I’m here.

Me: I can understand you’ve been through a lot. I’m sure they can help you in that blue building across the street.

Man: Oh… okay…

Finally the man left. I hope he found that huge blue building….

(I sell bets on horses at a local racetrack. The horses have some pretty interesting names… I am serving a sweet, innocent looking, little old lady, no younger than her mid eighties when she points out one very interesting name.)

Woman: Let’s see, there’s horse “[Name One]”, horse “[Name Two]”, and this one named “Big Rooster.”

(At this point she squints at the name, laughs, and smiles at me.)

Woman: I bet it means “Big Cock!”