I work at a massage studio, where all we do is give massages. No facials, no pedicures, nothing else besides massages. None the less, on a weekly basis, this happens.

*Phone rings*

Me: [Name of studio] this is [me], how can I help you today?
Caller: Hi, I am wondering if [name I’ve never heard of] is available today?
Me: I’m sorry, who?
Caller: [Name], is she available for laser removal today?? I have this spot on my lower –
Me: *interrupts him* I’m sorry sir, I think you have the wrong number. This is [name of studio].
Caller: Where?
Me: *repeats name of studio*
Caller: Oh… so, y’all don’t do laser hair removal?
Me: No, sir, we do not..
Caller: Oh..
Me: Okay, have a good rest of your day. *hangs up*

I work at a Japanese restaurant.

Last weekend, a patron ask me in all seriousness what part of a cow PORK BELLY is from.

I calmly stated that pork belly is from the belly of a pig (not a cow) and is usually used for bacon in the United States but used in many Asian cultures as well for an alternative for beef or chicken. The customer still didn’t understand so I had to repeat myself several times that pork is from a pig and beef is from a cow.

We all had a good laugh in the kitchen once I repeated the story. The kitchen is also very pleased that I know my pork from beef cuts.

I work at an indoor public market, and I’m usually the only one at my stall. Often, I stand out front and smile at passers-by, but this particular day it was near the end of my shift so I was a bit lost in thought when an older man approached me (I’m a woman in my early twenties).
Man: Smile.
Me: …pardon?
Man: You should smile. You look too serious.
Me: I’m just minding my stall, sir.
Man: Yes, but you should smile!
Me: *stunned silence*
Man: Look, I didn’t mean it in a harsh way! I just think you should smile!
Me: Um…excuse me; I have to go check on something.
I ducked into the back and thankfully he hasn’t come back since.

Me: Hi, what kind of wash would you like today?

Customer:The $12 one.

*stares at me blankly as I await payment*

Customer: Well??? How much does it cost?

Me: $12 sir

Customer: (finally realizing their blunder) oh, well you don’t say?

This happens on a regular basis. We are in the middle of the state, our clientele is locals, and there is no tax on car washes. So the $12 wash would cost exactly $12.

note that the car wash entrance is blocked from my view

I’ve just finished counting my drawer and I take my first customer

me: hello what can I get for you

customer: I’d like $20 on pump 5 and a car wash

I ring him up and continue to take customers he comes back in and cuts in line and starts yelling

customer: you ***** the car was isn’t even open your useless I want my money back!!

me: I’m very sorry sir I just started my shift and no one let me know it wasn’t working

customer: I don’t give a **** I want my money how ******* stupid can you be!?!?!

me: I’d be happy to give you your money back and you can keep the carwash code for the inconvenience

I start to go through the process of getting his money back

customer: that’s not enough I want my car washed now you little ***** what’s your name I’m ******* reporting you and I’m calling the police

me: sir I’ve been more than nice and apologetic I’m getting your money right now

customer: are you deaf I want my car washed NOW!

he starts coming closed and is trying to get over the counter

me: okay sir I’m going to have to ask you to leave

customer: I’m going to get you fired and put in jail you stupid *****

I pick up the phone to call the police when he sees this he runs to his car and takes off her actually called courprate but everything was record so I didn’t get in trouble