(The phone rings. I answer it.)

Me: “[Business Name], this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Is this [Totally Different, Unrelated Business Name]?”

Me: *inner facepalm* No…this is [repeats Business Name].

Caller: Oh! Good thing I asked then! *idiotic laugh*

Me: Yeah…*they hang up* Good thing you asked?! How about just paying attention in the first place?!

(I work in an office which rents and sells disability equipment to people who need them. Think wheelchairs, crutches, hospital beds, etc. The coworker in this story is a rugby type with the voice of a sailor in a bad storm. But he’s well-liked by everyone and can get away with almost anything. He’s on the phone, so I only hear his side of the story.)

Coworker: “Goodmorning, *******, this is *coworker* speaking.
…..
Coworker: “You can’t get it up?”
…..
Coworker: “Most of the time you can’t get it up, but when it finally does, it feels wonky?”
…..
At this point I completely lost it and had to leave the office, tera streaming down my face, my stomach hurting from all the laughing.
I swear he does it on purppose…

(I work at a team that is involved with a lot of topics within our company, either with making policies or with writing reports about it. Therefore some other coworkers think our team knows everything and come to ask us questions about anything slightly related to those topics. One of those topics is the internal digital ‘library’ which contains a lot of forms, policies, guidelines. Our team is involved in the general policy what and how things should be in that library.)

Coworker #1: *from another team* “Is [Coworker #2] working today, I have a question about the library?”

Coworker #3 & Me: “No, she is not here today, she will be here again on Monday. But maybe we can help.”

(We know some advice for common issues, although it is not our subject.)

Coworker #1: “The article on [internal news site] about [subject] has a link to the library that doesn’t work.”

Me: “That is not really something [Coworker #2] does. You need either the communications team to edit the article or you need the IT team if link is right but doesn’t work. [Coworker #2] is not involved with the technical side of the library.”

(Those teams are both in the same building as we are, so nothing complicated.)

Coworker #1: “I think I will come back for [Coworker #2] on Monday.”

(I heard from my coworkers that [Coworker #1] indeed came back on Monday, only to get from [Coworker #2] the same advice I gave. So [Coworker #1]’s issue could have been solved a few days earlier if she had just followed our advice.)

(I work for a startup so sometimes we have money in the bank. Other times we do. Therefore, we rely heavily on clients and those clients paying us to make ends meet. Something that my two coworkers have a hard time grasping as one, Coworker #1, does not value his time all that much and is always working for free, and the other, Coworker #2, thinks he is more valuable than he is and is constantly fudging what he is working on. This is a real conversation that takes place when our supervisor is trying to convince my knuckleheaded coworkers to report their hours properly.)

Supervisor: We need more billable hours to [Client].

Coworker #2: Well, if that is the case, I have a bunch of billable hours for running the code.

(Aside: Some of these calculations can take hours, if not days to run.)

Supervisor: If it is just waiting for it to run, we can’t bill them for that.

Coworker #2: It isn’t like I can do anything else while it runs!

Me: You could work on [item #1 that doesn’t require software], [item #2], or [item #3].

Coworker #2: But I can’t do anything else!

Coworker #1: If you aren’t doing anything on your computer, it doesn’t count as billable hours.

Coworker #2: Yeah, well I mean I don’t consider if I am sleeping and it is running billable hours…

Coworker #1: But if you aren’t doing anything code related while you wait, they aren’t billable hours.

Supervisor: *obviously in shock* Do you understand why we are telling you this?

Coworker #1: Yeah I get it. If it is time that I would normally be doing something while I wait, I count it. If I am not awake than it is not billable. *scoffs*

Obviously.

Coworker #2: …

Supervisor: …

(Coworker #1 eventually leaves to go home, while announcing he is waiting for code to run.)

Supervisor: *after he leaves* Well that made a lot of things clear for me.

Me: You know he is counting in drive time because the software is running, right?

(We set up an old laptop and ordered him a computer to solely run calculations on the next day. Not surprisingly, he thought he could double bill hours…)

I’m a 32 year old woman and a little overweight but not obeese by any means. Over the weekend I lost my wallet and have to replace everything. I have a doctors appointment the next morning so I go to a government office that houses 2 departments one for medical care, the other social security payments. As the self service is down for both departments the line to check in out the door and 98% of the chairs in the waiting area are taken. I have to squeeze past a lady in her 50’s to get to a vacant chair.

Lady: *huffs loudly as I squeeze past.*

I take a book out and start reading, while listening to music on my phone through one earbud.

Lady: how long does it take to make a claim?

I don’t realise she’s talking to me

Lady: hey I asked you a question. (Grabs my arm)

Me (removing my headphones): I’m sorry, what did you ask?

Lady huffs loudly: god listen when people talk to you. I asked how long it takes to make a claim.

I’m confused as it’s clear I don’t work there and I have no idea what department she’s talking about.

Me: I’m sorry, I have no idea. I’m just here to get a replacement Medicare card.

Lady: but your fat and obviously don’t work, so you’d be here all the time. Surely you have an idea.

Me in shock: ma’am, I do work, I’m currently on annual leave and I’m here because I need to get my card replaced for my first doctors appointment in well over a year. I suggest actually asking someone who works here. (I put my headphones back in both ears this time and go back to my book.)

Lady loud enough to hear over my music: how rude. You have no right to talk to me like that, you fat little b****. You have no idea who I am. I’m the owner of (local upmarket store). I deserve respect.

I continue to ignore her but notice security approach. Another customer sitting on the other side of me pipes up before the guard gets to us.

Customer: no, you don’t. You’ve been very rude and physically assaulted this young woman. You’ve been waiting 10 minutes, I’ve been waiting for nearly an hour. Shut up and be patient like everyone else.

Everyone else waiting and the guard starts laughing. The lady notices the security guard.

Lady: you! You need to deal with this b****. She’s been extremely rude and disrespectful.

Guard: ma’am. May i have your name please.

Lady gives us a smug look: its (name) finally someone that actually shows some respect.

Guard: thank you. Now, you actually assaulted this women and have been verbally abusive. You need to leave unless this young lady would like to press charges.

Lady: what? You (racist slur). You have no idea who I am.

Another guard comes over: police are on the way.

Lady gets up runs out of the building screaming that the guards are all (racist slurs) and I’m nothing but a fat b****. I’m shown to a office to talk with the police where I decline pressing charges and I finally get what I need for the doctors.

When I finished I go to (local upmarket store). I walk in to find the lady behind the counter.

Lady: oh my god. Your following me. Get out of my shop. You s***.

Me: so your the ower are you?

Lady: yes. Now get out before I call the police. Nothing would even fit you here you fat s***.

At this point my mum comes from the back of the shop.

Mum: (lady) what’s going on here?

Lady,: this piece of sh** is the one who disrespecting me earlier. Now she’s followed me here. She needs to leave.

Mum: (my name) what happened?
I tell her exactly what happened and that the cops will probably be wanting to speak with her. All the while she’s screaming that I am disrespectfull and a stalker.

Me: I thought you owned this shop. That’s funny because (my mums name) is co-owner. And I’m (my name) the silent partner. Now get out of my store. Your fired.

She had recently been hired at the store I co-own with my mum. My mum managers the store while I manage my father in-laws business. When she realised who I am and what was happening she proceeded to thow and destroy stock. Before either me or mum can call the police, 2 officers turn up to investigate the previous incident.

In the end she’s charged with assault and criminal damage.