(A customer comes into the cafe asking for 2 of a certain type of drink and then asks if we still do it. I explain we don’t but suggest an alternative and we have a bit of a back-and-forth about it but he’s been polite enough the whole time)

Customer: “OK and that drink is made with crushed ice?”

Me: “All our blended drinks are made with ice, yes.”

Customer: “OK, fine I’ll have that then.”

Me: “Sorry, was that 2 you said you wanted?”

Customer: “You know what? F*** YOU! YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER LITTLE SL*G!”

(The customer then proceeds to storm out as I stare wide-eyed at the next customer and stammer out a “sorry”)

I’m at a park with my 8-year old daughter. There is a pond that has several cattails. We’re feeding some ducks when a man squeals in delight.)

Man: “YES!”

(The man excitedly runs over to the cattails at the edge of the pond.)

Man: “They finally made CORN DOG PLANTS!” *runs over to me* “Hey lady! Look! They finally made CORN DOG PLANTS! Isn’t that amazing!?”

Me: “Um, I don’t mean to disappoint you, sir, but those  are cattails. They have nothing to do with corn dogs.”

(Hearing this, the man becomes crestfallen.)

Man: *deflated* “Oh…”

(At the restaurant I work at, we have seasonal promotions. This time, we were asking customers to donate $1 for a veterans help fund, and they would get $10 in free coupons and a star on the wall with their name on it. One day, 3 male customers come in.)

Me: Hello, welcome to ***! What can i get for you today?

(As I’m taking their order, i notice one of the customers eyeing one of the sheets of coupons, and i see my chance.)

Me: Excuse me, sir, would you like to donate a dollar to *charity name*, and get a free sheet of these nifty coupons?

Customer 1: Yes, i would!

(We proceed through the transaction of adding the dollar to the total, and i hand him one of the stars and a pen.)

Me: Alrighty, that will be *total*, and if you could write your name on this star right here, we will put it up on the wall and you’ll get your coupon.

(The customer hands me the money and I am about to give him his change when I notice he and his friends staring at the pen and star in a concentrated manner.)

Me: Umm…sir? Is everything alright?

Customer 1: Yes, umm…(he hands me the pen) It doesn’t seem to be writing…

Me: Oh, I’m sorry! Here, I’ll just check it on another paper…(I take off the cao of the pen, and immediately the three customers burst out laughing. At this point I’m very confused.)

Customer 2: No wonder! We didn’t take the cap off!

Customer 1: (Looks at me) I’m sorry, we were just trying to click the back or twist the barrel, but none of us realized it was a pen with a cap!

(I burst out laughing, and soon enough they have their name on the wall and I bring their food to them. They were a rather fun group, and bantered with me quite a bit until they left.)

(A female customer walks in rapidly texting on her phone)

Me: “Hey welcome to [Sandwich Shop] what could I do for you?”

Customer: *Doesn’t respond and continues texting*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh my god what do you want!”

Me: “I would like to know if I may help you, you walked into the store and you haven’t placed an order yet”

Customer: “Well sorry, I have a life and friends to text.”

(Another customer walks in and gets in line)

Customer: *Runs back into line* “Hey you can’t cut in line”

Me: “Ma’am you weren’t in line.”

Customer 2: *Sighs and exits the store to try to avoid the drama I guess”

Customer: “Finally!” *Goes back to where she was to sit down*

Employee: “Ma’am, leave.”

Customer: *Confused* “Why?”

Me: “Ma’am you caused a customer to leave and are not even buying anything or placing an order”

Customer: “I?, how did I make him leave?!”

Customer: *Throws phone to ground in anger and then let’s out a loud shreik as she sees her broken phone on the floor* “Oh.My.God I’m calling the f*cking cops for f*cking breaking my f*cking phone you f*cker!”

Employee: “Oh good we already called them for you!”

(The customer then got on the ground and starting throwing the biggest tantrum I think I’ve ever seen and she had to be dragged out by the police)

I am an Associate at a  large retail store where we wear blue and khaki. I have a large “L” cart with freight on it that I am trying to shelve. The bottom shelf in the pantry section is so messed up that I have to take everything off and reset it before I can stock it. So there I am, in my blue and khaki, on my knees cleaning a shelf, with a large cart of freight next to me.
Little old lady: Excuse me, do you work here?
Me:(not even thinking) Nope! I just like crawling around on the floor!……..I am so sorry, how can I help you?