ME: University Library.

[Silence.]

ME: Hello?

[Silence.]

STRANGE VOICE: Um, yes, hello?

ME: Yes? Can I help you?

VOICE: I don’t know. Did you call me?

ME: Um, no, no, I didn’t.

[Silence.]

[Click.]

me: that will be 15,99 please,
customer: what about my discount?
me: 15,99 is the discount price, the normal price is 19 euros.
customer: not its not! it says on the price tag that it is 15,99! i want my discount!
me: that is the discount price sir, we replace the normal price with the discount price when there is a sale.
customer: so what? give me the discount!!
me: sorry, i cant
customer: then let me speak to your manager!
me:sure * gets the manager*
manager: whats the problem?
customer: this guy doesnt give me my discount! i want my discount!
manager: but sir, this is the discount price, we cant put a discount on a discount
customer: then if i dont get my discount, i wont buy it!
manager: okay sir, have a nice day.
customer: i will never come here again! *walks off*
manager to me: i hope he keeps his promise.

(Suggested Title: Dead Men Tell No Tales But Still Fill Out the Long Form)

(As part of the 2000 Census, I was working on a team whose job was to handle Group Homes, Assisted Living, and similar places)

Census Taker: “Hello Ma’am. Our records show you didn’t send in your census form?”

Nice Elderly Lady: “My Husband sent ours in.”

(I politely not, wave over one of the Orderlies and ask)

Census Taker: “Is this lady’s husband also somewhere here, living somewhere else, or possibly deceased?”

Orderly: “Her Husband’s been dead for eight years.”

(I nod and go back into the room, pulling a short form from my folder, and putting a sticky on the long form assigned to her)

Census Taker: “My apologies, ma’am. It seems we had a clerical error and have lost the copy your husband sent in. Since he is away, could I please sit down with you and have you fill out this short form. It won’t take more then 5 minutes, and if you need, I can read the questions and you can just tell me the answers to fill in.”

Nice Elderly Lady: “Well, sure. That seems fine.”

Census Taker: “Thank you very much, ma’am.”

(Won’t bore you with the 5 minutes, but we filled her form out, I then confided with my supervisor and go permission to notate the husband was deceased on the form, and we then filed it. At the end of the day, I felt good that I had done my job, and not destroyed this nice lady’s happy world where her husband was still alive, filling out the long form, and promptly sending their census forms off. Not sure if this story really counts. She wasn’t right, but did it really matter that she wasn’t right? Plus her behavior wasn’t funny, nor outrageous, and sadly not even unusual.)

(This incident was related by my friend in a Facebook status. His small, half-blind dog was playing with another dog at a leash-free park, and in his words: Since she [the other dog’s owner] wasn’t aware that dogs play, decided she would try to kick my dog in an attempt to get them to break it up. My dad spots her and they have the following exchange:)

Him: “Really? You’re going to try to f***ing kick my half-blind dog?”

Her: “Yep!”

(Also in my friend’s words: Some people really aren’t worth the space they take up.)

Our web team received this email from a customer today. The best and weirdest part is that the product he is asking for is easily available on our website and in our catalog.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have tried three times over the past nine months to order (Specialized Product Name) for one of my (DIY hobby) projects.  When by phone, the young lady will tell me she will get back to me, but never does.

Do you still serve white American military veterans/citizens, who have a retirement hobby?  I understand that several Islamic power brokers in the United States are presently attempting to shut down service to certain American citizen-demographics.  Is this true?

If you will accept an order from me, is it possible to speak with someone who can give me an intelligent answer?

I’m getting tired of the answer, “I don’t know but, I could call you back!”

Respectfully submitted,
Customer’s Full Name