(I work at a well-known fast food chain that is known for being home of a famous burger named similarly to a common candy. I had barely walked in the door to begin my shift when I started to hear this exchange.)

Customer: You guys f ***ed up my sandwich!

Manager: (Already fed up with this customer for the way he presented the problem.) I don’t see any issue here. What’s wrong?

Customer: This sandwich is supposed to have 6 full pieces of bacon. Mine only has 6 half pieces!

Manager: That is exactly how many it is supposed to have sir. Advertisements can be misleading.

Customer: I don’t care. Look at the ad right above your head. Maybe have the cooks look at it too so they know what it looks like.

Manager: Sir, the cooks already know what it looks like. They have several diagrams to show them how to make sandwiches, and this sandwich is one of them.

Customer: WELL OBVIOUSLY F****KING NOT! I DEMAND A NEW SANDWICH!!

Manager: Fine sir, I’ll have a new one made.

(The cooks halted everything to make this one sandwich, and put several extra pieces of bacon on it.)

Customer: THIS IS BULLS**T! IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE THE AD!

Manager: Sir, I’ll say it again; ads are misleading. Do you see the mayo on the sandwich in the picture? That’s not mayo; it’s Elmers glue.

Customer: I don’t f***ing care. It should look like the picture, or else it’s false advertising.

Customer#2:(Highly irate due to this man yelling and cussing with her children present) If you don’t like the way it looks, maybe you should just leave.

Customer#1: I’m not leaving until I get my sandwich YOU B***H!

Manager: Here’s you sandwich. Now get out of my store!

(The customer leaves)

Manager:(Turning to me) If he ever comes back, nobody is to serve him.

Me: I didn’t plan on it.

(I cannot believe how much he wanted his bacon. I definitely would not have been able to handle it as well as my manager did.)

I give editors permission to paraphrase this if needed.

(I work in a small cafe where people can perform music as long as they secured a spot 4 weeks prior.One of regular performers is girl in her late teens-early twenties who goes by the stage name “Luna”,complete with wolf ears,a tail,fake fangs,fake claws,contacts,a wig and edgy clothes.She came in early,out of costume with her guitar and a duffel bag.I make her usual drink and we make small talk.)

Me:Hey Amber,ready for the show?

Amber:You bet.I got a new song that’ll shake this place.

Me: You say this about every song.

(At that moment I see two boys from our school who are known for their long list of ex girlfriends.They’re the most shallow creatures I have ever met.They find girls to date and after they get bored they dump them.)

Guy #1:Hey pancake,make me a [ridiculously complicated drink] and make it large.

Guy #2:I’ll have [simpler drink],large. I’m paying good money for it so don’t make me wait.

Me:*fake smile*Right away sir.

Inner me:Rich D****-Bags.

(I’m pretty flat compared to other girls my age and Amber,while a very busty girl,her shapes are hard to see because of her baggy clothes.As Luna she wear much more provocative yet modest enough clothes.)

Guy #1:Hey Amby,you singing tonight?

Amber:As a matter of fact I do.

Guy #2:Hah!You a plank of wood with zero talent.Unlike the gorgeus Luna.I’ve been in love with her ever since she sang at my birthday party.I’m getting excited just thinking about that mismifyng siren.(Yes,he actually said that.)

Amber:*mortified look*

Me:I think the word you’re looking for is “mesmerizing”.

Guy #2: Whatever.Just make our drinks.

(After they left)

Me:I feel tempted to spit in their cups. Should I tell them?

Amber:I have a better plan.

(When she flashes that devilish smile it’s always a good show.After performing her new song,Wich was about standing up for yourself,by the way,she removed her wig,fangs and contacts.)

Amber: I’d like to dedicate this song to[Guy #1 and #2]. I hope you liked the song,you pigs. I’m I still the girl of your dreams -[guy #1]?

(They went beet red and dashed out of the cafe.Almost everyone laughed at them.)

Random customer:What was that all about?

Me:Those two compliment Amber’s alter ego but insult Amber.I think their little bubble just burst.

Random customer:I haven’t seen that kind of speed since my sister’s​ Doberman scared the fur off my cat.

(I answer the phone)

Me: Thanks for calling (store) my name is (name) how can I help you?

Caller: You guys buy Pokemon cards?

Me: Yes we do. How many were you looking to sell as our Pokemon buyer isn’t here on Mondays.

Caller: Oh for how much?

Me: Well it depends on the card and the condition.

Caller: Will you buy an unopened booster box?

(Pokemon cards come in multiple different packages. A booster box is 36 packs with 10 cards in each pack. The store sells both the booster boxes and the packs themselves but we have our own distributor. I try to explain this.)

Me: Well no sorry we only buy singles we don’t buy booster boxes.

Caller: What do you mean you don’t buy booster boxes it’s sealed!!!

Me: No sorry we have our own distributor of this product.

Caller: What you don’t buy sealed product???

Me: …No we do not as we get it from our own distributor. If you were to open the box and get good cards we would be able to buy them from you but we don’t buy unopened sealed product we get it from our distributor.

(Caller hangs up huffing. Yeah I know I sounded bad but what was I supposed to do the guy sounded really annoyed)

I’m at the advance screening (the film got a delayed release to slot into the school holidays) for The Lego Batman Movie, and seated near a couple of kids. At several points in the movie they mention spoilers for events later in the plot. Needless to say I was doing a bit of shushing towards them. They also left a mess on the floor after the movie finished.

Weber grill. The pins that hold the lid in place broke, so when we tried opening the lid, the lid fell off. Called customer service and got sent the parts. When asked, they said they don’t send techs out, the family has to do the work themselves.

We get the parts. Found out you have to take half the bbq apart to replace a part, only to find out the bolts needed to be taken out are rusted in place.

Called up customer service. Here is what I think the best part of the entire conversation:
Customer service: “Is the grill outside?”
Me: “That’s usually where people put their grills, yes.”
Customer service: “Well over time, things are going to get rusty outside.”