So I work as a marshall in a laser quest arena. Mainly, our customers are kid’s birthday parties and the like, but every so often we have groups of teens/adults, and they’re my favourite. It means I can have a bit more fun, be more teasing, y’know.

So I’m taking care of a group of university girls and after their game finishes, I’m walking around the room hooking the equipment up to the wall so it can charge overnight (it was closing time by this point.)
As I walk past one girl, she slutdrops, not realising I’m behind her, and she inadvertently grinds against me. As a naturally joker-type person, I say something along the lines of “Jeez, at least buy me a drink first!” Needless to say, her entire group of friends proceed to embarrass the poor girl as they make their way out of the establishment! Cut to 10 minutes later, my manager and I walk out of the building to finish locking up and the group of girls are still there. The girl that accidentally dry-humped me walks over and gives me her number, and we have now been together for about half a year!

(I’m an assistant, but I also function as a receptionist, as my office has a large window that looks out into the hallway, where there are two other suites for other companies. It’s not uncommon for visitors to approach the window to speak to me, thinking that I’m the receptionist for one of the other companies, in which case I direct them to one of the other suites. One day, a woman exits the elevator, standing right in front of a sign with arrows pointing to the different suites and their companies, before walking over and staring into my window. I get up and go to the door so I can speak with her.)
Woman: I’m [name.]
(She waits, as if I should know who she is.)
Me: Hi. Which company were you looking for?
Woman: I don’t know.
Me: …
Woman: It was supposed to be [suite number].
Me: Oh, that’s right over there. (I point to the door marked clearly with the suite number and company name.)
(The woman looks over at the door and, without a word, walks toward it. However, as she’s walking, she calls back:)
Woman: Don’t you scare me like that!

(I am working on registers one day when a man I guess to be in his late 70’s places a few items on my belt. Amongst them I see a box of condoms. I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but otherwise say nothing. As I pick them up, the man smiles at me.)

Man: Just so you know, those aren’t for me, they’re for my grandsons.

Me: (smiles in relief) Ah, that explains it. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I did think “good for you!”

Man: (laughs) Oh, no, I’m far beyond that at my age!

(We had a good laugh and the man paid and went on his way. I had been having a lousy day, but this funny misunderstanding cheered me up.)

(I work in a well known chicken restaurant.)

* Manager who is currently working on line comes up to me”
Manager : ” A costumer just walked in who says they’re allergic to chicken”

(I never heard anything after that but it still begs the question: if you’re allergic to something…why go to a restaurant that primarily is known for the food you are allergic to?)

I work in a showroom that sells bathroom fixtures and accessories, we have people come in that are planning on a remodel, or building a new home and want to check out the products. I get so many stupid questions:
Customer #1 – “so when you say 60″ in length, is that how long it is?”
Customer #2 – “what is the difference between left and right hand drain?”, Me: “that is the side that the drain and plumbing is on”, Customer: “how do I know which side I need”
Customer #3 – “I’m looking for a 5 foot vanity”, me: yes, here are our 60″ vanities” customer: I don’t think you understand I want 5 feet. me: “yes, 5 feet and 60 inches are the same measurement” Customer: “no they’re not, everyone know feet are bigger than inches!”