(It is Saturday, our busiest day, and we are super busy. One customer comes in without an appointment, but we are willing to squeeze their two dogs in , letting them know it will take a while. They are ok with it)
Customer: *calling in a few hours later* Hi, are my dogs ready?
Me: well, I’ve is done and the other is bathed, but the groomer does have to go to lunch soon and it will probably take another few hours due to the complicated haircut as the other dogs who came in before you.
Customer: This is unacceptable! I went to a baseball game and they should be ready now! I’m coming to get them! *hangs up*
(I let my co-workers know what happened and that I’m going to just charge for the bath, not the haircut. A few minutes later a physically angry man with a red face storms in saying he’s here for the dogs)
Man: I’M HERE FOR MY DOGS! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!!
Me: Ok, so we’re going to charge for just the bath on this dog. The total is ##
Man: *fuming* what!? This is horse s***! Why is it so much? F*** you!!!
Me: Well this is the price of a bath, it’s actually less than the price you signed for. I’m sorry you are upset, but unfortunately i cannot change the price.
Him: I want to speak to a manager! This is f****** B******* you charge this much! We dropped them off in the morning and they should be done!
Me: Well, our manager isn’t here, but if you have any complaints, you can call during the weekday. And –
Him: *cuts me off* OH I’M GONNA DO THAT!
*he actually lets me process the transaction and charge his card, probably because at this point I’ve stopped looking at him and focused on the invoice. He continues cursing and ranting as i slide his card as just act as calm as possible going through the typical dialogue at this point. That seems to set him off more because when he signs the receipt, he just writes “HORSE S***” in place of his name)
Him: I wrote HORSE S**** ON THE RECEIPT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU ARE! I’M TELLING MY MOTHER IN LAW TO NEVER COME HERE! F**** YOU! *insert string of profanity* YOU’VE JUST LOST MY BUSINESS!!!!
Me: Have a nice day!
(One of the groomers was outside and he started ranting at her, i peeked out the door holding a phone as if i was about to call the police, and he got in his car and sped off. I called my manager and now he is banned at the store, and if he tried to come in again, we will call the police for real)

I have just been patched up after a relatively minor freak accident. Local anaesthesia and a pair of forceps fixed me up but while small the wound is fairly deep and likely to be painful when the anaesthesia wears off. I was discharged two days ago from the same hospital for an unrelated and fairly routine procedure.
ER Doctor: We’re going to give you a prescription for infection and for pain-
Me: I’ve got a recent prescription for ibuprofen and Percocet from my visit the other day.
ER Doctor: And for pain you just keep doing what you were doing for that!

It’s my last day working at a fast food chain and a customer has called and complained about her coffee that she had got right before her road trip.

In our training we were told that if a customer isn’t satisfied they could go to any other location and exchange it.

She rudely declined and started to have a go at me. I cut her off and told her that I would make sure a manager called her tomorrow. I never let anyone at work know.

I am at a gas station/service station while my car is being serviced, and I need to use the restroom. Unfortunately, I run into an issue.

Me: “Your bathroom has no toilet paper.”

Employee: “Yeah, I know, my owner is heading out to get more.”

Me: “But I need to go now.”

Employee: Well, you can wait or you can go somewhere else.”

Me: “But you’re working on my car. How can I go somewhere else?”

Employee: “Sorry, there’s nothing I can do.”

All of a sudden, I notice that [far right newspaper that was until quite recently owned by a notorious cult] is for sale at the gas station, and a devilish grin spreads across my face as I take a copy.

Me: “Can I buy this and use it as toilet paper?”

Employee: “Hell, you can have it for free to wipe your a**. Might as well put that s***rag to good use.”

I work at a popular soup, salad, and sandwich chain which also sells desserts. We offer a customer loyalty program which gives you rewards for free or discounted items for eating there regularly. One such reward would be “One Free Muffin”. I cannot tell you how many times the following scenario happens:

Customer: *Enters rewards number* “I’d like a [muffin], please.”

Me: “Oh, I see here that you have a reward for a free muffin. Would you like to use it?”

Customer: “Oh my God, can I use that on my muffin?”

Me: “Why would I offer to let you use it if you weren’t allowed to, you insufferable imbecile?”

Okay…I didn’t actually say that last part…