(Disclaimer: I will admit to being the bad customer in this story. Normally, despite going to tech support only have I exhausted all obvious solutions (rebooting, clear cache, etc), I do not have problem sitting through the typical tech support script. It is only when I have to email customer service and go over exactly what I did that I get a little tarse. Here are a couple examples.

After trying to download a software for a digital camera:)

Me: Hi, I have downloaded [Product #1] for [Camera]. I am using a Windows 10 browser, not usually connected to the Internet so I used an Ethernet cable. I selected the Windows 64-bit. This is a company computer. It didn’t work so I uninstalled it and reinstalled any helpful tips?

Rep #1: *30 minutes later* Hello. Unfortunately, you need Internet to download our product. Please connect to the Internet and try again.

(Note: It takes 30 minutes to uninstall and then 30 minutes to install this program, but I try it again anyway.)

Me: Alright. As I said, it is hooked up to the Internet. I will try again.

Me: *an hour later* Hello, I am afraid it didn’t work. Any other tips?

Rep #1: *12 hours later* Try downloading the 64-bit [Program #1]. *links same product*

Me: *after repeating the process with the “new” download link* I am afraid it still doesn’t work. Can you please go through the steps on how to download it. Perhaps I am missing something.

(Radio silence for 3 days, so I send another support ticket listing out what I have done and that I had talked to someone, but I think my support ticket was closed prematurely. Twenty-four hours later….)

Rep #1: *in email 2* Have you tried uninstalling and reinstalling the program?

Rep #1: *in email 1* Please fill out this customer service survey!

Me: *fills out survey with email thread and poor service scores* Time to find a new camera.

(Example #2: Trying to buy tickets from a well-known company:)

Me: Hello, I am trying to create an account, but I am unable to input my Country into the appropriate field. I have tried [Browser #1], [Browser #2], [Browser #3], and [Browser #4] on two different devices. One runs Windows 8.1 and the other Windows 10. I believe it might be an issue with your website if you want to send someone to check it out pronto.

Rep #2: *in same email* Hello [My Name]. Have you tried clearing your cache? If that doesn’t work try a different device or a different browser. We work best on [Browser #3] or [Browser #4]. If that doesn’t work, send me your full address and I can take care of it. Please fill out this survey below!

Me: NOPE! *gets my coat on to go buy the tickets in person*

(Yes I did reply with that single word. No way I was going to give my address to someone who isn’t even paid to read my support ticket.)

(This didn’t happen to me but to one of my coworkers. It is should be noted that we work for a company that sells wireless equipment – the kind of stuff you’d buy if you wanted to add WiFi to an exhibition hall or hotel, for example – and my coworker is our Technical Manager with almost 20 years’ worth experience installing the very products we are selling. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Customer: [School] has hired me to update their network and wants to have WiFi access available in all the classrooms. I’ve had a look and I think [range from Manufacturer 1] will do it. What do I need and where should I place it to give them the best coverage?

Coworker: Based on what you’re trying to achieve, I’d recommend [cheaper range from Manufacturer 2]. I’ve used them for all of my school installations and they do a better job in those types of environments than [range from Manufacturer 1].

Customer: I don’t know…

(They go back and forth for almost an hour, with my coworker finally persuading the customer to follow his recommendation.)

Customer: Well I’ll need to demonstrate to the school that your suggestion will give them everything they want.

Coworker: Not a problem. We have an evaluation kit that you can use.

Customer: What does it cost?

Coworker: You pay the cost for the delivery upfront and we give you the kit on 30-day payment terms. If you keep the kit for longer than 30 days, then you are obligated to pay for the cost of the kit.

Customer: But what if [school] wants to keep it?

Coworker: Then you would need to pay for it.

Customer: But the school’s keeping it, not me.

Coworker: Yes, but you’re our customer. Therefore it would be your responsibility to pay.

Customer: But what if [school] wants to keep it?

(It continues in this vain for another 30 minutes before my coworker is finally able to get the customer to accept that he will be responsible for any costs. The customer asks to be sent a quote for the cost of delivering the evaluation kit and a few other items he wants to add to the school’s network, which my coworker does. Later that day, the customer emails the following to my coworker’s manager who, as we are a very small company, happens to also be one of the owners.)

Customer: Your employee, [Coworker], is an idiot. He sent me a quote for [range from Manufacturer 1] when I asked for a [range from Manufacturer 2].

(My coworker got an extra break and an afternoon off from dealing with customers over the phone. As far as I know, the owner ended up having the exact same conversation. Not sure whether the customer actually bought anything in the end.)

(I work for a company that sells LARP weapons and armour, so we often get interesting customers, but this phone call was enough to make me get the work whiskey out)
Me: “[Company], home of the [brand we specialize in].
Customer: “Hi. I have a few questions about your gam-BE-soons.”
Me: “Sure, I can help you with gambesons, what did you need to know?”
Customer: “Okay, so because Russia is hacking me I have to change my email every month. The Russian dating sites made my girlfriend leave me because she was afraid of them, but now she set the Russian mob on me.”
Me: “Err, okay, I’m sorry to hear that sir, what did you need to know about the gambesons?”
(He launches in to a 5 minute rant on Russian conspiracy theories, and I send my coworkers a message letting them know I’ll be on the phone for a while.)
Customer: “Anyway, I need to know if I can buy the gam-BE-soon in black.”
Me: “Yep! Just select black when you are placing the order on our site.”
Customer: “I also have a question about your chainmail.”
Me: “Sure thing, what did you need to know?”
Customer: “Trump made me pay $700 more for a dragon thing when he changed the American currency.”
Me: “Uh-huh.”
(He rants about Trump for a few minutes before finally finally asking his question.)
Customer: “Do you stock short sleeved chain?”
Me: “We have a couple of short sleeved options on our website.”
Customer: “Okay thanks!”

(I had to take a break after this, and my boss is going to post about something to do with Russia on our social media tomorrow to mess with him.)

I work as a hostess in a popular chain restaurant and it is my job to greet the guests and seat them my common greeting being “Hey guys welcome to restaurant, how many in your party today?” I use guys as a general term and no one has ever said anything before
So when a family comes in, a mom her son and husband i greet them
Me: Hi guys welcome to restaurant, give me one second and I can take you to your seat
Woman at my counter staring at me: IM A LADY
Me after awkwardly trying to respond : umm right this way
I still dont understand why she was so defensive

(I work at a pharmacy and we accept a well known rewards card, as part of my hiring process i signed a contract saying i would ask every customer if they have the rewards card)
Me: “do you have [reward card]?”
Customer: “Its cash”
Me “… okay, do you have [reward card]?”
Customer: “It’s cash”
(it continues back and forth like this for a minute)
Customer: “I REFUSE TO ANSWER STUPID QUESTIONS”
Me: “okay, its [price]”
(they pay and leave at last
Next customer: “I feel so bad for you that was so rude”

(some time later i have the same customer again and simply does not respond when i asked for the rewards card, after asking twice i realized who it was)