I’m the stupid customer in this story. I was a preteen at the time and on vacation with my family. Not only did the store assistant witness this moment, but so did my dad.

Me: Hi, I’m looking for a fantasy book series called [Title], but I can’t remember the author’s last name. I think it starts with an “K” … or maybe an “M?”

The series title is too generic for the fantasy genre — it’s basically just the name of a mythological creature. The store assistant scrolls through an inventory list on a store computer, looking for book series similar to the name I said written by an author with a “K” or “M” name. I reject each suggestion she makes. We spend about 5 minutes doing this.

Me: Oh, wait, I remember the author name! [Name that begins with an R!]

To the store assistant’s credit, she said absolutely nothing about it, just took us straight to the bookshelf. We bought the second and third books in the series, so it was only partly a waste of time.

(I’m a police officer and as I patrol the streets, I come across a car parked in front of a fire hydrant. I stop and issue the car a ticket. As I’m finishing up, a lady comes sprinting up to me.)
Lady: Excuse me! Why are you giving me a ticket?
Me: Because you’re parked in front of a fire hydrant Ma’am.
Lady: But this was the only spot left and I didn’t want my kids to be late for school! I was only parked here for a minute.
(I check my watch and see that the elementary school near by started over a hour ago)
Me: School started over an hour ago Ma’am. Was there a special circumstance?
Lady: Yes! I had three kids to drop off and then I had to attend the PTA meeting. It was an emergency!
Me: I’m sorry ma’am and I realize mornings can be very hectic but running late and having to attend the meeting is not a valid reason to block a fire hydrant. (I proceed to hand her the ticket)
Lady: Well I’m the PTA President! I’m a very important person around here! You cancel the ticket or I’ll get you fired!
Me: I can’t cancel the ticket once I’ve issued it Ma’am. Information about paying and contesting is on the back. Is there anything else?
Lady: So you’re not canceling this? Give me your name and badge number then.
Me: My name is (My name) and my badge number is (my badge number).
(The lady proceeded to give me one last dirty look before driving off. Nothing ever came of the complaint.)

(I walk into a CD and record store I frequent to browse for a recent album by a favorite band of mine. While walking the aisles trying to find their slot in the shelving, I’m stopped.)

Other Customer: Excuse me, do you work here?

Me, confused: No, I’m sorry– *looks down and realizes I’m wearing a concert T-shirt from a different band* Oh, crap. I walked into a CD store with a band shirt on. I’m sorry, I dont actually work here!

Other Customer: *laughs* That’s ok. You wouldnt happen to know where [band] is, would you?

Me: No, sorry. I’m sure the guys up front will be able to help you though!

(Lesson learned!)

I’m at my desk and I answer a phone call.

Me: [business name, my name] how can I help you?
Caller: Yes, is this [totally different business name]?
Me: No, this is [business name].
Caller: Oh. I must have the wrong number then.
Me: *internally while facepalming* YES YOU MUST HAVE.

Jesus H God, this isn’t even the first time TODAY. What the actual f-word are they thinking?! Answer: THEY’RE NOT. *screams incoherently*

(I work at a famous electronics store. I was helping a customer who was looking to buy one of our laptops, when a teenage girl walks in with her friend.)

Teenage Girl: Alright [Friend], today’s the day. Today’s the day I buy quality earbuds. No more dollar store earbuds for me!

Friend: Finally. Mark the day!

Teenage Girl: Nope, not since the last pair almost exploded in my ear.