One day, all credit card services in our area were down. I walked into the grocery. The doors displayed huge signs explaining this and that only checks and cash could be used. The signs were repeated just inside the inner door and at the entrance to all checkout lanes. Approximately every five minutes, an announcement was made explaining the situation and stressing cash and checks only as payment.

As fans of this site might expect, quite a few people still managed to remain oblivious to the situation. I was in line behind one of them. He said, “I just wasted forty minutes shopping here and NOW you tell me I can’t pay?! Fine! I’m going to [the only other grocery in town.]” He stormed away.

I stepped up to take his place and said, “Good luck with that; the service is down everywhere.”

The clerk laughed and said people had been reacting like that all day. We chatted about the situation and the signs and announcements not being enough for some people.

At the end of the transaction, a sense of mischief overcame me. I said, “So, my [credit card] is okay to use; right?”

I saw two cashiers turn around to stare incredulously, but the clerk I had knows me. When she burst out laughing everyone else relaxed and smiled.

A UPS driver calls unexpected while I’m at work, telling me he has a package for me.

Me: I see… I’m not home now though. But you can leave it with the doorman, I guess.

Driver: You live in 108,right? I can’t find 108!

Me: It’s not hard to find. It’s a pretty big building.

Driver: I’m driving around the block now, can you come out and look for me?

Me: Like I said, I’m at work. You need to find 108 and leave the package with the doorman.

Driver: I can’t find 108. I found 100. I’ll leave it there, OK?

Me: What? No! I don’t know anyone who lives there. I live in 108!

Driver: But I can’t find 108. What can I do? I can’t find it!

Me: Use GPS or something!

Driver: I’ll just take it to 100.

Me: No! I don’t live there!

Driver’ I know but what can I do? I’ll call you back later.

He hung up. I was busy at work and had to put the phone away. Later that day I discovered that the package had been left with a different neighbor who I never talk to. Not anyone who lives in 100,but in 112. It’s a miracle I got my package in the end.

(I help with catering at a congress centre. It’s all temporary workers and payrollers, but if you do well, you might stick around for quite a while. The manager of today’s party is also a payroller.)

Manager: *Jokingly* ‘I’ve been working at [Congress centre] for eighteen years already. You guys can never earn the worth of everything I accidentally destroyed here through the years!’

I’m a broadcast engineer for a radio station, which means I’m basically do maintenance, Consult on computer issues and refer to the help desk if it’s complicated, and IT for everything from the talent mic to the dishes on the antenna. A coworker is having issues with a specific piece of software on their computer crashing multiple times a day. I log into my own account on their computer, but can’t recreate the problem. I try to log into their account, so that I can check their copy of the program, and the last password they gave me, about a month ago, no longer works. I email them to confirm they haven’t changed their password since they gave it to me, and they confirm it’s the same. I try again and it still doesn’t work, so I go find them.

Me: Are you sure you’re password hasn’t changed in the last month? I keep trying WordwordNumber and it’s not working.
Coworker: Yeah, it’s Wordworddifferentnumber now.

Why would you say you haven’t changed your password, when clearly it is different than it was a month ago?

(FOIP is the Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act. It’s what lets the government brand things as top secret, and not reveal it to the public. It is the bane of a reporter’s existence, as government officials will always use it as an excuse to not talk to you. We recently had the mayor on the air for a live interview, and I get a call from a very angry government official.)

Government Official: I need to know EXACTLY what the mayor said when he was on your station the other day!

Me: Certainly! You’ll find a write-up posted on our website.

Government Official: Are you deaf? I said I need to know EXACTLY what he said. I need every recording you made of that interview NOW.

Me: I’m sorry, but all recordings we make become the property of [broadcast company]. If you want a copy of them, you need to call our head office in [city] and file an official request.

Government Official: What the hell are you talking about? What is all this s*** about official requests? Just give it to me!

Me: I can’t just give it to you. You need to file a request with our head office.

Government Official: NO! JUST GIVE IT TO ME! What do you mean by all this “official request” garbage?

(I smile as I realize the perfect analogy to make.)

Me: It means it’s protected by FOIP! If you want it, file a FOIP request!

(There’s a long, stunned silence from the government official.)

Government Official: Oh. Well, I guess what you posted on your website will do.

(I checked the website to find that the whole argument was rendered moot, as we had posted the entire recording of the interview. But still, it was quite satisfying to throw FOIP back in a government official’s face!)