I work for a call centre for a communications company and when confirming certain information we use the phonetic alphabet. I cant remember ehat the customer was trying to spell but fir ecample this is how my call proceeds…..

Me: Can I take your full name please?

Customer: Mr John Smith

Me: How are you spelling Smith, is it with an I or a Y?

Customer: S for sugar, M for mother, I for India, T for Tommy and H for HIV

Me: …..

(I’ve been asked some weird questions at the checkout, but this one takes the cake.)
Customer: Excuse me?
Me: Yes?
Customer: (Holds out a product) Is there a way for you to scan this and see the last time one was sold?
Me (thinking I misheard) When the last time one was sold?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Um… possibly at Customer Service?
Customer: Okay! (walks away)
(I can’t figure out why anyone would need to know that.)

I used to work at an old-fashioned bed and breakfast. One week, while I was still working there, they went on a retreat. In other words, taking the week off, so they could have a breather. Even with all the notices, a customer still tried to book a room. When they were told they couldn’t, because of the retreat, he gave the owner a hard time, and threatened to leave a review, saying there were no rooms, when they were promised one.

When the owner (my old boss) was telling us workers this, at the end, she said to us, “F*** off. We were planning this retreat since last November,” (At this time, it was July.) “What a jerk.”

Another time, a couple months before the retreat, a woman tried to book a room. There are only two rooms with a TV and a personal bathroom, which are, of course, more expensive. When the woman couldn’t have the more expensive rooms for the same price as one of the cheaper rooms (with no bathroom or TV), she left a review, saying she was not given the room she was promised. My old boss simply replied to her, “You wanted one of the more expensive rooms, and you didn’t want to pay the price for it.”

My old boss was never really the smartest of people, but she had a good point with this!

I’m a musician playing in a bar with my friend Bob. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, or not. Bob and I are playing/singing an acoustic set. Things are going well and everybody loves us. This guy, let’s call him Al, comes up with his own guitar and asks if he can play a song, with one of us playing along.
Keep in mind this is a big no-no. You don’t as a band if you can play with them, unless 1. They’re a live Karaoke band. 2. You know someone in the band that can vouch for your ability.
We tell him no, we don’t do that because we’ve been burned too many times. Either the person gets up and sucks, or he doesn’t want to leave the stage aferwards. Al tells us that he’ll pay us $100 to let him do one song. We reluctantly relent. He gets up and sits on the stool next to Bob and starts to play something we’ve never heard. Bob is extremely talented and can pick up almost anything. So, Al is actually pretty good. Unfortunately, of course, he’s one of the guys who doesn’t want to leave after one song. The patrons in the bar are shouting out suggestions that Al doesn’t know. So we ask him, “please step down and where’s our 100 bucks?” He explains that he’ll get cash at the bar when he pays his tab (they don’t do that). I shake my head and sigh in exasperation. Al doesn’t like that and trash talks us the rest of the night.
Skip to last call. Al doesn’t even have enough on his card to cover his bar tab. He gets in a fight with the owner. On top of that, he starts lashing out at me. I’m just sitting at the bar with my wife waiting for my regular pay, saying nothing. Al starts to shove the owner (a 5’4″ woman), and one of the patrons takes him outside and demands his wallet. Al has $40 in his wallet, less than half his tab, which is given to the owner. The police are called and Al is charged with Theft, Assault, and as it turns out, resisting arrest.
F@#$er never had the money to begin with. Now, we adhere to the “don’t let anyone come up and play” rule very strictly.

I work in a popular chicken shop that does delivery, however head office has decided to change the delivery area which has cut out a new estate in the area which is now about 2 km outside the area now. If people order online in this area we have to call and inform them that the area has changed and thus can’t deliver the food.

Me: Hi, this is so and so from chicken shop. I’m calling to let you know that unfortunately the delivery area has changed due to food safety reasons and so I won’t be able to deliver your food tonight, I’m so sorry.

Customer: well last time.we ordered we got told the same thing, we complained and the next day we had a guy from your store call and apologise because you do deliver down here.

Me: can I ask how long ago was that? It changed about a month ago that the cutoff for delivery was street name.

Customer: it was about 3 weeks ago, this is ridiculous! We’re about 100m from that street!

Me: I’m sorry but unfortunately that is where head office has decided that the cut off point is. I’ll process the refund for you now, again I apologise that it’s changed and we can’t deliver it.

Customer: well I expect you to send someone down here with cash so I can go and buy food for my family.

Me: I won’t be able to send someone down with cash for you, I can and will process the refund for you since you paid credit.

Customer: of course you can’t! This is fucking ridiculous! I’m going to put in a complaint about this and you just watch, we’ll get a phone call tomorrow about how you can deliver down here!

Me: again, it was head office that has put this in place due to food safety reasons and I get its frustrating for which I’m sorry.

Customer: you can go stick your refund and go fuck yourself!

*customer hangs up*

I check complaints about an hour later and she did put in a complaint saying that a smart ass girl had told her that we don’t deliver down there and she was going to put on the estates group page never to use our store and recommend other delivery places instead.