My department supports services for business bank accounts. Many people who call press the wrong numbers on the menu and end up in our department. This leads us to clarify as early as possible with every call.

Customer: “Hi [about 20 seconds of needless exposition], and now I’m locked out of my account.”
Me: “OK, is this a personal account, or a business account?”
Customer: “No, it’s a bank account.”

I’m sitting at home waiting for some food to be delivered when my phone rings. I usually add “Please call when you arrive.” as it’s a little hard to find my apartment in my confusing complex.

Caller: Hello! I’m (name) from (company) and I’m calling to let you know you’ve stayed with us at one of our resorts or one of our sister resorts and you’ve gained enough points for an all expenses paid trip! Do you have a couple minutes while I explain this to you?

(Her tone was cheery, but I had no interest in talking about this because there is always some catch 22.)

Me: No, sorry I’m cleaning my apartment right now and don’t really have time. Sorry.

(Que standard sales pitch)

Caller: Well *Click*

Sorry lady.

(I work in accounts receivable collecting money from customers who have a credit line with us, generally 30 days later but some customers don’t pay for a lot longer than 30 days, this customer hasn’t paid in nearly 200 days. His order was originally for 20 [items] and before we shipped it to him he changed it to 10 [items]. This occurs after he has paid for five of the [items]. This all occurs over email.)

Me: I am emailing you the proof of deliveries for all 10 [items] as well as the invoice for all 10 and the copy of the check that only paid for 5 [items].

Customer: (via email) I paid for this order, and don’t forget that I changed my order from 20 [items] to 10! And I only received 10 [items].

Me: Yes sir, I am aware you changed the order from 20 to 10 but you only paid for 5! Please provide payment for the rest of the order.

Customer: I don’t understand what you mean, I am going to CC my boss so he can figure this out too.

Boss: We paid for this order. I am attaching our purchase order where you can clearly see we only ordered 5 [items].

Me: Please scroll down to where [Customer] wrote that he received 10 [items].

(Ten minutes after that email was sent.)

Boss: We are going to pay for the rest of this
order.

(The lesson, always make sure you get everything in writing! I can’t prove they were trying to scam my company but the fact that they kept trying to only pay for half of the order sure felt like it!)

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need this check cashed. *Hands me personal check drawn from her own account* Tell me the remaining balance after you take that out.”

Me: “Sure, no problem!”

Me (after cashing the check): “Your remaining balance is [balance].

Customer: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: *internally lobbing profanities at her* “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yes. How much do I have left in my savings?”

At work I’m in control of the personal protect equipment (PPE), which includes things like safety knives. I have an employee who checks in and out the knives to the line workers, but only I can give them to other departments to keep.
At one point I’m talking with a coworker when the director of production (my boss) and the head of safety ask me to come with them and we all go to the PPE cage where the equipment is kept. Apparently the head of engineering had sent out a nasty email explaining how the cage only had broken knives, which was something that had happened the month before, and if it happened again, it would not be pretty.
However, my employee explained that the head of engineering had come over, asked for a knife to keep, and my employee had referred him to me. As my boss and the head of safety can each see for themselves, we have plenty of knives, and they tell me they will handle it. The head of safety responds to the email saying there was a misunderstanding and there are plenty of knives, while privet telling the engineer’s boss what happened. The engineer then sends me a privet email, asking for some knives and replacement blades. And, just as I would have done anyway, I get him them.
And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why he didn’t just ask me to begin with.