Unfiltered Story #47640

Unfiltered | December 9, 2015

My dad, mother and I are out to dinner. My mother and I don’t have a great relationship, but I come from a very antagonistic and funny family. (sidenote: While I am straight my mother continually asks if I’m a lesbian as she’s never met any of my relationships or heard about them until they’re done and she’s knows I support LGBT equality and marriage)

Mother stares me down for a few moments: “I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly. Ok?!”

Me: “For the 356 millionth time, I’m not a lesbian!”

Mother: “That’s not it. Why do you wear black all the time?”

Me: “Cause it’s more professional and black is slimming.”

Mother stares at me: “Is that the truth? Because when I was young my therapist told me that I wore black all the time because of a deep hatred of my mother.”

Me with a big smile: “Yeah, that’s pretty much why I do too”

Dad cracks up laughing.

Mother as she’s getting up and walking to the bar: “One day I’m going to have a normal daughter who wears colour and likes boys…”

Me yelling out to her as she walks away: “I’M NOT A FREAKING LESBIAN!!!”

Dad cracks up laughing even more.

Unfiltered Story #56668

Unfiltered | December 9, 2015

(This happens when I’m about 5 years old. I have always been pretty well behaving kid and so my mom usually let me to go to toys section to look for toys when she was in the clothes section. The store is quite small so she’s pretty much able to see me all the time. Note the toys section is near the cash registers.)

Cashier: *walks to me* ” Hey girl, where is your mom?”

Me: “In the clothes section.”

Cashier: “She must be worried. Come on let’s go find her”

Me: “But she let me come here.”

(This goes back and worth a while but eventually I follow the cashier and point her where my mom is.)

Cashier: *to my mom suddenly angry* “Excuse me, you can’t let your kids running in the store! We’re not here to supervise these kids misbehaving!”

Mom: *confused* “Did she do something?”

Cashier: “No! But she could have been tearing all the packages and destroying the toys! You parents leave your kids to toy section thinking that cashiers will look after them while you do the other shopping”

Mom: *now getting angry* “Excuse me? You come here to accuse my child for something she hasn’t even done. And for the record I have let her to go and look for toys for the last year now since that’s more interesting to her than having to walk around with me. And I’m not expecting you to take care of my daughter. I can see her from here all the time. I don’t understand how can that be such a huge problem now when it wasn’t before”

Cashier: “You can’t let your kid without supervising! What if she had stolen something?”

Mom: “I told you, I could see her all the time. I’m not listening your false accusations any longer.” *to me* “Let’s go [my name].”

Cashier: *shouts after us* She could have done that!

(Next time we went to the store we heard from another cashier that the woman was fired for causing scenes like that everyday.)

Unfiltered Story #32214

Unfiltered | December 9, 2015

(We’re in music, having completed several lessons on re-designing “Now is the Month of Maying”. Two of the three groups have performed so far.)

Teacher: And now from these two thoughtful responses to the task to… (glances around at the last group) …this.

Student #1: *starts playing a ringtone on the keyboard*

Student #2: *mimes swiping up a call on his phone* OI OI MATE GUESS WHAT MONTH IT IS BRUV!

Unfiltered Story #67029

Unfiltered | December 9, 2015

(It was nearly midnight and I had asked the final guests to leave, politely, as it was way past the legal time allowance for them to vacate the pub. When they refused, I began collecting my coat and bag, ready to go home.)

Female guest: Some people just have a different work ethic don’t they? They take an attitude to a certain job and are lazy.

Me: I’m sorry? What do you mean by that?

Female guest: You take what you see from that. You’re a d***. Your work ethic stinks. You’re lazy. You should sort it out. You’re a d***.

Me: (dumbfounded) Well, that’s a lovely thing to say to another human being isn’t it?

Male guest: You’re a d***. Everyone who works here thinks you are.

(They continue insulting me aggressively, calling upon staff to reinforce the message. They awkwardly retreat.)

(I not only work front of house, which is demanding enough with a small team, but also maintain the pub’s twitter account in my spare time, come in on days off to redo blackboards and train new staff. Lazy?)

Unfiltered Story #47639

Unfiltered | December 8, 2015

When we lived in California, a lot of my extended family lived close by in the same neighborhood. It was pretty routine to visit one particular aunt, as she had a pool. One day, after coming home from her house, my mother receives a rather interesting phone call.

Mom: oh (younger cousin’s name), I just got off the phone with Aunt (Aunt’s name)…

Younger Cousin: …(her eyes widen)

Mom:….and guess what she found…

Younger Cousin: I didn’t poop in the pool!!