(Every year, our school puts on a production some time during August, which alternates between a play and a musical. This year’s performance is the junior musical adaptation of The Little Mermaid. It’s nearing the end of July, and the cast performed Under the Sea during assembly as a preview. We’ve just been let out of assembly, and are heading off to collect our bags. It should be noted that [Friend 1] is an avid Disney fan.)

Friend 1: “Ugh, now that song’s going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day!”

Friend 2: “Yeah, I know right?”

Me: “Hey, I can fix that!”

Friend 1: “[My Name], don’t you dare start singing another ear worm.”

Me: “Nope, I’m not gonna do that this time.”

Friend 1: “Really? Then what were you going to sing?”

Me: “I forgot some of the lyrics, but it’s—” *starts singing Ariel’s part in a Disney parody* “So just try to put yourself in — to somebody else’s gills! You’re killing my ecosystem—”

Friend 1: *joining in* “—with fishing and oil spills!”

(Both of us proceed to belt out the rest of the stanza, then the rest of the song. At the end, [Friend 1] and I start laughing. All the while, [Friend 2] looks completely baffled.)

Friend 2: “What was that?”

Me: “A parody! Well ok, not the entire thing because I forgot some of the lines.”

Friend 2: “Dude, I still have no idea what the hell you just sang.”

Friend 1: “It’s Disney!”

([Friend 1] and I split off from [Friend 2], chatting about various Disney movies as we walk towards our classrooms. As we reach [Friend 1]’s classroom, inspiration suddenly hits me.)

Me: “Hey [Friend 1], I just remembered the first few lines!”

Friend 1: “Wait really? What is it?”

Me: *singing* “I loved being princess down in — this beautiful ocean blue.’”

Friend 1: *joins in* “But mermaids are going missing — they end up in someone’s stew.”

(We sing the entirety of Ariel’s segment again, earning a few weird looks from [Friend 1]’s classmates. As I’m leaving for my own class, I can’t resist throwing out one last remark.)

Me: “Get that stuck in your head instead, that might help!”

Friend 1: “Sure!”

(We ended up singing the entire song again halfway through lunch, then spent the rest of the lunch period singing various Disney songs. It was a nice way to end the first week back to school.)

A regular customer orders a pint but is 2p short. I let it slide since he is ways friendly and usually people leaving their change covers it.
The next day he comes in and orders a pint again.

Customer: Here’s £3.35 for the pint (gives me some coins) and 2p to make up for yesterday (gives me 2p with a flourish and a smile)
His honesty really madey night.

My partner and I have gone to a cafe for some food. I get up to go to the toilet and see a lady drinking out of a carton that’s not from the cafe (it’s obviously not been bought there as they don’t sell cartons of milk) . I mention it to my partner before leaving to go toilet.

Coming back I sit down in front of him and he laughs showing me something on his phone. I laugh at it as it was a meme and funny when the lady starts talking.

Lady: Don’t take photos of me.

we look at her confused as the phone was angled downward as well as the camera hidden by our two drink cans, my partner moves so she can see the screen and it’s still on the meme.

Me: (smiling trying to defuse the situation) See it’s not-

Lady:”I know you’re taking photos of me! You’ve been taking photos of me.

Me: We’ve not been taking photos of you.

People are starting to glance up and look at her and I now, I’m starting to feel embarrassed at the attention.

Lady: Racist B****

I’m shocked and starting to get annoyed when my partner shakes his head at me.

Partner: it’s not worth it, she’s obviously paranoid.

I sigh, annoyed and wanting to defend myself but knowing he’s right. Out of the corner of my eye I see her hiding herself from people, covering herself.

(After a long exhausting weekend, I’m in the shower. My boyfriend sneaks into the bathroom and places a sexy negligee next to the shower for me to put on. As I’m exiting the shower, he slips in the shower.
I see the negligee and decide to put it on. Underneath it are my boyfriends fresh boxer briefs. Feeling silly, I put them on under the negligee. I notice under the briefs a lace thong matching my negligee. Obviously, I’m meant to put it on with the negligee. So I put it on over the briefs, but under the negligee it’s not visible.
When my boyfriend has finished showering and opens the shower curtain, he sees me in the negligee and his face lightens up, just for it to go very dark again, when he sees the black boxer briefs underneath.
I put on my most innocent look.)
Me: What? Is something not right?
Him: …what…? *points at his briefs underneath my negligee with a very distasteful look*
Me: Well, you placed all that stuff for me to put on, right? And so I did.
(And with this I lift my negligee a little and reveal the red lace thong I’m wearing over his black boxer briefs. And it looks just as awfull as it sounds.
My boyfriends face turns to pure shock, absolute distain and then goes stone cold.
I start laughing at the looks on his face.)
Him: I … what… I can’t… I need another shower. I feel dirty just for looking at it.
(He turns around, closes the curtain and starts showering again.
At this point, I’ve completely lost it. I’m laughing so hard, I can barely stand and have tears in my eyes.
I calm down a little and have started changing out of his briefs and am putting the thong back on.)
Him from out of the shower: If this relationship has any meaning to you, please woman, put on the right underwear, I beg you. *thinking of a thread he can direct at me*
Him: …because I’ll put on whatever underwear is left!
Me: *squealing gleefully* oh yay! *start taking off the thong again in order for him to wear it*
Him: *realising what he’s done and that he completely lost this round* nonono NO! Please, ok you win! Just… don’t. *defeated* I love you?
Me: *mannical laughter*

(I’m still in training for cutting fabrics. I know enough to not need someone with me, but not enough to run the cut bar alone. A woman comes up with four-inch foam, which requires an electric saw to cut.)
Customer: I need two forty-inch pieces!
Me: Okay, let me get that for you!
(I go through what I was trained to do: measure the first piece, mark it, measure again, and then cut it. Somewhere along the lines, one piece was an inch longer. Before I can do anything, the woman throws her hands up.)
Customer: I’M IN A HURRY! *storms off*
(I stop for a second before tucking the foam away. The next customers come up and look dumbfounded.
Customer #2: Wow, someone needs to go back to bed. One yard, please!