(The shop I work at has a very concise, yet specific, contract that every costumer has to sign. It’s only a paragraph or so, but we still get costumers who try to argue policy.)

Me: *answering phone* Thank you for calling [bridal shop], this is [me], how may I assist you?

Bride: Yeah, I ordered a dress there a few days ago, and I’m having second thoughts. Is there any way I can put a hold on the dress or get my deposit back.

Me: Our policy is not to issue any returns or exchanges, but if the dress hasn’t gone into production yet, there may be something I can ask a manager to do. Let me check.

(I check the bride’s profile and see that she ordered the dress almost 3 days ago and has a production number.)

Me: Ok, so I see here that your dress has already gone into production, so unfortunately your order can’t be cancelled.

Bride: But I don’t know if I want the dress anymore!

Me: Let me grab my manager –

Bride: Never mind. I’ll deal with this myself. *hangs up*

(Several hours later, the phone rings again)

Me: Thank you for calling [bridal salon], this is [me]. How may I assist you?

Mother: Yes, my name is [bride’s mother], my daughter called here not too long ago about her dress. She only ordered it on Sunday, but the girl she spoke to said the dress couldn’t be refunded or cancelled because it was already processed. I’m sure that’s wrong – there’s no way it could be started that quickly.

Me: Yes, ma’am. I pulled up your daughter’s account, and her order has already been processed. I have a production number for her gown, which means the dress will be completed.

Mother: How much could have been done to it? I mean she only ordered it 2 days ago!

Me: Our dresses go into production after 24 hours. We’re the manufacturer and production team, which is how we keep our prices down and get the dresses to you a bit quicker.

Mother: So you just have fabric ROTTING and DISCOLORING in a factory somewhere?

Me: I assure you we produce a quality product ma’am.

Mother: My daughter is having second thoughts about her dress, and I want that dress held and my money returned.

Me: That’s not possible, ma’am. The contract you signed stated that we do not issue returns or exchanges for any reason. The dress is already in production; it will arrive in the store. What we can do is credit you the deposit you put down towards another dress. But we cannot return your money.

Mother: THIS IS AWFUL CUSTOMER SERVICE! GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK!

Me: *fed up* The store’s email is [email]. Please send in writing your request to cancel the dress. Have a nice day *hangs up*

American sweets are a bit of a novelty in England, a few shops and stalls have appeared in my city and I decide to take a look.

Customer: excuse me?

Shop staff: yes?

Customer: do you source all your stock from America?

(Typical American sweets fill the shelves there are American flags in the store and the shop is called American candy)

Staff: … yes miss.

Customer: do you just do sweets?

Staff: well yes, we do have some drinks aswell.

Customer: well that’s no good I need some savoury items.

Staff: well I’m sorry miss but as you can see…

Customer: (interrupting) I need some turkey, the barbecue one. Do you know the one I mean?

Staff: well no I only work the tills.

Customer: when can you have some in for me?

Staff: as I said I don’t actually decide what the shop sells.you would have to speak to the owner.

Customer: (clearly not listening) ok great, speak with him won’t you?! I will be in next week to pick it up.

Staff: but miss thats not how it works…

Customer: thank you (leaves).

I am the front desk manager at a hotel in a small, isolated Maritime city that happens to be a very popular tourist destination. We are several hours away from the next big city and as such hotel rooms are in very high demand here during the summer months. This story takes place earlier in the summer during a very busy period when we are completely sold out of rooms, like every other hotel in the area. We had been sold out at this point for the past several weeks and we don’t have any vacancies coming up for at least another couple weeks.
I get a call one night from my front desk employee telling me she has an irate customer at the front desk and she needs my help. I hear the lady screaming in the background so without asking for details, I throw on some clothes, hop in my car and rush over. I walk in and am greeted by a tirade of swear words coming from this tiny, well dressed woman. I approach her and introduce myself.
Me: Hello! I am the manager, I understand we have a problem
Customer: Damn right we have a problem! This b***h won’t give me my f***ing room! I paid for it months ago, I flew all the way out here, 12 hours on a crowded plane and all I want to do is sleep! This dumb excuse for an employee is telling me that I don’t have a reservation and that you don’t even have a room! I’ve got the F***ing confirmation right here!
She shoves a hand full of papers at me which I take and read.
Me: I see. Well I’m sorry to hear about this ma’am, let’s see if we can sort all this out.
Customer: I don’t wanna here “sort this out.” I want a f***ing room and I want it in the next 2 minutes. Understood? You c**t.
Me: first of all, you will watch your language otherwise I will have you escorted off the property. Second, according to the paper work you just handed me, your reservation was for last week.
Customer: What?!! F**k you! I booked that room for tonight for 3 days, you guys must have screwed this up somehow!
At this point I am behind the desk pulling up her reservation in the system. I see that her room was in fact booked through a 3rd party website which meant that she not only paid in full but that she herself would have selected the dates. I see that she was a no show and that the 3rd party company paid us the no show fee.
Me: Ma’am, I’m very sorry to tell you this but you did in fact book your room for last week and you were a no show. If this happened during the winter when things are slower I might be able to make you a deal on a new room but I don’t even have one to offer you at full price. We are booked solid tonight and every night until the end of the month. I’m terribly sorry ma’am.
Customer:…what. did. You. SAY?! F**K YOU! You are not telling me this! I don’t want to hear this right now.
Me: Ma’am I’m…
Customer: NO! You guys screwed this up, I didn’t make a mistake! I booked that room for tonight! You guys messed this up somehow and if you won’t give me a room then you will give me my money back so that I can take my business elsewhere.
Me: This reservation was pre-paid and non cancellable so even if I wanted to refund your no show fee I couldn’t. We weren’t the ones who took your money, (3rd party company) did and they are far less flexible than we are. I’m sorry but you were a no show, you lost your reservation and as much as I would love to help you there are simply no options here. There are only 4 hotels in this area and they are all fully booked. The next closest one is (town nearly 3 hours away) and I’m fairly certain they will be fully booked too.
Customer: Are you kidding me?! I’m not going all that way for a bloody hotel room! How would I even get there? I came by plane, I didn’t drive! You’re going to pay for my taxi to get to (other town)
Me: Again, I would love to help you but you made a mistake. You booked your room for the wrong day and you missed your reservation. You selected the dates yourself, you confirmed them before submitting your payment and you even had the confirmation printed on paper in your own hands. I’m sorry but we haven’t done anything wrong in this situation and as much as I would like to help you there is no compensation I can provide. If you want to go to (next town) for a room I can absolutely make the arrangements for travel and accommodation but it will be at your expense. Otherwise you are welcome to take a cot free of charge and spend the night in one of our empty conference rooms until you make other arrangements.
Customer: This is bulls**t! I have never had such terrible customer service in my entire life! I someone books a room you are supposed to have one set aside for them for when they get here!
Me: Again ma’am, we DID have a rooms et aside for you, LAST WEEK when you reserved it. You didn’t show up!
Customer: How is it my problem that you don’t have a room for me tonight, hmm? Explain that to me.
Me: YOU booked the room on line. YOU selected the dates. YOU had the confirmation in your hands. YOU made the mistake.
Customer: I didn’t make a mistake! The damn website wouldn’t let me book for today, I kept getting a stupid error message, something about the hotel being closed. I called and the guy who answered said you never closed and that this is a 24 hour establishment so it must have been a mistake on your end. I had no choice but to change the date to last weeks date because that was the only way it would let my reservation go through.
Me: So you acknowledge that you selected those dates then?
Customer: Yes! Because it wouldn’t let me book for tonight but the intention was to be here TONIGHT!
Me: Ok, first of all ma’am when you get a message that the hotel is closed, that means that we are sold out and have closed our online booking so that people can’t reserve rooms that we don’t have. If the site doesn’t let you book for a certain day it’s because you can’t. Booking for another day will only guarantee you a room for the day you booked. You chose dates for last week, that was when your room was booked for. If you try to book a flight for tomorrow and the flight is sold out, do you think you could book a flight for next week and still get on the plain tomorrow?
Customer: Well of course not, that would be stupid.
As she says this a look of realization crosses her face and she gets really red and starts to cry.
Customer: I’m an idiot. I’m here for an important business meeting, we could lose these clients if I don’t rock this meeting and that could cost me my job! I’m already on thin ice here…I can’t even take another room elsewhere, this was paid by the company and I’m on a budget. Can I just take that cot like you offered then?
Me: Absolutely ma’am, and again I am terribly sorry that you have to go through all this.
She ended up sleeping in the conference room and left the next day. She wasn’t able to find other accommodations and the 3rd party company was not willing to reimburse her. She told me the next morning before leaving that the meeting was cancelled since she had nowhere to stay and that she would most likely be demoted upon returning to work. I felt bad but I hope she learns a lesson. We may have been closed on line but we physically had a couple rooms left on the day she booked. If she had at least called we could have booker her that room directly at the hotel but she chose to take a short cut.

My father is our doing a promotion in a mall that involves him and a few friends wearing medieval amour. After the promotion they have to go to the fabric shop to pick up some fabric. As they are coming back down the escalator they hear this exchange from a coffee shop at the bottom of the escalator.
Customer: No! I am telling you! Yesterday the price said $3.15 and now you are charging me $3.85!
Assistant that just handed him his coffee: Sir, as I explained—
Customer: No! the price went up! You’re just trying to make me think I’m crazy and seeing things!
Here the customer turns around while taking a sip from his coffee. He sees my dad and friends approach the bottom of the escalator. The guy goes wide eyed, he misses his mouth with is coffee and pours it down his shirt.

A good part of my day involves trying to help customers login to their online accounts. This involves issuing a case sensitive temporary password that consists of letters and numbers. A lot of people have trouble with these (despite the fact we never include letters and numbers that could be confused, such as 0, o, O, 1, l or I.)
Me: now type in the password we emailed you, it is case sensitive.
Customer: it didn’t work!
Me: that’s ok, you can try again, remember you need to type the capital letters as capitals and the lower case as lower case.
Customer: oh, I didn’t do that.
They try again.
Customer: it still doesn’t work! The password must be wrong.
Me: I’ll reset the password, is it ok if I email it to myself and read it out? That seems to help some people, I’ll stay on the line until you can login and change it to your own password.
Customer: Oh, yes please!
Me: ok, here’s the new password. The first letter is a capital T for tango.
Customer: is that a big T or a small T?
Me: that’s a big T.
Customer: ok
Me: Now the number 2
Customer: is that a big 2 or a small 2?
Me: any 2…
Customer: are you sure?
Me: yes…
(this continues with every number, I cannot convince the customer that numbers don’t have capitals)