(I work in administration for a feedlot – raising cattle for beef – and while I’m not the main secretary, I do answer the phones when my coworker isn’t available to. My coworker has stepped away to use the rest room and the phone rings.)

Me: [Company Name}

Customer: [Coworker’s name]?

Me: No, this is [my name], [coworker] stepped away for a minute, can I take a message?

Customer: Oh, I must’ve called the wrong number.

Me: No, this is the right number, she’s just stepped away.

Customer: No, no I called the wrong number. *Hangs up*

Me:…

(I’m in high school on an out-of-state field trip. We stop for lunch on the final day of the trip and my friend and I finish early. We decide to walk to the gas station down the street so my friend can buy some candy for the remainder of the trip and I can try to find a souvenir that’s not fragile or grossly overpriced. Only two employees are working in the gas station, one in the back room and one behind the cash register. My friend buys her candy and waits for me outside while I look for a souvenir. I find one that I like and can afford and bring it to the counter. Keep in mind that everything said up until now has been in English and there is nothing about me or the cashier to indicate that either of us know Spanish at all.)

Cashier: “¡Hola! ¿Como estás?”

(I’m surprised, but decide to use what I’ve learned in the Spanish classes I’ve been taking, since I know enough to hold a basic conversation and have a good accent.)

Me: “Cansado. ¿Y tu?”

Cashier: *deer in the headlights look* “Oh sh**.”

(The employee in the back lost it laughing while I hurriedly explained that I actually did speak English and was taking Spanish as a second language. The cashier rang up my souvenir and just for kicks, I called out, “¡Adios!” as I was leaving. The guy in the back was still laughing at the cashier when I left. I wonder if he ever tried that again.)

(The chain I work for has the format of customers ordering from a catalogue and staff gather the order. I am sent to a different branch on short notice due to unforeseen circumstances and there only being two staff in the store. Owing to different shapes and sizes of store no two sites use the same layout.)

Customer: Get lost did you?

Me: Afraid so, I’m based in [my store] and am on loan for the day.

(The customer goes silent as I unload his goods)

Me: Have a lovely day!

Customer: *recovering* You too.

[Boss has turned in his notice and will be departing the company in 2 weeks time. MEANWHILE, the rest of us have to complete our self-evals as part of the year-end evaluation process. Boss has sent them back to all the members of the team due to scanty info, and has asked us to put in more detail. This all happens in Instant Messenger]

Me: More detail proviced

Boss: Thanks. our future manager will thank me.

Me: Yeah. I think I had grown complacent under your benevolent neglect.

…

Me: I MEAN THAT IN THE MOST POSITIVE WAY POSSIBLE

Boss: LOL

Me: I mean, whaddya gonna do, *fire* me? You’d have to stay on to process the termination!

Boss: Yes, unlikely.

My husband, one year old daughter and I are eating out for dinner. Our waitress has been great and my daughter has been interacting with her by saying hi and blowing kisses at her every time she comes to our table. One of the times she comes over my daughter is intrigued by her apron and the contents in it and tries to grab at it.

Me: (I reach over and gently stop my daughter from grabbing at the waitresses pens): “Daughter” it’s not polite to grab other people’s stuff. That doesn’t belong to us.

Waitress: (teasing) Oh she can have all the money in there. (Leans towards my daughter) Just don’t take my pens cutie!