(My cat is an indoors cat, which my stepmom hates. She wants him outside at all times even at night.)

Me: “But I saw a big owl outside, it’ll eat him!”

Stepmom: “So he gets eaten. The owl will get a nice meal.” *sees my shocked face* “Look I like animals, but they belong outside, and keeping them inside is interfering with nature. ”

Me: “Pet cats are domesticated, not wild.”

Stepmom: “They are wild animals and belong outside!”

(Luckily my dad sided with me and wouldn’t let her throw my cat out to get eaten by some laughing owl. And yes laugh, not all hoot.)

This happened quite a few years ago when I was a teenager replacing an alternator belt on my 1974 Oldsmobile. I realized that I needed 3 hands to replace it as the alternator needed to be tensioned with a pry bar, the bolt had to be held with a wrench and the nut needed to be turned with the socket. I asked my Mother to come out and help.

Mother: “What do I do?”

Me: “Just pull on the pry bar.”

Mother: “How hard do I need to pull?”

Me: “As hard as you can.”

Mother: “Won’t it break?”

Me: <laughing> “Don’t worry, there’s no way you could pull it hard enough to break that bolt.”

The head of the bolt snaps off and flies away from the car. Needless to say I am shocked. My Mother apologized but I started laughing and said;

Me: “That was amazing, I had no idea you were SuperMom!”

Took the boys to Hungry Jacks, today, while I car was being serviced.
I watched the cashier persistently play with her mask and touch her face in between serving people, taking their money and go being their change, getting their drinks together etc.
When my turn came I spoke, as gently and as nicely as I could,
Me: Can I suggest you change your gloves after touching your face and mask?”
To which she replied
Cashier: “Would you like anything else with that?”
Her supervisor sent her out the back.

One day some morons from my school had fun writing “wash it” several times with a pen on a table in a classroom.
The next day, (a Friday if I remember correctly), we had our first class of the day in this room. A cleaning agent and the cleaning supervisor knock on the door.
The French teacher: come in!
The cleaning agent : someone wrote “wash this” on the table over there yesterday. (she points to a table and goes to this table)
Cleaning agent: so it’s one of you!
Student 1: but no, it’s not us!
Student 2 (at another table): wait… yesterday?
Cleaning agent: yes, I’m the one cleaning the classrooms this week and there was nothing written on Wednesday after school!
Student 3 (at the same table as Student 1): so it can’t be us! We didn’t have classes in this room yesterday!
Cleaning supervisor : ah really ?
Cleaning agent (not listening to us and talking to the teacher) :and you have to supervise your students.
French teacher: it wasn’t me, I don’t work on Thursdays.
Cleaning agent: can we check that?
French teacher : yes, the schedule is here !
Indeed, in my school, the schedule of each room was posted in the room in question.
Cleaning supervisor: indeed [French teacher] was not in this room yesterday and this class was not in this room either.
Cleaning agent: but who is it then?
Cleaning supervisor (showing the Thursday column on the planning board) : one of these classes, but we have to find out in which room are the teachers or the classes who were in this room yesterday and were hoping that some teachers saw something, it seems complicated to me (turning to the two students wrongly accused) : sorry !
They go out
Student 2: clearly the students who wrote this are assholes but she really thought that our 27 hours of classes by week were 27 hours of French?

(My mother is setting up a doctor’s appointment for me. The office is small enough that all of the staff are at least somewhat familiar with every patient. I have literally never acted my age and my family likes to joke that I’m secretly an old lady.)

Mom: “You know she’s just a month shy of eighteen. Should I come in with her?”

Receptionist: “Nah, she’ll be fine. She’s been forty since forever anyway.”