My manager and I had been working together for at least an hour with no customers so when I see a customer going through some tables of stock while carrying one of our plastic bags I get a little suspicious.

Me *whispering “(Manager) have you served anyone recently?”

Manager “No, why?”

Me “It’s just that lady has one of our bags, I know I haven’t served her and I’m sure you haven’t served anybody.”

Manager “I will go and talk to her”

I can hear most of the conversation

Manager “Hello, do you have something you need to return?”

Customer “No, why do you ask?”

Manager “It’s just that you are carrying one of our bags, I thought you might have something to return and I was going to ask if you could leave it at the front counter while you shopped”

Customer “No it’s nothing, the bag’s empty”

Manager “Empty?” *the base of the bag was opened out so it looked like there was something in it, our bags are usually flat “Do you mind if I look?” *customer shows her the inside “Ok but I can’t let you carry this bag with you, I’ll leave it at the front counter for you”

Customer “But I need that to carry things in”

Manager “It’s ok, I’ll get you one of our shopping baskets, that’s what they are there for” *she takes the bag to the counter and brings back a basket. “If you want to reuse the bag I’ll use it to bag up your purchases”.

The manager stays at the counter until after she serves the customer and waits until she’s out the door.

Manager “(My Name) good catch. That bag was empty except for one thing, a receipt for one of our sheet sets” *The table the woman was at was for those sheets.

Me “Really?”

Manager “Yes, it was obvious what she was up to, either to steal a set or to get us to refund a set. She must have felt guilty because I just got blasted by her for accusing her of stealing and that she’s going to report me to head office”.

Me “I heard the whole conversation, you didn’t accuse her of anything. You need to report this and I’ll back you up.”

We were sorting and relaying a section at a supermarket, my co-workers have gone off on a break while I continue working, we are reps and don’t actually work for the retailer. A customer has come up to me to ask for a specific item, she shows me a picture.

Me “I don’t think I’ve seen that one” *I help her look but don’t we don’t find it.

Customer “Well can you look it up for me? My friend said I could get it here”

Me “I don’t actually work here” *pointing to my visitor name tag “I’m sure if you go to a staff member they can help you” *points to the service desk that is only about 4 metres away.

Customer “Do you know how much it is”

Me “No sorry I don’t”

The customer decides she will look for her self and takes her arm to push a whole shelf of stock across, so she can look behind.

Me “Uh those were sorted, everything was in order, what’s behind them is the same as the front”

Customer “What I’m looking is the same brand but it’s got a pink lid”

Me “Those have all got green lids”

Customer “Oh yeah they do too”. *walks off.

A customer has called up to complain as he had just received his order, but some of the information on the manufacturer’s packaging did not match what he saw on the website. The product in question is a very popular product, so I am surprised that some of the vital information would be wrong on our website, as someone else really should have noticed it long before now.

Me: Ok, I am looking at your order now. So just to confirm, this was [product] by [brand], and your packaging says that this is a [type 1] product, but you thought it would be [type 2], correct?

Customer: Yeah. I mean, if your website says one thing and the packaging says another, which do I trust?

Me: I would go by the packaging, as it is more likely to have been a human error when creating the product page… Sorry, just to double check, the packaging says [type 1]?

Customer: Yeah

Me: I’m looking at our website now, and it definitely says [type 1]. We haven’t made any changes to this page for over 3 months, so you may have just mis-read it before purchase.

Customer: Don’t you f*****g lie to me. I am on your website right now, and it clearly says that this product is [type 2].

Me: *somewhat confused* You are looking at [product and brand]?

Customer: YES.

Me: The page I am on clearly states [type 1]. Could you please read out for me the address of the page you are on as I need to be sure that we are looking at the same thing?

Customer: www.[competitor] .co.uk slash…

Me: Ah, I think I see the problem here. You are currently looking at [competitor’s] website. We are [company].

Customer: Right, but I purchased it from [competitor].

Me: No, you purchased it from us.

Customer: No I didn’t.

Me: Yes, you did. I have your order in front of me with [reads off other items on the order]. You placed your order on [date and time] and if you check your packing slip in your package, it will confirm that it was from us.

Customer: So if I placed the order through [competitor], why have you sent my order? Did you steal my order from them or something?

Me: You didn’t place your order through them, you placed it through us. We have no connection to [competitor] what so ever, so we do not do any orders on their behalf.

Customer: Then why the **** have you sent me my order if I placed the order through [competitor]?

Me: Maybe you had both websites open at the same time and ordered from us by mistake?

Customer: I don’t think so. I know that I ordered through [competitor] and not you. Anyway, what are you going to do about [item] as your website was wrong.

Me: In this case, it was [competitor] who was wrong, rather than us, but if it has not been opened yet and is still in the sealed packing, you can return it for either a refund or exchange as we have some [type 2] products that are the same price.

Customer: I don’t want the hassle of returning this as the wrong website information wasn’t my fault. Can you get someone to pick it up?

Me: No, that is not a service we offer, especially as we are not at fault here. It would need to be returned to us through Royal Mail or a courier and I would recommend sending it tracked.

Customer: I don’t see why I need to go out of my way to send this back to you. I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to call [competitor] and tell them about this, and I know that they will sort this out for me free of charge! *click*

I run a custom tailoring business out of my home. One client was really excited about an outfit I made for a friend and wants one exactly like it. The conversation goes like this:

Client: Hi, I really like the [outfit] you made for [mutual friend]. How much would it be and when can you have it done?
Me: Oh, it will be [price range]. But I’m unfortunately pretty booked right now since it’s show season. The earliest I can start on it is [date]. If that’s okay, I’ll send you the measurement chart to fill out so I can calculate your deposit.

(Hear nothing for a few months and figure she didn’t want it after all. Then…)

Client: Hi, I’m still interested in that outfit. Do you have a spot in your schedule now?
Me: Sorry, I’m still rather booked. But a deposit will secure your spot in my current schedule and I’ll check in with you before I start work on the outfit to make sure you’re still committed.

(Lather, rinse, repeat for about a year. The client asks about the outfit, I tell her what my schedule looks like, and she disappears when I mention paying a deposit. Fast forward to the following year, when I am knee-deep in a complicated, expensive commission.)

Client: I want this outfit NOW. My due date is [two months from now] and you BETTER have it done by then.
Me: Okay, look. I have two projects ahead of you. I can postpone one of them to accommodate you. If you send me a deposit by the end of the week, I’ll buy the materials and start work as soon as I finish the other project. I’ll do my best to meet your due date, but I can’t guarantee it.
Client: What if I pay you more for a rush job? I really want the outfit for this show and I already told all my friends!
Me: I’m sorry, but my policies already state that I don’t do rush jobs. And my other client has been waiting on her outfit for a year after paying in full. It’s not fair to her to drop her project to do yours. I’m just being honest about what your expectations are.
Client: Fine. Send me the measurement chart.

I send her the measurement chart and she disappears again. Haven’t heard from her since.

Like most convenience stores, we had a penny dish so that customers that were short a few cents or didn’t want to break a big bill could use it. People that received change of a penny or a few cents would donate to the penny dish. One day one of my regular customers was counting the change he was putting in the dish.

Me: What are you counting for?
Customer: I keep track of was I put in and what I take out. Right now I have a balance of $1.34 in the dish.
Me: Oh! (I roll my eyes as I glance at the 8 pennies in the dish).