Unfiltered Story #105908

, , | Unfiltered | February 17, 2018

(This is with my Kindergarten class.)

Student: Ms Teacher! I’m about to have a baby! A little baby girl!

Unfiltered Story #105906

, , | Unfiltered | February 17, 2018

I get a phone call from my daughter’s school.

Caller: Mr. [Name]. We believe your daughter may have been in a fight at school. However she is refusing to say anything. We you mind coming along to get this sorted.

Me: My wife works closer to school, I’ll call her. Why do you think she was in a fight?

Caller: She came into her English lesson with a nosebleed.

Me: She gets those from time to time.

Caller: We believe she was in a fight.

Me: Was there anything else to suggest she was?

Caller: She came into her lesson with a nosebleed.

Me: Yes, I know that. What else?

Caller: That’s it.

Me: And you say she said nothing?

Caller: That she had a nosebleed.

Me: So, my daughter came into her lesson, with a nosebleed, said it was a nosebleed, and there was nothing else to suggest she was in a fight.

Caller: She had a nosebleed.

Me: I’m curious, can you check my daughter’s record, as we requested that her frequent nosebleeds be noted down?

Caller: Yes, it’s here. I had to pull up her record to get your phone number.

Me: And you still think she was in a fight?

Caller: Yes.

I give in and call my wife. When I get home that evening, she’s having an argument on the phone.

Wife: I don’t care. I don’t want someone like that at my daughter’s school! A cabbage would be smarter than her!

Daughter: *whispering to me* We all call her cabbage after she photocopied an entire book without collating it.

After she hung up, my wife refused to tell me what happened at school, saying she’d already lost enough brain cells, and sadly my daughter wasn’t in the room at that point, so I may never find out.

Unfiltered Story #105904

, | Unfiltered | February 17, 2018

This occurred in a beginner level Spanish classroom. Even though this is most students’ first experience with learning another language than US English, the class is encouraged to discuss topics entirely in Spanish as much as possible. The lesson of the day, a Monday morning, is to do with descriptions of events, and deeper responses to ‘How are you?’ type conversation starters, beyond the typical ‘I’m well, thanks, how are you?’

Our Teacher (Profesora): Quien puede decir como fue su fin de semana?
(Who can tell how their weekend went?)

A student, calling himself ‘Patricio’ as we’ve each chosen a Spanish name, volunteers.

Patricio: Este fin de semana no fue bien, porque mi papa esta enfermo.
(This weekend did not go well, because my Dad is sick.) At least, this is what he tries to say, however:

Profesora: Your potato is sick?

The class shares a laugh and Patricio turns an embarrassed pink shade as the teacher takes this opportunity to explain the importance of certain punctuations, specifically the accent, indicating emphasis.

Patricio, trying for papá (father) instead emphasizing the first syllable (PA-pa), has accidentally called his father a potato.

Unfiltered Story #105876

, | Unfiltered | February 16, 2018

(I’m sitting at the front desk, reading a very important email from corporate. This… gentleman comes in and stands by the desk for a bare second before BANGING on the desk to get my attention. Cue immediate and all-consuming, barely-contained anger.)

Me: *eye-twitch* “Yes, can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to talk to someone who runs the place about possibly moving my wife in here.”

Me: *dripping with immensely fake sweetness* “Oh I’m SORRY, sir, but everyone’s in a meeting right now.”

Customer: “Oh. Is [Coworker] here?”

Me: “Yes… she’s in the meeting.”

Customer: “Okay, how about [Other Coworker]?”

Me: “She’s here… in the meeting.”

Customer: “What about [Boss]?”

Me: “In the meeting…”

Customer: *finally catching on* “Alright then. I’ll call again later.”

Me: “Sounds great. Bye!”

(I spent the next 10 minutes with my eye twitching, trying to calm down. I will never understand why I am such a moron-magnet.)

Unfiltered Story #105871

, , , | Unfiltered | February 16, 2018

(My father and I went out for lunch one day at a popular Canadian coffee chain. After sitting down to eat and unwrapping my sandwich I discovered a slight error and went up to the register to have it corrected.)

Me: “Hi, I ordered a turkey club, but this has no turkey in it.”

(The poor cashier had a look of complete confusion, but they were nice enough to correct their error. It ended up being a really good sandwich, especially with the turkey in it!)

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