Somewhat paraphrased, as this happened well over a decade ago. I have difficulty with social behaviors at the time of this story, but I am well aware of it. As such, when I am sent to a job placement agency, I tell them I’m aiming for a clerical or data entry position, anything that I can easily develop a “script” to work off when talking to others. They give me a few standard tests, all of them weirdly simple despite how time-consuming they are. After turning them in, I wait for my assigned counselor to look them over. When he comes out to speak to me, he looks utterly baffled.

Counseler: “Why do you want to be a secretary when you could be a doctor?”
Me: *shocked* “I can barely stand the thought of holding a job where I need to oversee other employees, I don’t want to be responsible for people’s LIVES! I’d never be able to afford medical school anyway!”
Counselor: “Ah. Yeah, that makes sense. I’ll see what I can find for you.”

I guess the tests were meant to be difficult after all, but even with high scores I know I’d never be able to handle the responsibility and stress of a medical career. While my social skills and self-confidence are much better these days, I still prefer jobs where I have a script to work off. Thankfully I’m currently in a job where I have a broad one and a good sense of when it’s okay to veer from it, and I even accepted the management position that was offered to me.

(My mother has been dating her boyfriend for a few years. His sister has trouble remembering names and calls my mom Donna, which is not her name. This is one of the more hilarious moments that occurred inst speaker phone.)

Boyfriend’s sister: So tell me, how’s Donna?

(My mother starts laughing at this)

Boyfriend: You mean (mom’s name)?

Boyfriend’s sister: No, Donna.

Boyfriend: Its (mom’s name) and you’re getting me in trouble right now.

(My mom is still laughing at this point. My brother and I, who tower over him, get along side and ask “whose Donna?” Which finally gets him laughing.)

I was waiting on a call regarding a doctor’s appointment that had been scheduled, but I didn’t think I needed it since I was under the impression that everything had already been taken care of at my last appointment.

[Phone rings.]
Me: Hello.
Receptionist: Hello!
…silence…
Me: Hello?
Receptionist: Hello.
…silence…
Receptionist: I was calling to update you on your appointment…

The rest of the call went mostly normal, but I don’t know if she expected some other greeting besides saying “hello” when you answer a personal phone call. (They had put my last appointment’s information into their system incorrectly though, so I did not have to go for another appointment.)

My friend confessed to having feelings for me. Unfortunately, I don’t feel the same way. He asked if we could still be friends. I said I didn’t have a problem with that, as long as he was okay with just being friends. He said he was. I should have known better. Things have definitely been awkward between us, but I’m trying my best to act like nothing has changed. After all, we’ve been friends for years. He then decided he’d like to take some space and not talk for a while. I was sad but I agreed. I did my best not to text him unless he did so first or I had something important to tell him.
One day, maybe two weeks later, he texted me:

Him: We need to talk.
Me: What’s up?
Him: I’ve been trying to find a way to say this without hurting your feelings but I’m afraid I have to.
Me: Okay…
Him: I feel like you’ve been avoiding me and it’s pretty hurtful.
Me: Um…no?
Him: But you have. We don’t really talk as much, and it’s weird. I don’t like it.
Me: I’m just doing what you asked.
Him: I didn’t ask you to ignore me.
Me: YOU decided not to be as close as we were. YOU wanted time and space. I gave you what you wanted and now you’re mad at me?
Him: I knew telling you how I felt was a bad idea. Can we please just go back to the way things were?
Me: I don’t know. You didn’t like it when we were talking. You didn’t like it when we weren’t talking. I don’t know what to do.
Him: Please just stop ignoring me.
Me: I’m not ignoring you!
Him: Okay. I can see you’re upset with me. I’ll go. Bye.

We’ve talked a few times since this conversation, but the chats are strained and minimal. I miss my friend but I don’t know where I went wrong and I don’t know how to fix it.

Coworker, answering the phone: Good morning, thank you for calling [office supply warehouse]. I’m [name]; how can I direct your call?

Customer: [unintelligible to my eavesdropping]

Coworker: …No, we’re… we’re Factory Express. I think you have the wrong number.

Customer: [something I can’t hear]

Coworker: We sell office machines like laminators, shredders, paper folders, etc.

Customer: [more unhearable words]

Coworker: We’re actually in [city], New Mexico.

Customer: But aren’t you at ###-###-####?

Coworker: Let me check the number for you, sir.

(We work at a business that is under new ownership trying to recover from the massive amounts of fraud the previous owners committed. This man has actually called one of the side business numbers. It’s not a legitimate business, and we actually have no idea what the number is or how people get a hold of it, but we keep getting calls to it, though most are spam.)

Customer: …Well, maybe I do have the wrong number. Thanks, bye.

Coworker, turning to me: …He wanted… to order biscuits… over the phone. He’s in Iowa! What man in Iowa is sitting there trying to order biscuits over the phone from New Mexico!? Who does that!?

Me: *dying of laughter and suddenly hungry*