(The large retail store I work at has been hiring a lot of new people to fill in holes in our expanding business and for the season. Some if them…aren’t that bright.)

New Coworker: “Hey, [Team Lead] asked me to fill the ice cooler. Where do we keep it?”

Me: (Thinking, there’s no way this is an honest question) “Guess.”

New Coworker: *thinks for a second* “Uh…the meat cooler?”

Me *facepalms* “Really? It would defrost in there. Try the walk in freezer.”

(And he wandered off, confused.)

(I’ve just gotten some lunch and am heading to my next class. I walk into the building and head towards the stairs. Suddenly a woman runs up and grabs me by the arm quite forcefully.)

Woman: “Excuse me! What do you think you’re doing?”

Me: “I’m going to class.”

Woman: “What makes you think you can come in here? We haven’t given the all-clear yet. It’s very dangerous for anyone to be in here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

Woman: “You can’t just walk into a building after a fire alarm goes off. All students were told to go to the designated area. You can’t just assume it’s okay and wonder back in.”

Me: “What fire alarm? I just got here and I didn’t hear one.”

Woman: “Well it’s stopped now, but you have to be given the all clear before you can come in. Now get out of here.”

(I turn around and walk away. As I do, I notice another student entering through a different door. The woman sees him too and angrily races to meet him.)

Woman: “Excuse me! What do you think you’re doing?”

(I was more than a bit worried about how easily I had been allowed to walk through the door of a potentially burning building with no warning.)

I work at a pharmacy, and this happens far more often then it should, but today, I just had enough.

Caller: I’m calling to see if the doctor called in my dad’s pain medication. His name is (name) and his birthday is (birthday)

Me: I see on his profile that we received a prescription, but it was put on hold. Give me just a second to see if I can see why.

It takes me just a few seconds to see the problem.

Me: Okay, I see the issue, it seems like its too soon to fill this medication. Because its a controlled substance we can only fill it one day before it runs out. We can fill this medication in two days.

Caller: But the doctor said he can take it as needed! How can you say he can’t get it if the doctor wrote it! He needs it! He’s out!

Me: The doctor wrote for him to take it every 6 hours, he can’t take more than that. ‘As needed’ means he doesn’t have to take it if he doesn’t need it, but he can’t take more than what the doctor wrote. If he needs it more than that he needs to talk to the doctor about changing it. As it is, we can fill it in two days.

Caller: (rather meekly) okay. (Hangs up)

I didn’t get in trouble, but I may have gone too far.

(This is an e-mail from a prospective student, by his own words from Kenya, to a well-known european university).

<b>Applicant: </b> Dear sir/madam I myself Am receive for ur massage (we had not sent any “massages or messages to this email) concerning for scholar sheep. I Am myself have conplated highly in Kenya so I myself Am requesting to get for ur university kindly assist and guide me and sheep. Myself Am I bright nad myself is I Am prefect in England language. You admit me myself Am happy. And myself scholar sheep have.

Oh god.. how to answer to a question which concerns mostly “sheep”…

*A couple of coworkers and I are working on getting a DND campaign going. I’d been having trouble figuring some of my stats so I’ve been chatting with the DM*

DM: I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s supposed to be. If not, we can update when I get back.

Me: Sounds good. I’m not too worried

DM: OH! [Spouse] is joining! She’s going to be a halfling barbarian!

Me: Ooh fun, barbarian! What’s the other half going to be?

DM: …

Me: WAIT! I figured it out.

DM: Think barbarian hobbit

Me: I know…it just took me a minute to get there.

DM: Lol