I’m a customer in this story, at a budget grocery store known for its carts that you deposit a quarter in. I typically only go to this store once a month or so, so my cart is overflowing with items. I see a couple of customers come up with just a handful of items, so I let them go in front of me because I know it will be a bit of a wait. I then start loading my groceries. About halfway through my cart, an older man gets into the line, acting odd and speaking very loudly, claiming that some kids had jumped him in the parking lot. An older woman asks if he called the police or not and he starts going on a tirade about how the police are a conspiracy and the fact that there’s only the one checkout counter open. He’s only third in line, after myself and the older woman. I look up at him, and he’s twitching oddly, so I’m assuming that he’s possibly under the influence of something, and debate on whether I should slow down to a crawl, but there are other people in line other than him, and it’s not fair to them.
He keeps going off, stating right-wing conspiracy theories, and I’ve about had it. So, I lose it at him in the most polite manner possible.
“Sir, if you’d been just a minute faster getting here, I would have let you go in front of me, like I had the other people who came up with only a couple of items. So, if you please, be quiet, I don’t need your negativity in my life right now.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say to him, so he starts yelling about the kids who supposedly attacked him and how it’s all a conspiracy to keep him in the store so they can regroup and get him on his way out the door. I shake my head and keep unloading my groceries as other customers tell him things along the lines of what I said “We don’t want to hear your complaints” and the like. I finally fully lose it.
“Sir, will you kindly shut the fuck up? None of us want to hear this. So, be quiet and leave us in peace or leave the store. I already told you I would have let you go ahead, but you didn’t get here until I was half unloaded. If you were a little faster, you’d be gone by now. It is not the cashier’s fault that I get a lot of groceries when I come here, or that magically everyone in the store decided they were finished when I was. So be quiet or leave. Those are your two choices.”
He’s quiet (well, quieter, talking to himself while I and the lady after me are checked out by the cashier) until his turn to check out comes up, and he gets into another tizzy, spouting stupid claims that have no basis in reality (like Trump would fix stuff like this, like the president knows how checkout lines work, since the man thinks you need to show an ID to buy groceries). After the man leaves, I go to apologize to the cashier for my outburst. He says it’s okay, that my first statement was right and enough for him.
I do have to say, though, that after years of working in retail, being able to yell at an idiot over something that the staff can’t control was lovely.

*I’m shopping with my husband, and we realize that something we need is in the aisle over. I send him over to grab it while I keep shopping in the current aisle. I’m not fully paying attention but I hear the following*

Girl: “Do you know where (item is)?”

Man: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

Girl: “Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”

*I laugh, thinking that it’s just like Not Always Right. My husband comes back over.*

Husband: “A girl just asked me where something was! I’m in a winter jacket and boots!”

Me: “Wait! That was you?!”

Husband: “You heard it?”

Me: “Yeah, but I didn’t realize she was talking to you!”

Husband: “At least she was nice about it.”

*We did bump into the girl again, and we all laughed it off.*

(I’ve had a cold for about three weeks, and in overly stubborn so I don’t go to the doctor often. Unless it’s something serious, like a persistent cough that causes vomiting with how violent it is. So, I’m sitting on the table, talking to my doctor about my cough.)
Doctor: Is there any wheezing?
Me: Only when I laugh.
(It took her a second to realize what I said, before we both started laughing, with me wheezing. Which is how I regularly laugh.
Turned out I had a bacterial infection in my lungs that, after recovering, now requires an inhaler during cold weather.)

(I am the customer at a cafe. There is no service at the table, everything has to be ordered at the counter. Pastries and cakes are not displayed out, instead there is a printed menu that customers have to browse, while hovering next to the counter, as they only have one copy. Me and cashier are both native speakers and local, there is no language barrier involved.)
Me (Looking at a long list of pastries): “I’m sorry, are all these pastries available or just some of them?”
Cashier, rudely: “Just look at the menu.”
Me: “Could I have a coffee and a danish, please?”
Cashier replies rudely: “We’re out of danish!”
Me: “A strawberry jam cake, please?”
Cashier: “We’re out!”
Me: “A cheesecake?”
Cashier: “Also out!”
Me: “But, what do you have?”
Cashier: “Look at the menu!”
(I finally found a pastry that was available. The reason I was so patient was because the cafe was famous for its pastries, and it really was delicious. Still didn’t excuse the service quality, though.)

I am a new ATM repair tech on probation. I get sent to fix a jam at a clients machine at a sub-branch inside a larger retail store. To access the inside, we need to shut off the security system. Being on probation, I have not been given access to the database of codes and therefore have to call my lead tech to get the code. When he looks this specific device up, he can’t find it.

Lead: Contact [Bank Support] and have them put the alarm in test. Give them [password] so they know you’re legit.

I call support and they transfer me to the security group. I explain what I am calling for and ask that they place the alarm in test mode.

Security: Ok, what’s the ATM number?

Me: [number]

Security: Alright, and do you know he company password?

Me: [password]

Security: Great, and do you have the alarm code?

Me: No, that’s why I am asking you to put it in test mode.

Security: Well, without he code and the password, we can’t put it into test. So what is the code?

Me: I don’t know. If I had it, I would be able to enter it to shut off the alarm and not need to call you.

Security: But you need to give me the code and password so we can put it in test.

Rinse and repeat for 10 minutes. Finally, I’ve had enough and hang up. I guess no one will be getting any money from there until we can get the proper access code.