Yeah, I’m the moron in this story.
I’m cashing a check from my mom, so that I can by a few necessities for my grandmother. The teller asks me for ID, so I’m digging in my wallet for my driver’s license, which doesn’t come up right away. (Please bear in mind that I hadn’t had coffee, and that my sense of humor is rather twisted.)
Finally, I see the card and pull it out for her.
“Yay,” I say sarcastically, “no one has to die.”
I freeze in horror, and see the curious look on the teller’s face.
“I am SO sorry, many brain isn’t working today. That was a joke, and not directed at you.”
Thank God, she laughs and processes the check. As she hands over the cash, I say:
“Thank you for having a sense of humor… And for not calling the police.”
She smiles and says, “Have a good day, don’t be too hard on yourself. “

*before we begin, just a little bit about me and where I work. I am a 20 year old female who works at a tanning company. All of the employees who work here are female with a client ratio of about 80% women and 20% men. You’ll see why this is important later.*

My day started out like any other. Woke up, took a shower, got ready for work and left. A few hours into a work and this older guy, aged 64, comes in and gets a tan. I’ve seen this guy before and know his routine pretty well. He comes in, says hi, gets Putin the system we have, goes to tan, uses the bathroom, and then he leaves with a polite smile and a wave of his hand.

Today, same thing. He came, tanned, used the bathroom, and left. I smiled and waved back to him as he was a really nice older man.

I had to go to the bathroom after he left, so I got up after making sure nobody else was coming in, as I was the only one working (we only have one person per shift). I walk back and started to smell something foul.

When I walked in and turned on the lights my nose was hit with such a bad smell and my eyes saw worse. He had managed to flip the seat up, pee everywhere (toilet, floor, and the wall), and had put white stuff on the railings that was behind and next to the toilet.

I sigh and go to grab the mop, having to now hold my full bladder, and begin to mop the floor, followed by wiping and scrubbing everything down, and have to clean the toilet.

That wasn’t all though, the smell continued. I kept thinking to myself that I got it all, I was so wrong. Instead of doing a #2 in the toilet, he did it in the trash can. I started trying not to puke or cough, as I was on the verge of having to pee, and coughing can sometimes trigger release. I grab the trashcan and thankfully there’s a door leading to outside next to the bathroom, I open the door and set it outside, quickly used the bathroom and scrubbed my hands til they were red.

I swear, I’m not a mean person. I don’t like bad mouthing other people, especially if I don’t know them in my personal life. That guy however, took the cake. I internally screamed and starting cussing below my breath, had to call the owner (manager was out of town) to let her know what happened. The owner felt for me, but sadly I couldn’t leave early as no one was here to take my shift.

After I got off the phone with him, a girl I knew walked in and I told her the story of what happened.

Friend: “Wow. I mean understand he’s old, but to walk out with a smile and wave like he didn’t do anything? If you don’t know how to at least tell someone that happened, you shouldn’t be using it.”

Same man, walked in a few hours later and told me, but I had told him that I had already cleaned it up and the owner was made aware of what happened. He tried to blame me and other customers for holding up the bathroom. I told him he was the first person I had seen today and that I used it after him as I try to keep the bathroom clean and unused for customers who come in in the morning.

He kept trying to yell at me about it, so I told him and made him aware that we have a camera pointing to that back area where the bathroom is, you don’t see into the bathroom, but you can definitely see the people who enter and exit that area.

His face went pale and he started to apologize. I stopped him and told him to leave before I called the police. Friend was filming everything. Called the police after he left and showed them the recording of. Thankfully, in order to make an account with us, you have to give us your information. 😁 let’s just say, he won’t be allowed back for a while.

My husband and I have hopped onto the 16th Street Mall shuttle in downtown Denver. It stops at every block, Somehow, the programmed announcements on this particular bus have gotten out of whack with the stops.

After we boarded, the doors closed and the bus proceeded toward the the next stop. About half-way up the block the female-voice announcement said, “The doors are closing.” I absent-mindedly said, “Really; you just figured that out?” A couple of people chuckled. The same delay occurred after the next stop, and more people laughed. Then someones said, “She’s high!” and someone else chimes in, “No, stoned!” “Next she’s going to be hitting everyone up wanting cookies,” said another rider. People exited at each stop and others got on, only to be caught up in the fun. By the time we exited several blocks later, the bus was filled with laughter.

The return ride later that evening (with announcements at the right time) was pretty boring in comparison.

While looking for something else entirely, I found a product called “The Sarcastic Nine Ball.” It functions just like the classic “Magic Eight Ball” that you ask a question and turn it over and a random message is revealed that is supposed to be the answer to your question. It’s purely silly, but I don’t think there is anyone who grew up in the USA who hasn’t played with one. If, for some reason, you’ve lived under a rock and never tried one, it’s just a sphere filled with liquid and an icosahedron with text on it is inside. There is a circular window on one side and if you rotate the sphere so the window is up, the icosahedron floats to the top and one face presses against the window and you can read the text.

But the Sarcastic 9 Ball looks like a 9 ball and instead of an 8 ball and the messages are all snarky, cynical and sarcastic. Things like “Whatever!” Apparently one of the sides reads something like “Low Battery” and tells you to replace the battery. Now, if you didn’t believe people could do so many of the things labeled “EXTRA STUPID” on this site, this is your chance to see it for yourself. For that product, there are two reviews (one rated as the best negative review) that give 1-star and complain that it reported low battery and that there was no way to replace the batteries.

Yup. There are people that stupid.

While bringing me a glass of water, my mom starts telling me about some article she read recently about a Holocaust museum in Seattle. Generally, I’m interested in Jewish history, but today I’m distracted and only lend half an ear to what she’s saying. I take the water and am halfway through a drink when her story gets to this line:

Mom: And the article said that they want us to donate–

I almost let that line past, then my somewhat morbid sense of humor catches up with me and I nearly choke on my water.

Mom (barely hesitating): No, we’re not donating body parts.

Me (once I can speak): You knew where I was going with that! Thank you!

Mom (shaking her head): My daughter….