During my senior year of high school, I took an AP (Advanced Placement, aka college level) Biology course. The teacher for this course had some issues with his knees, and as a result had to have surgery. He got surgery twice, once for each knee, and as a result was out for a couple weeks each time to recover. This means that we had to get a long-term sub each time. The substitute teacher we got for his first surgery was…interesting.

Because I was rather trusting of teachers, had been very interested in learning about animals as a kid, and he was a friendly guy, I didn’t notice very much myself. I didn’t mind doing the packets he assigned, even though they were different from the work the regular teacher usually assigned, and I certainly didn’t object to more viewing of documentaries. The only thing I remember objecting to was the occasional conspiracy theories he brought up in class. In particular I was very annoyed by his being wrong about the definition of “iodized salt” (he was talking about how iodine is good for the brain and helps you think critically, which is why salt supposedly has this element removed so we don’t question things). I wasn’t annoyed exactly about the theory, just his getting the definition wrong. Yeah…paying attention to my surroundings is a skill I’ve tried to improve at since.

After our regular teacher returned, that was when I was made aware of how bad things really were. I had noticed the work packets taught more basic stuff than usual, but it hadn’t occurred to me that that was a problem. The regular teacher said that he had set aside specific work for us to do, the substitute hadn’t used it, and instead had given us work suited for a lower grade level. The other students complained about this because it meant they wouldn’t know the stuff they needed for the AP test. The other students had several other complaints about the quality of his teaching; the sub had not used the regular teacher’s teaching materials either, and about a week before the regular teacher returned the sub had said that, being low on actual assignments to grade us by, he would instead grade us by the notes we’d taken on some recent material. For whatever reason we did hand in our notes, and none of us ever got them back. This made the class quite angry about being underprepared for the test.

Our regular teacher did some investigating, and discovered some altered files on his account. He promptly changed every password he had just in case. He also mentioned that the sub had been reported and the school was launching an investigation, which resulted in the discovery that the sub was taking a biology class of his own on the side. That’s why he wanted our notes, and we definitely weren’t getting them back. The school probably wasn’t focusing on that, being much more concerned with the fact that he’d been “teaching” our class for less time than he had reported to them, and therefore had been paid more than he actually earned. Our regular teacher did not find out if they got their money back or how.

Thankfully, the situation improved. The sketchy sub was NOT considered by the school district by the time our teacher’s second surgery came around in the spring, so we got a much nicer lady who actually used the provided materials. She kept us on the track our regular teacher had established so by the time of our AP test we were adequately prepared. That guy won’t be considered as a substitute teacher by ANY school district around (probably), and I hope this taught my school district to take more care in vetting their potential subs and not hire one just because he happened to have a degree in biology. Remember this: random conspiracy theories are BAD SIGNS, and don’t hesitate to complain should something be very wrong in a class you have.

*My department manager, lately, has been getting on the nerves of me and everybody in our department. Aside from being picky about exactly how things are done, she never believes us when we try to explain to her about a situation. One day our rotisserie broke and she blamed us saying we just don’t want to work with the chickens. However, that’s not what I’m more upset about… Our department has two halves, hot foods closes at 8, the deli at 10. I usually close hot foods, so someone is still in the deli when I clock out. This happens the morning after I close.*

Me: *Walks in, not on shift, to grab something quick to eat. DM approaches.*

DM: What the hell were you doing last night? Just standing around?!

Me: What? I was cleaning hot foods?

DM: You didn’t clean enough! There’s still crap on the floor by the sink!

Me: Uh… I swept back there, and scrubbed it. [Coworker #1 and #2] saw me do so.

DM: No! You obviously didn’t. You seriously need to learn how to clean. Your parents must be annoyed if THAT is how you clean at home, too.

Me: …Maybe don’t bring my parents into it? When did you get here?

DM: 11:30, why?

Me: It didn’t occur to you that those crumbs could have been dropped by whoever is working over there before you came in? *Both sides open at 6am* Or maybe it happened after I left last night?

DM: You’re just full of excuses, aren’t you? You and every other damn person in this department. I should just replace all of you.

Me: Replace us for actually doing our jobs? Whatever you say. *Walks off*

*My next shift, the following day, I overheard her talking to the assistant store manager, talking about me by name, saying how I don’t do anything and I leave the place a mess for her to clean in the morning. How I’m just lazy and makes excuses to not do things. Last I checked, she found a new job and will be leaving soon because nobody “respects her and is out to get her.”*

My sons, being teenagers who of course know everything (sarcasm), are always talking about how someday they are going to have big houses with a bunch of sports cars and so on. #2 son was having another one of those conversations.

Son (to his brother): I’m going to be the one with the Koenisegg in my driveway and the Ferrari to go get groceries in.

Me: Having delusions of grandeur again, son?

Son: These aren’t delusions mom. These are premonitions.

All I could do is laugh. Dream on, kid.

There isn’t paricualrly anything wrong with this story, but it tickled me how much we are reliant on technology.

I’m at a bar ordering two soft drinks for me and a friend. We receive the drinks and she takes them to a table whilst I pay:

Barmaid: “That’s £3.75 please.”

As I’m getting my wallet out to pay, I see her rummaging around the bar looking for something. A suspicion crosses my mind that she is looking for a card reader, so I let it play out as I am standing there with a £5 note on show in my hand.

Several moments later she finds what she is looking for and without properly looking up says:

“Is it contactless?”

I couldn’t resist, and just replied:

“It’s a £5 note!”

Due to reasons, we have 2 offices of my company, in the same town. We have a lot of people who mix up these offices, so we are used to welcoming people and then immediately sending them to the right office. Today, we had one visitor that could not accept he was at the wrong office. I am one of the receptionists.

Me: Welcome, how can I help you?

Visitor: I have an appointment.

Me: With who?

Visitor: I don’t know.

Me: Oh, I need more than that. I have about 500 colleagues.

Vistor: Well, I have an appointment at 11 on [Street of Office B]

Me: I’m sorry, you are at the wrong office. This is [Street of Office A]. But, it’s only a 15 minute drive.

Visitor: What? But I was told to come to [Street of Office B]!

Me: I know, but that’s not here. This is [Street of Office A]

Visitor: But I have an appointment!

Me: Just not here. You need to go to [Office B]. If you can tell me who you have an appointment with, I can let them know you are on their way.

Visitor: But I need to be at [Street of Office B]

Me: I understand, so please, go to [Street of Office B]. Don’t worry, they will wait for you.

Visitor: But I have an appoinment.

Me: I know, but you have the appointment at [Street of Office B]. It’s only a 15 minute drive, so if you leave now, you won’t be late much! Just ring the bell when you get there.

After some more circling around and sighing from the visitor, the visitor finally leaves. I send a message to everyone at Office B to let them know if they have an appointment at 11, their visitor is on their way. I also mentioned I doubted if my message about the bell came through, so that they would call their appointment if he would be later than the next 30 minutes.

And they needed to call him because he couldn’t find the clearly marked bell.