I work at a large corporation, which is headquartered downtown in one of Ohio’s large cities. The department in which I work is considered part of Human Resources, and handles all of the benefits, payroll, time off, onboarding, retiring, life events, etc. As such, someone, somewhere, decided we should have a walk-in office with private consultation rooms and kiosks where employees could fill out forms related to these events in private. This office is located on the first floor of one of the main buildings, in a location that was previously a bank that has absolutely nothing to do with this corporation. In fact, the bank has just open their headquarters a few blocks away. Directly across the hall to this office is a door to the outside, and across the street is a bus stop. Despite the name of the department being displayed absolutely everywhere, we received every sort of random walk up possible. For the most part, this was just expected, and we would politely direct folks to the correct location. Every once in awhile, though…

Woman: I’m looking for Building 1.
Me: Yes, ma’am. If you continue down this hall, you’ll go through a walkway. That will take you to the reception desk for Building 1.
Woman: No, this is Building 1.
Me: I’m afraid not. This is Building 2. You’ll need to continue down this hallway to Building 1.
Woman: I am *NOT* going down there. I walked in THIS DOOR, so THIS is Building 1.
Me: Unfortunately, I can’t help you. If you have the extension of the person you need to meet in Building 1, you may use one of the phones here to contact them and have them meet you here.
Woman: THIS IS BUILDING 1.
Coworker: Ma’am, who are you looking for?
Woman: I need to know if y’all are hiring.
Coworker: That is exclusively handled in Building 1. We have no way to help with that.
Woman: FINE! (and exits the building)
******
Approximately 8 bajillion people: Where is the ATM machine?
Me: (cringing) The ATM is located in the kiosk next to the snack shop, directly to your right.
A8BP: No, I mean the *Bank* ATM.
Me: The *Bank* ATM was removed when *Bank* opened their headquarters two years ago.
A8BP: No it wasn’t. I just used it last week.
Me: Unfortunately, there is no ATM at this location. This is an HR office for (department).
A8BP: Well, how am I supposed to get money out?
Me: There is an ATM located in the kiosk next to the snack shop.
A8BP: NO! I NEED BANK ATM! BRING IT BACK!!
Me: (blinks rapidly)
A8BP: WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME??
Me: I’m sorry, we have absolutely no cash to disperse here.
*******

Drunk Person (accompanied by a strong stench of booze and urine): Can you help me?
Me: That depends. My specialty is company policy, but I can help you get around.
Drunk Person: See, I don’t know where I am.
Me: Ok. You are currently in Building 2 of Company, in City. Are you looking for the bus?
Drunk Person: No, I’m looking for the love of my life. You her?
Me: Sorry, no. Do you need the bus?
Drunk Person: No, I need a job. You got a job?
Me: The folks that do the hiring are in the next building over, but if you want to use our public job site, I can get you set up on this computer behind me. (I start to get that creepy feeling, so I press the button that lets Security know they should saunter by and check out the situation)
Drunk Person: Where’s the bathroom?
Me: Just keep going down this hall, to the right.
Security took their sweet old time getting down to me, so I told them to check the bathrooms. Sure enough, 30 minutes later, the paramedics came to pull the drunk out of the bathroom for trying to OD in there. He was conscious when they wheeled him past

Eventually, I got a new job, and they shut down that office, because no one would deal with the weirdos!

(My brother and I were playing video games together. Since I’m the oldest, I got the only controller that works – our parents were too cheap. He got the one with the stuck button, so his character onscreen kept shooting everywhere. His character couldn’t walk straight because of the shooting, and I found it so funny that my laughing stopped me from playing right. Needless to say, our team lost over and over, and I just couldn’t stop laughing.)

Brother: “darn button!!….this sucks.”

Me: “I’m having the time of my life!”

(We begged our parents to get us a new controller, and they finally did, months later, at Christmas. It wasn’t as fun. I know this is one of those ‘you had to be there’ stories, but he looked so funny, his cool looking character shooting everything like a trigger happy psycho.)

(So, I am a brand new cashier and usually we get about 2 weeks of training. I ended up getting only 1 because I was efficient and smart enough to be out on my own. We have a bakery in back which sometimes the food begins to go bad so the people in produce put it on our discount rack. This is a relatively small store and it is the 4th of July.) This lady come up to my counter with two loaves of rye bread in hand. She plops then down in front of me along with many more items. She points to one of the rye breads and says, “This one was on sale too! I found it on the discount rack!” I calmly looked at her and said, “well, maybe someone saw the other discount rye bread and left it there. It happens all the time.” And this woman begins getting angry. She had a friend with her who was watching the whole ordeal. “No, it had a sticker on it and it fell off!” Now, we usually put multiple stickers on our reduced items. And they don’t fall off. Before I could open my mouth to speak she began having a temper tantrum. “I am not paying full price for rye bread that’s just going to get gross and moldy and two days! It was discount! It fell off the sticker fell off!” While she was whining I was scanning her items and bagging them as fast as I could. Finally in the middle of her rant she says, “I will not pay full price for this!” And leaves the counter to the bakery section. I watched as this woman harassed a lady in the bakery, her friend stood awkwardly by. I told her to go to the register across from me, and my coworker was watching this whole thing go down. I waited for about five minutes for this lady comes back with a new loaf of rye bread. I rang it up and the lady asked if I rang up her customer loyalty card and I said no. So I go to ring it up, lo and behold the whole site crashes momentarily. “Ma’am,” I said calmly. “I may have to re scan your items.” She went off the deep end again saying, “Oh now you have to scan them? They were just bagged!!” Mind you, they’ve been sitting in the bag the whole damn ordeal. I find out that it had saved, didn’t put in her card, and sent her on her way as fast as I could. My coworker walked over to me and said, “All that over $1.00 less rye bread?”

Growing up my dad got me into comics and superheros, especially a certain webslinger. As such I pride myself on self on knowing who’s who in the latest superhero movies coming out. Me and my husband are currently sitting on the couch, I’m reading stories on my phone while he is playing the latest webslinger game to come out on the TV. For what ever reason I proceed to have the biggest brain fart come on to me at this moment.
Me:oh hey I forgot they made a new Webslinger game. It’s good to see (original Webslinger trilogy actor) getting work again.
Husband: (pauses the game and looks at me like I’ve grown two heads) babe…
Me: (looks back at him) what?
Husband: did…did you really just…
It takes me a full minute almost to realize what I had just said. And we had just watched the lastest movie in theaters the other day as well
Me: Don’t you dare repeat this back to my dad…

We have only ever had two sizes of coffee – small and large. No regular, no normal, no medium. Small and large, that’s it. We have them displayed in front of the register so customers can clearly see the sizes.
This particular customer orders a chai latte.
Me: *indicating to the cups* Would you like small or large?
Customer: *looks at cups* regular.
Me: We only have small or large.
Customer: I *said* regular.
Me: (Picking up the cups to demonstrate) We have small. (I shake it) And large. (I shake it as well.) Which one do you want?
Customer: I wanted regular, but I guess if you don’t have it I’ll have large.