Unfiltered Story #28208

Unfiltered | October 13, 2016

(I’m getting restless in the house, so I decide to go for a walk. As I reach a turn-off that connects with the main road I’m walking on, I see an older woman in a nice dress coming down that way.)

Older Woman: *sees me, smiles and waves*

Me: *smiles and waves back, being friendly*

(She continues on, a little ahead of me. After a few minutes, she looks back, sees me, then starts slowing down. I don’t think anything of it, planning to pass her. She finally stops just as I draw level with her.)

Old Woman: *spits on ground, turns to face me, smiles* “Hey baby, I love you!”

Me: *completely shocked* “Er, huh.”

(I just continue walking, ignoring her. I hear some rustling, and know she’s following me. After about ten steps, I start speeding up.)

Old Woman: *calling from behind* “Baby! Baby, wait!”

(I glance back, so see her catching up to me. She draws level again, although she stays at arm’s length.)

Old Woman: “Baby! Baby!” *brings hand to mouth, universal sign for ‘Give me food.’*

Me: “Nope, sorry, don’t have any on me.”

(I then immediately turn around and head back home. I glanced back, and she thankfully didn’t follow me, but it was definitely strange. )

Unfiltered Story #32551

Unfiltered | October 13, 2016

(I work in my spare time as an instructor in a martial arts club, primarily teaching children, giving some fantastic questions sometime. On this particular night I was teaching them about this imaginary target that we aim for when drilling. Student #1 in this story is 8, student #2 is 10)

Student #1: Can he (The imaginary target) be made of slime?!

(We keep drilling and turn around)

Student #2: But now he’s behind me!

Unfiltered Story #67323

Unfiltered | October 13, 2016

The phone rings

Me: “Hello, [name of business].”

Customer(woman): “Hello! Do you have detox liquid there?”

Me : shocked “Um…detox liquid?”

Customer: “yes ma’am. ”

Me: “Um, no ma’am we don’t. Do you…do you need an ambulance?”

Customer:”oh no, honey, is this the place with the sex machines?”

Me:”….wh-…excuse me?”

Customer:”sex machines dear. Are you the one with those in the back?”

I am speechless, holding on to the receiver like my life depended on it, debating whether or not I was having auditory hallucinations.

Customer:”hello? Ma’am?”

Me:”Right, um, ma’am, I’m not quite sure of the place that you are looking for, but this is not it…”

Customer: oh you’re not off route 18?

Me: No ma’am…

Customer: oh well, thank you!

*click*

Me: what…the **** was THAT?!

*i need a raise*

Unfiltered Story #56973

Unfiltered | October 13, 2016

(The story takes place in Canada. I am a tourist from Denmark and as such stick out like a sore thumb, however because I am ginger, is wearing a six-pence and speak fairly-good-but-not-perfect British-English I could easily be mistaken for Irish. I am out shopping with my long-distance girlfriend. After saying the amount I had to pay, I thought I heard the cashier mumble something.)

Me: Pardon?

Cashier: Er… That will be *amount*

Me: Ah, okay, fair ‘nough thought you said something else.

Cashier (blurts out): My God, you ARE Irish!

Me: Ahaha. Nah, I am not Irish *pulls out my passport* because I am Danish.

(Cashier looks incredibly nervous, having done customer service myself I understand why; as the NotAlwaysRight sister site can attest, customers blow up over less.)

Me: But I am happy to be mistaken for Irish, I admire the country a lot.

(This seems to ease the cashier who explains they regularly have foreign workers from Ireland come in, we have a brief small talk before my girlfriend and I have to leave.)

Girlfriend: Well, you handled that well.

Me: Oh come on, I DO look Irish so it was an honest mistake, besides that was the best compliment I got all day.

Unfiltered Story #28207

Unfiltered | October 12, 2016

(My brother and I are at an arcade and we see two boys playing DDR. DDR is a dancing game where you must move your feet fast to dance. They are playing a very fast song. You need a lot of stamina. At the end of the song, the younger boy who looks like he’s 9, is the winner, and doesn’t seem to be out of the breath at all. The older, taller one is panting however.)

Me: “Wow, that kid is really good!”

Brother: “Yeah.”

(Something doesn’t seem right though, as they break into a another song. The younger boy seems to be barely moving at all, yet gets all the right steps. A glance down tells me why. The younger boy is wearing extremely large sneakers, much too large for his age, they look like clown shoes. All he has to do is move his feet just a bit to reach the steps. Meanwhile, his rival has run out of stamina and quits. The younger boy wins again.)

Me: “Look at his shoes…that’s why he’s winning!”

(The younger boy hears me, and shoots a glare. Maybe I was rude, but I was telling the truth!)