I was in the co-op program at my high school, and had a placement at a local university medical clinic. On this particular day I was helping the receptionist and he was explaining the intake protocol to me. He made a point of making sure people had an emergency contact in our system. He stressed this more than anything else. Obviously I understood why one would need an emergency contact, especially at a doctor’s office, but I asked why he was stressing the emergency contact in particular. It turned out that a few years back, a patient had come into the clinic who was very unwell; he should have gone to a hospital but thought he just needed a walk-in appointment at the clinic. He died at the clinic shortly after, and he hadn’t left any emergency contact. This would obviously have been traumatizing, so that’s why there was such an emphasis on emergency contacts!

(Recently my wife was diagnosed with a serious illness, and we have been traveling out-of-state for her medical care. As such, I have been answering all calls from different area codes in case there’s an important update about her medical care. I’ve just answered the phone from a number with the same area code as my wife’s specialist’s office.)

Me: hello?

Saleswoman: HI there, how are you today?

Me: (realizing it isn’t a doctor’s office, due to the lack of appropriate greetings) Who is this and what do you want?

Saleswoman: *Slightly startled then goes back into her peppy pitch voice*Well, today I am calling to try to set you up on a free trip to Las Vegas. What do you think of that?

Me: (Barely paying attention since the call is of no importance, but I was too polite to just hang-up) Honestly I don’t approve of that.

Saleswoman: Eh-what? I’m trying to get you a free vacation!

Me: I don’t want it.

Saleswoman: *her peppiness is replaced with a surprising amount of aggression and anger* I grew up in Las Vegas. The things that happen there happen in all other 49 states!

Me: No, not really. Las Vegas has its stereotypes for the same reason that Florida Man does. Listen, you’re calling the exact wrong household. My wife was just diagnosed with cancer and we’ve been bleeding through our bank accounts just to physically get to the one doctor within 300 miles who has treated this rare type of cancer before successfully. We have no money to play or drink with, nor would I take my sick wife to that disease-ridden city anyway. Even if money weren’t an object, we definately would not do business with a company that violates the national do not call registry, which this number has been on for the last 7 years without lapsing.

(She has tried to cut-in multiple times during the above, but I spoke over her).

Me: You may speak now, but do NOT interrupt me.

Saleswoman: (dumbfounded silence for several seconds, and I hung up on her just as she started to speak again).

I was just helping out at my aunts shop well she checked things in the back

I have a general stammer/stutter speech impediment. Its not really that big a deal but I often say words in the wrong tenses, order, or just the wrong word in general, then start to stutter, when I notice I’m making mistakes. I was just helping as a casher for maybe 30 minutes in my aunts shop, and I normally have no issues. But this one guy, boy did he not like me.

Me:*trying to say would you like cash back?* “Would you like to ges cass cass. Ges cash cast. C-cast. Like to g-gets the cash-shs back.”

Man:*looking at me clearly not understanding what I’m attempting to say* “what? Are you retarded, who the f**k hired a retard to wring up cash?”

Me:*slightly taken back but I’m regaining my composure* “I’m sorry sir i just have a slight speech issue sometime. I was asking if you’d like cashed back.”

Man:”no i dont you inbred just give me my damn bag.”

I just handed him the bag and watch him leave, not before telling my aunt she should fire the retard at the counter. I haven’t helped in her shop sense.

This happened to a friend.
He’s at a coffee shop,ordered his coffee and is trying to pay with $20 cash. The cashier looked at him and gestured to the card machine. My friend tries to hand him the cash and the cashier picks up the card machine and gives it to him. My friend says ” OK, I’ll try it” and puts the cash to the top of the machine like its a pay wave card. He looks at the cashier and says ” I don’t think it’s working ” . It finally dawns on that cashier that hes paying cash and he finishes the transaction. Maybe the cashier needed the coffee more than my friend or he was just on autopilot.

Several years ago I wasn’t well, feeling dreadful and my husband took me to our family doctor. I tell the doctor that as we were leaving I said to my 14 year old son, that if I don’t come back, you’ll know I’m dead. My son had replied no, Dad can bring you back . You’ll feed the dogs for a couple of weeks.
My doctor is horrified and tells me I need to bring my son in for a psych test. That’s when I say that we always tell our boys when they are roughhousing that we’ll use them for dog food if they kill each other.
My doctor looks at me and says ” Are you guys the Adams family ” .
I burst out laughing. Well, they say laughter is the best medicine.
My boys did make to adulthood alive and my dogs haven’t eaten mystery meat.