(I had been training one of the new trainees at work for a night because instead of the managers training people they hand off trainees to experienced staff, he had been doing alright so I said he could look after the counter while I quickly change the bins. A customer comes in and starts making this trainees job ridiculously difficult)

Trainee: “What can I get you today?”
Customers: “An ultimate box”
Trainee: “What drink would you like”
Customer:”I don’t want a drink I want chicken and chips”
Trainee: *Looks to me confused* (he hadnt ordered chicken and chips) “So a 3 piece box?”
Customers: “No an Ultimate box”
(This continued for a little while as I finished up with the bins then I came over and offered to help the trainee finish the order up. The trainee continued to negotiate with the man to find out what he actually wanted and it wasn’t working so he asked if I could finish the order)
Customer: “Now we are getting somewhere”
Me: “Did you want chicken and chips sir?”
Customer: “Yes”
Me: “How many pieces?”
Customer: “2”
Me:”Alright that will be *whatever a 2 piece and chips costs*
Customers: “Atleast someone knows how to do their job”

(I quickly packed the order so this guy could leave and then my trainee started apologizing and I just stopped him)
Trainee: “I am so sorry I just didn’t know what he wanted…”
Me: “Don’t stress he was just being an ass**** cause you are a trainee you handle the situation perfectly with the knowledgeyou have.”

(Moral of this story, dont treat Trainees or employees in general of a small town fast food joint poorly infront of other staff, cause everyone will despise you whenever you enter the building.)

Inspired by a story that I read on this site, I decided to try something with the next telemarketer to call me. I don’t hate telemarketers, just the scammers. Telemarketers are just doing their jobs. It’s hard for me to differentiate between the two if the scammer has sufficiently good-quality audio, so I never do anything insulting when one calls; just silly. As she’s going through her opening spiel:

Me: *singing* There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, and lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium and gold and protactinium and indium and gallium… *deep breath* and iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium!

I can hear the telemarketer cracking up on the other end.

Me: Yeah, I’m not interested, sorry.

Telemarketer: Okay, sorry to bother you. Have a nice day!

Me: You, too!

(Our store is currently low on staff, and our manager hasn’t been very good in getting new employees, only one has had an interview in the 3 months we have been needing staff, and they didn’t even show up on their first day. Tonight is particularly bad, we only have 4 staff on, which is 3 less than normal and 4 less than we should. Because of this there is a long wait time.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Pizza Place]. Before you place your order, there will be a long wait, are you OK waiting that long?”
Customer: “What? How long is the wait?”
Me: “About 30 – 45 minutes sir, like it says on the sign on the door as you came in.”
Customer: “Thats bull****! Why the f*** is it going to take so f****** long?”
Me: “I’m sorry about the time but there is nothing I can do. We are severely understaffed, and even though there is a long wait time, lots of other customers are still ordering.”
Customer: “You are just being f****** lazy!”
Me (just wanting them to leave at this point) : “I’m sorry you feel that way sir, have a nice night”
Customer: “Whatever. I’ll have a……(proceeds to order)”
Me (groaning internally)

(I used to be a personal banker for several years. This is a conversation I had all the time.)

Customer: Hi, I need to get a license plate sticker.

Me: I’m sorry, we don’t have stickers here.

Customer: But I’ve gotten them here before!

Me: We haven’t done them for as long as I’ve been an employee. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Customer: Where am I supposed to get them now?!

Me: …the DMV?

(Customer responses generally varied, but this response was my favorite:)

Customer: You don’t have to look so happy about it! *huffs and walks out*

(After submitting a story just now about how our bedroom “smells like fart”)

My wife: “Wow…just realized you haven’t had to submit me to ‘Not Always Romantic’ in awhile.”