Unfiltered Story #32511

Unfiltered | October 15, 2016

NOT OPENED TO EVERY LANGUAGE

(I went with my mom to a parent-teacher conference at my sister’s school. Her French teacher told her how unsurprisingly smart my sister is and that if anything she could be trilingual.)

Mom: She’s only fluent in English and French.

French Teacher: Not Spanish? Why?

Mom: I don’t know. I taught her and her sister Spanish right when they started speaking. But for some reason their heart is not into our culture.

French Teacher: Well, she just needs to be more motivated to speak Spanish. You know like show her exotic latin culture or making sure that she speaks Spanish only for the means of survival. That’s how I got most of the students here to speak fluent French just to ask to use the restroom.

Mom: I see what you mean. Well, in my house we are open to any new languages. The more, the merrier.

(She gets up to leave. French Teacher follows her out the classroom.)

French Teacher: I like what you’re thinking, Mrs. (Last name). *speaking in French all of a sudden*

Mom: *holding car keys tightly, getting ready to swing at him*

French Teacher: *finally realizing* Oh, I said have a nice evening in French.

Mom: *smiling* Oh! You too!

(She leaves the classroom. I made sure she leaves before she has any second thoughts about attacking him. The misunderstanding didn’t stop there. My sister’s best friend told us that her dad almost cussed the poor man out.)

Unfiltered Story #56975

Unfiltered | October 14, 2016

I was buying some hockey equipment as a gift. While the clerk rang up my purchase I browsed the counter display. Picking up a small item, I asked, “Is this a … scented hockey puck?!” The clerk smiled and explained that it was a deodouriser for a hockey bag that was made to resemble a hockey puck. I blushed and replied, “Oh, sorry! I thought it was a real hockey puck!” The clerk smirked and said, “Well, Miss, I guess once they start using scented pucks hockey will stop being a man’s game!”

Smirking back, I took my items and replied, “I’ll be sure to tell my *sister* what you think of girls playing hockey when I give her this for her birthday!”

Unfiltered Story #47934

Unfiltered | October 14, 2016

(When we were in our twenties, my sister lived with me for a few years. This happened several times a month.)

Sister: *appears in my doorway*

Me: Yeah?

Sister: …

Me: Do you want something?

Sister: *turns around* *farts loudly* *leaves*

Me: *yelling after her* If you ever get a boyfriend, I’m totally telling him about this!

(Well, now I guess I told the whole internet…)

Unfiltered Story #28209

Unfiltered | October 14, 2016

(My friends and I are on our way back to our dorms. It is about 95 degrees outside, and our air conditioning isn’t working. One of my friends has a habit of saying exactly what is on her mind to anyone who is within audible range.)

Friend 1: ” . . . and it is just too HOT to be without AIR CONDITIONING!”

Me: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: *nods*

Friend 3: *nods*

Friend 1: “I mean, isn’t that against the law! It’s gotta be, like 90 something degrees! It’s way too hot!!”

(We come to a crosswalk, where an old guy is waiting at the stop sign in his old blue pickup truck.)

Friend 1: *to guy in truck* “DO YOU HEAR ME, OLD MAN? IT’S TOO D*** HOT!!”

Guy in Truck: *turns slowly to stare at Friend 1 with the most hilarious look on his face before driving off*

Friends 3, 2, and Me: *cracks up*

Friend 1: *suddenly shyer* “Umm . . . do you think he actually heard me?”

Me: *laughing* “I’m pretty sure he did. Did you see the look on his face?”

Friend 2: *snickering* “I should have taken a picture! He’d make such a great meme!”

Friend 3: *almost unable to speak because he is laughing so hard* “Viral . . . meme . . . hilarious . . . ”

Me: *still laughing* “This is SO going on the internet . . .”

Unfiltered Story #67324

Unfiltered | October 14, 2016

(I am answering phones one night when I get this call…)

Customer: Do you have any wine fridges?

Me: I believe so. Let me put you on hold an I will see if someone can have a look for you.

(No one answers, so I look it up myself in the computer.)

Me: I’m sorry for the wait, ma’am! It looks like we do have two different fridges. The prices are $xxx.xx and $xxx.xx and they each hold twelve bottles of wine.

Customer: Only twelve?!

(And she hung up right there. No thank you, no complaint other than that exclamation.)