Unfiltered Story #32173

Unfiltered | October 29, 2015

(My environmental science teacher took our class outside for a nature walk to identify trees. It is worth noting that both my friend and I are fans of the old Nickelodeon show, Zoey 101.)

Teacher: (Picking a leaf and ripping it with her fingers) “…and when you crush the leaves, it should smell familiar.” (She passes it around.)

Classmate: “It smells like root beer.”

Teacher: “Yep. Root beer used to be made from roots of these trees. Can anyone guess what it’s called? (She pauses, but no one says anything.) Sass–”

Me: “Sassafras!”

Friend: (Singing, mimicking the characteristic lisp as the Zoey 101 character.) “You can sip it in the morning, you can sip it in the evening, you can sip it at a quarter to three!”

Me and my Friend: (Singing) “‘Cause I like sassafras, you like sassafras, we all like sassafras tea!”

Friend: “One more time!”

Me and my Friend! (Singing) “You can sip it in the morning, you sip it in the evening, you can sip it at a quarter to three! ‘Cause I like sassafras, you like sassafras, we all like sassafras tea!”

(We both are laughing uncontrollably, and everyone else is consequentially confused. Best. Science class. EVER.)

Unfiltered Story #27897

Unfiltered | October 29, 2015

(My girlfriend is in line at a buffet next to an older lady and her grandchild. The older lady has several pieces of sashimi on her plate.)

Grandchild: Oh! That reminds me, Gramma, I’m gonna grab some sushi!

Grandmother: They use raw fish in that! Gross!

My girlfriend: …?

Unfiltered Story #27902

Unfiltered | October 28, 2015

(I’m shopping at a dollar store, which is pretty packed. I’m looking at candles for Halloween. Three college boys come into the store, talking very loudly and visibly annoying the other customers. They go into the aisle next to mine.)

Boy #1: Look at this! They’re totally ripping off “Game Of Thrones”! See? This should say Targaryen, but they misspelled it! It says “tarragon”!

*I look at the other customer in my aisle, a middle-aged woman, and she cringes and rolls her eyes*

Me: *yelling to next aisle* Tarragon is an herb, you moron!

Boy #2: *laughs* Yeah, it’s an herb, moron!

Boy #1: … I still think it should be Targaryen.

Woman in my aisle: *snickers* Boys.

Unfiltered Story #47598

Unfiltered | October 28, 2015

(We’re watching the dragon scene in the fourth Harry Potter movie)

MOM: Who’s that?

DAD: Harry Potter

MOM: What is he doing?

ME: Riding a broom.

MOM: Why is he on a broom?

MY SISTER: Because he’s a wizard!

MOM: What’s a wizard?

Unfiltered Story #56626

Unfiltered | October 28, 2015

(I’m the assistant manager of a lawyers office, and whilst I get everything done, I’m really laid back and insist on being left alone. When the manager quits, his replacement isn’t fully aware of my way of working)

Manager: Where is *my name*?

My assistant: Umm, I do believe hes asleep in his office

Manager: ASLEEP?! HE HAS AN IMPORTANT MEETING WITH *very important client* IN FIFTEEN MINUTES!

Assistant: Yes, he knows. Dont worry, everything will be fine

Manager: FINE?! WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT MEETING AND HE’S ASLEEP!

(The manager blasts into my office)

Manager: *My name*! WHERE ARE YOU?!

Me: Under my desk! Go away!

Manager: MY OFFICE! TWO MINUTES!

(I’m in her office in one minute)

Manager: WHY WERE YOU ASLEEP? DONT YOU KNOW WE HAVE A MEETING IN TEN MINUTES?!

Me: Yes. Everythings under control

(She spends the next ten minutes quizzing me on the meeting, which makes us late. Then, because she was so concerned about my being asleep and not prepared, she wasnt prepared herself. After the meeting ends)

Me: Next time, just worry about yourself and leave me alone

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