Unfiltered Story #67073

Unfiltered | January 22, 2016

guest: ” i need a blanket, i have no blanket, I am f*cking cold!”

me: “I am sorry about that, did you check under the white sheets and pillows, we usually leave the brown fleece blankets under them.”

guest: “yes i saw the brown blanket, but i need a blanket.”

seriously you saw the blanket, but you still need a blanket?? what?

Unfiltered Story #27999

Unfiltered | January 22, 2016

(My friends and I have been attending a well known anime convention for many years. Myself and one other are cosplayers, meaning we dress as a character from shows or games. We dressed as a hero and villain duo from a well known game. This particular villain wears no shirt. It should be noted that my friend dressed as the villain, despite being a bit shy, has both of his nipples obviously pierced.)

Random girl walks up to my friend: Hi! I really like your nipples.

Me: Now there’s a sentence you don’t hear very often.

Cue my friend turning bright red…

Unfiltered Story #56707

Unfiltered | January 21, 2016

This story occurred with my boss after a particularly stressful week with his business. We didn’t open our normal hours the start of the week because of frozen pipes which lead to this lovely interaction.

Boss: *mumbling about something* “…so tomorrow is Thursday so I can….”

Me: “hm? You mean today?”

Boss: *gives me a confused look* “no, tomorrow, on Thursday.”

Me: *at this point I’m starting to realize what he’s thinking* “no, today’s Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday.”

Boss: “what?! It’s Thursday?”

Apparently he went through the whole day thinking it was only Wednesday, not ever realizing until I mentioned it to him. I just hope that everything gets a little bit easier on him!

Unfiltered Story #27985

Unfiltered | January 21, 2016

(My best friend of ten years became friends with me because we were both huge pot-heads. Our birthdays are a day apart, and we would always smoke together for those two days. In the last couple years, I’ve all but quit smoking marijuana. But on rare occasion..)

Me: Come get me high. My boyfriend is ignoring me.

Friend: What? Haha, hi lady.

Me: I’ve got bourbon and flat pop. (He loves flat pop. I don’t know why, but he would always drink flat pop in my home.)

Friend: Haha, I’ve got one blunt left.

Me: I’ve got ten bucks. We didn’t smoke for our birthdays. It doesn’t seem right.

Friend: Oh, you’re serious?

Me: WTF. DO I EVER JOKE? Okay, I do, but still.

Friend: Haha, let me eat and I’ll be on my way.

(Why I love my best friend.)

Unfiltered Story #47682

Unfiltered | January 21, 2016

My husband will occasionally poke our son and pretend to be innocent to provoke a mock stern (and incredibly, hilariously adorable) reaction from our son. Sometimes he’ll even attempt to blame me, since I’m often in closer proximity, which makes my son turn his mock-stern attention to me.

One day, I decided to turn the tables. My husband had started his game and played innocent, and then pointed out that I’m closer.

ME: But, (Son), isn’t Daddy the one who always does this to you? Look at him pretending badly to be innocent!

SON: Daaadddyyyyyyyyyyy!

HUSBAND: What? She’s right next to you, she could have easily done it!

ME: (waiting until SON isn’t looking at either of us, and I poke him from a general direction that could be his dad)

SON: Daaadddyyyyyyyyyyy!

HUSBAND: What? That was your mom!

ME: Oh, no, you will NOT be blaming me again! (to SON) See how he’s manipulating you into thinking I’d poke you?

SON: (mock glaring at his dad)

ME: (wait until he is looking away from us again, and I poke him, but this time he had suddenly turned to look at his dad mid-poke so he could clearly tell who the culprit was this time)

SON: Mooommmyyyyyyyyyyy!

ME: I didn’t poke you, it was totally your daddy! (he looks skeptical) Seriously, when have I been the one to poke you? He totally did it and wanted you to think it was me! He’s so mean like that!

SON: (turning to his dad, serious expression) Daaadddyyyyyyyyyyy!