Unfiltered Story #47577

Unfiltered | October 7, 2015

(I have an identical twin brother who goes to the same school as me. We’re often confused for one another. A random girl approaches me)

Girl: “Michael! I hate you! I hope you f***ing die!”

Me: “What? What did I do? I don’t even know you. And my name is Mark, not Michael. Michael is my brother.”

Girl: “Don’t play that bulls***! You said you would call me back and you never did you a**hole!”

(At this point my brother walks up)

Brother: “What’s up bro?” (Sees the girl standing there) “Oh s**t!” (Runs away. The girl then apologizes and chases after my brother, shouting curse words)

Unfiltered Story #56605

Unfiltered | October 7, 2015

I am in line at a store, trying to purchase breakfast and a drink for my lunch. The cashier is obviously new at her job, and subsequently still learning which buttons to press, etc. I am trying to purchase a coffee, a doughnut, and a sports drink.

Cashier: “Ugh. This drink won’t scan. Honey, can you run back to the display and grab another drink with a clearer bar code?”

Me: “No. I think you’re just putting the scanner too close to the code. Move the bottle back an inch or two and try again.”

Cashier: “No, that’s not it. Get a new bottle.”

Manager: “What’s going on?”

Cashier: “This bottle won’t scan, so I’m waiting on her to go get a new one.”

Manager: “Try again. I think you’re holding the bottle too close to the scanner again.”

Cashier: “Okay… …your total is $13.50”

Me: “No. You punched in a dozen doughnuts, but I only have one. My total should be more like $5.00.”

Cashier (now angry): “I hit the doughnut button and that’s what came up. That’s what it costs to buy a doughnut!”

Manager: “What’s up?”

Cashier: “She’s mad about being held up in line, so she’s arguing with me about doughnuts.”

Me: “I was charged for a dozen doughnuts, when I only have one. I was simply pointing that out.”

Manager: “Did you even look for the ‘individual doughnut’ button?”

Cashier: “No. I just hit the picture of doughnuts.”

Manager: “This explains so much. Here…”

The manager ended up stepping in and finishing the transaction. As I walked away from the checkout, I saw the people in line behind me start heading for other checkouts, rather than have to deal with the new cashier.

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Unfiltered Story #66966

Unfiltered | October 7, 2015

(I was working at the beginning of a closing shift. The antagonist in my story is a regular that’s SO regular the owners bought him his own special coffee cup. I’ve worked here for 5 months. The last time i saw him was about two weeks ago and he asked me AGAIN what my name was. I’ve probably served him 5-10 times in 5 months. He’s usually accompanied by a friend, but today he dines alone. The dinner went normal. I kept his coffee full and his ticket time was about 13 minutes. He’s finished eating and I’ve dropped the check and prebussed the table. As I walk by I make some small talk. he’s seated by my POS)

Regular: So (Inaduable) Due?

Me: Excuse me sir?

Regular: So when is your little one due?

(I was horrified. I mumbled, “I’m not pregnant” and scurried off to cry privately. I used to be VERY overweight. Around 300 lbs. I’ve lost 106 lbs in the last 15 months. I wore a medium shirt for the first time since High School two months ago. I’ve lost 14 sizes in jeans. I was so proud of myself.)

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Unfiltered Story #32151

Unfiltered | October 7, 2015

Me: *enters teachers/workers room*

*The two English teachers inside start laughing evilly*

Me: *laughs evilly as well*

*The two teachers stop laughing and start staring at me, thus leading to an awkward silence*

One of the teachers: … That was a good one.

Unfiltered Story #27878

Unfiltered | October 6, 2015

(My friend took another friend and I to a play and this conversation happened in the car on the way to the theatre)

Friend 1: [adjusting the fan so it wouldn’t be as cold] I don’t need it to be as cold as my heart in here.

Me: I would say the same thing, but I don’t have a heart.

[My two friends are just dying at this point. a couple minutes later, the same friend goes]: that’s just of the many things I’m lacking.

Me: [without skipping a beat] I lack many things too. like a personality.

[Again, we all just die of laughter. the friend just stares forward and is all like clever, very clever]