Girl #1: “you missed bathroom day”
Guy: “I’m sorry but I really don’t care about bathroom day”
Girl #2: “how can you not care about bathroom day?!”
They proceeded to have a long and confusing argument that offered no clarification as to what bathroom day actually was.

My first day as a waiter/server, this couple comes in. Clearly romantically involved. A guy and a girl.

I seat them, get them their water, all of that. We make some conversation. The guy asks me what grade I’m in. Understandable- I’m a teen and, as long as my hair is dyed some neon colour (it usually is), I look it. I cheerfully tell him that I’m actually have just started my second semester of college!

He apologizes. I take his water pitcher so that I can go refill it. Just as I turned my back he calls out, “thanks, babe!”

… I was 15. I skipped high school.

My best friend and I met when we were four and have been close ever since. We’re now in our 30s, and reminiscing about high school. A relevant detail: we’re both straight women.

Best friend (talking about a guy in our class): He was always nice to. In fact, a lot of guys were. I think at least part of that had to do them being teenage boys, though. (looks at herself) But two decades and two kids later, I don’t know if they’d care about staring at me anymore.

Me, serious voice: [Best Friend], don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m just as sexually attracted to you as I was when we were in high school.

Best Friend, sarcastically: Thanks, that helps.

Customer: Miss! That girl just spit out her wine!

Me: Sir, she was supposed to. This is a wine-tasting. You are not supposed to actually swallow the wine.

Customer: *turns red and walks away*

My coworker asks to use my computer for a moment because her laptop isn’t connecting to the printer right now. She sits at my computer for about five minutes and then sighs loudly. Finally, she gives up and asks me to just print it for her when it loads, telling me it’s “quite a few pages”. I watch the screen for a few minutes as her document loads and when it does, I go to print and look at the print dialog box that pops up.

Me: *texts [Coworker]* JFC 383 PAGES [COWORKER] WTF! *evil grin as an idea hits* PAPER DOESN’T GROW ON TREES WOMAN! Oh wait…
Coworker: *texts back* What? 383 is ‘quite a few’! I’m not answering that other part.
Me: *cackles, knowing she hates puns*