Unfiltered Story #28002

Unfiltered | February 7, 2016

(My husband and I are both Gluten intolerant and a family friend is coming to stay for the night as everyone else’s houses were full. It was the last day of the week of a particular festival in town where I avoid going out as much as I can and therefore we didn’t have much food in the house.)

Me: So did you want a coffee this morning?

Friend: Hm no thank you, you don’t look like you have much milk left for my cereal.

Me: Well we are having leftovers for breakfast you are welcome to them. I apologise I don’t have much else.

Friend: Oh well I bought bread and peanut butter I can just have toast. May I borrow your toaster?

Me:(turning to husband) Hey do we actually own a toaster.. I don’t think we do…

Friend: you don’t own a toaster.. WHO DOSNT OWN A TOASTER!!!

Me & Husband: We cant eat bread, why would we own one?

friend: I spose.. But how am I going to make toast?

Me: We have a griller.

Unfiltered Story #56724

Unfiltered | February 7, 2016

Due to a nasty flu going around, our office is extremely short staffed. Our receptionist is off and I’m sitting in reception to manage the phones, customers, and my normal work. A colleague eventually wanders in about 45 minutes late.

Colleague: Oh, are you here on your own?

Me: [sitting in a very obviously empty office]: Yes, the others are sick.

Colleague: [Receptionist] not here?

Me: [still sitting in a very obviously empty office]: No, she’s sick.

Colleague: [with the air of one conferring an enormous favour]: I’ll keep an ear out for the phones. [instantly turns around to go back out] I’m just going out for a coffee now.

[Disappears for half an hour]

Unfiltered Story #47699

Unfiltered | February 7, 2016

(Note, I am the author of http://notalwaysrelated.com/her-signing-is-whey-off/26805. In this, my mom had just picked me up from station. We are in her car when I spots this lovely blue old-fashioned car. I point it out to her)

Me: Mum! Look!

Mom: Oh! I like the dirt!

Me:…Dirt? -starts to laugh-

Mom: …COLOR! And this is why I shouldn’t sign when I’m driving!

Me: -LAUGHING- I love you, mom

Unfiltered Story #32268

Unfiltered | February 7, 2016

About two years ago, as part of the yearly sex education month, the school invited a woman to talk about the relative basics of safe sex. There is a lot of background chatter. The woman had just finished talking about the vagina.

The Woman: Can you guess what’s next?

The room suddenly grows quiet, which I hadn’t guessed would happen.

Me: The peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

Yes, everybody could hear that.

Unfiltered Story #67089

Unfiltered | February 7, 2016

(we are a government agency that requires regular payments from our clients, this client has had a call from a coworker as we have not received his most recent payment, my coworker is on the phone with another customer)

Customer: So i’ve checked with my bank and they said they have received the payment back. It’s been rejected because of invalid bank details.

Me: So can i check with you the bank details you have? Our sort code is xx-x4-xx.

Customer: i have xx-x7-xx here on my statement, why have you changed your bank details.

Me: We havent changed our bank Details, these sare the bank details we have always had.

Customer: These are the bank details that I have been using for 5 years, how come they have worked and all of a sudden it’s not working now.

Me: I assure you we have not changed our bank details.

Customer: This is my life you are messing with I’ve made every payment, now I’m in arrears and and it’s your fault. Why have you changed your bank details.

Me: I’m sorry, all i can suggest is that you make up that payment today, it’s only one payment, and then you can amend the details on your standing order for future payment, I will put a not on your case to say what has happened.

Customer: Explain why you have changed your bank details.

Me: I’m sorry I can’t explain it, it’s one of those things…

Customer: It can’t be one of those things these are my personal details you are messing with, my personal details.

Me: It’s one of those things that someone who knows more about banking may be able to explain but i cannot, i do not know what to say. We have never changed our bank details.

Customer: This is what is on my statements I’m going to print it out and send it to you. You have changed your bank details

Me: If you wish to complain please write to us, otherwise I still need your payment

Customer: Are you going to be dealing with my case or does [coworker] deal with it?

Me: [coworker] is your caseworker. It looks like she is available now, i’ll transfer you through.

(he continued to insist that we had changed our bank details)